Monday, January 30, 2006

Walk of Faith to Foot Steps of Reason.

***Warning this is a long ass post, so get some popcorn and get cozy.
This is a religious discussion and may be offensive to some.
Please feel free to disagree or take issue with anything you see here.
If you think this is a ramble you should have seen this when it was 10 pages**

I came across a blog posting recently that gave me pause to stop and think.

The subject matter was something that I could relate to in my personal life about the journey that we take to explore the mysteries of faith and the world around us.

Since this posting is so long, it is broken into four parts.

Part 1. My Journey towards fulfillment - Background for the curious
Part 2. My Awakening - The other side of the hill my walk towards the truth of being Agnostic
Part 3. The Liberation of Brian Johnson - What I have learned
Part 4. Reading and Interesting Musing on the Subject - Some books and questions I have found entertaining in my quest.

Part 1.)My journey towards fulfillment..
Growing up in the by product of my paternal lines Lutheran family and maternal lines pagan Wicca belief system I can admit to more than my share of religious curiosities. Compounding questions of what is the right path to follow seem relevant when the so-called wrong decision could lead to eternal damnation. I give the below only as background so that the reader may understand from knowledge platform that I am making my ascertains in the next parts. In my life I have studied and practiced Wicca, studied and practice various versions of Christianity and when I mean study I mean study as in read the texts in this case the bible, doctrines, attend class, met with professors and leaders, research, papers, etc. I have read and studied the Koran (In English) sorry for the blasphemy, I have studied transcripts of the Ramayana, the path of Tao, eastern philosophy etc. I again stress study. I say this because so many of the people who I sit down to have open and honest discussions on the subject matter of religion have never really explored the subject. They are armed with crude platitudes, cute catch phases, vague expressions and shields of self-righteousness and if that is what works for them fine, but I do not have the time or inclination to engage in discussions with them. All of that being said. In my inexperienced view I settled on a non-denominational church enraptured by the preacher and his candid teaching even to the point of being baptized again as an adult. I continued to study and like any good scholar believe, you should understand the arguments of your opposition. If you say yes to something I am saying no to something else. I wanted to know what I was saying no to and why. This exploration brought me into conflict with my new community who for the most part viewed this quest as sacrireligious dangerous etc.

Part 2.)My awakening.....
My journey for understanding leads me down corridors of my mind that stimulated me more than any penthouse magazine I have ever read. (I have included some of my favorites in the books section of part four) I am not sure when it happened exactly but I became increasingly aware that my entire life I was working under an assumption that I had never challenged. An Assumption that I was not even aware I had accepted. That I needed religion in some form, that my life is incomplete without it and that my options are limited to that which is already created. That religion is the only way to have virtue.
Another thing that I became aware of is that a large part of what I was searching for was understanding of why the world was how it was. I was searching for a platform to view the world from. Some lenses for the looking glass if you will. For a community of acceptance a sense of belonging that would fulfill alienations and loneliness that I was feeling. Something that was right, that was positive that was helping lift my life up and gives me meaning and purpose. Something that was hopeful and inspiring.
Once I was aware, what I was looking for and why it was the first time I feel I was able to view the world as it was, objectively. The first time the absurdness of the concept of God was apparent to me.

I would describe the experience with my realization that god was nothing but a placebo in my life to child awaking to find out that Santa was really your parents. Santa is not real, a lie we tell children that masks them from the true gift of the holidays. Of selflessness, family, friends, sharing etc.
Just as the lie, we believe in God masks us from how valuable time is that we can make differences, that we are empowered to fulfill our own destiny etc.

I can no longer limit my journey and growth to a paradigm that no longer works. I now akin looking for life's answers in ancient textbooks as a limiting and growth-capping event that leads to retardation of the mind. If I want to understand the whys of the world, I need to understand science not religion in so much as this is my goal. Any exploration into religion for the purpose of understanding the world is futile.

If my car keys are missing, do I only limit myself to looking in the fridge?
As obscene as this example may sound I would say this is the same thing as a person who tries to find the mysteries of the entire world and looks only to a single book or even to a single subject for the answer.

I apologize for my not so spectacular attempt to explain this state of realization. How hard it is to tell someone what purple is. I feel like I am trying to explain the Grand Canyon and its entire splendor to a blind man. I am and not saying that god does not exist, just that I believe it is highly improbable and I will live my life that way until evidence suggests otherwise.

Part 3.)The liberation of Brian
1.) I am comfortable with the unknown. Note that is not the same as saying that things are not knowable. I would rather have no answer for something than a superstitious one.
2.) I need a framework of evaluating ideas that I test and measure against items consistently - I.e. I need to apply the same logic that I would when evaluating the existence of big foot or Zeus that I do when evaluating any religious claims
3.) Virtue is not a religious quality. Integrity and honor have everything to do with evolutionary biology and existed long before any religious dogma was there to explain it.
4.) The world is not fixed it is dynamic we can explore investigate the mysteries of life and live full of wonder and awe as the natural world around me is inspiring on it own.
5.) I will tip ever-scared cow that I find...I will not let people hid wrongdoing behind dogma or fail to take responsibility for there actions
6.) I can be part of different communities for different needs...this is heavy...I do not have to conform myself to a mold to be in one community...I can find like-minded. I have found my people :)
7.) I was given the gift of the value of my life. Everyday is valuable and not to be squandered.
8.) I am empowered and responsible for my own actions and destiny. I have to plan, I have to act, and I have to find the courage and inspiration within myself.
8.) All of this might change with better evidence. Thought is flexible and subject to change as I learn more, grow more experience more I am different I think differently to hold to an old ideal in light of new evidence is not noble it is ignorant. This is why tattoos (mine included) anger me...they are a permanent anchor to a moment in time a state of mind that should constantly be in flux.

The End of Faith
Diary of a Skeptic
The Born again Skeptics Guide to the Bible
When Religion Becomes Evil
The Gospel of Thomas
Gnostic Gospels
The Origins of Virtue - started my love of game theory
The Red Queen
The Blank Slate
Crimes against Logic
World History Volume One (Chapters on the Writing of the Bible, Canonization Process, Council of Narcissus, Muslims and Hostility)
William Burroughs Musing on God Courtesy of Spare Ass Annie

Musings (These are just interesting musing meant to get people thinking they are presented here for the purpose of introspection the fact that they are printing here is in no way granted that they are held or believed by the author, just various quotes by various authors)

The fallacy we often have with history is that we look back at it with our current understanding our current vision and hindsight and fail to understand the understanding of the people during a period how did they see the world.

The people of the bible actually thought that sickness was caused by demon position.

We cannot solve problems using the same understanding we used to create them.

If belief in Christ is the only way to get to heaven, why does one Apostle only mention it? (Could a detail this important be over looked by the rest?)

Since Jews, Christians, and Muslims all pray to the same god that Abraham made the Covent with what is the problem?

Consider the impact of a one-god universe he is all-knowing and all-powerful, he cannot go anywhere since he is already everywhere, and he cannot do anything since the act of doing presupposes opposition.

If there is free will, there can be no divine plan, if there is a divine plan there is no free will.

The golden rule is distinctly eastern philosophy in nature is it possible that is where Y'sha spends his adolescents and 20's? Studying in a temple in the east?

We can all walk on water depending on the temperature.more b

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Thought Wound

My mind limps
Wounded by a thought
A walk in closet filled to capacity
The gleaming of the bones visible
Through the gap under the door
I am ashamed to tell
To appear stupid
To ask
To remove my armor of lies
A doctor chasing a boogie man
A diagnois that can't be understood
I haven't learned the language yet
Its not healed
It was never set
Healed means a return to normal
Does this look fucking normal to you?

Friday, January 27, 2006

Some awesome movies ....

Here are some awesome movies if anyone is doing there netflicks queue and if you have any suggestions you think I should check out let me know. Always looking for a good recommedation.

City of God - Spanish Subtitle
Y Tu Mama Tambien - Spanish Subtitle
Butterfly - Spanish Subtitle - Slow movie but deep
KamaSutra - Indian Subtitled
Life is Beautiful - Italian Subtitle
La Haine - French Subtitle

When we were Kings - Boxing
Bowling for Columbine - Mike Moore this was the best of his work
Control Room - Look at Al Jezera (If you get anyone get this just a good look at the american propaganda machine)
Penn and Tellers BullShit Series I just finished Season One:)

Old School
Arsenic and Old Lace - Cary Grant (one of my all time favorites the timing in this movie is incredible)
Casablanca - maybe my favorite movie of all time
North by Northwest - Hitchcock and Grant
The Birds - Classic Hitchcock
Roman Holiday - ok so I am a sap was going to put Houseboat on here too but I got a rep to protect.
Raisin in the Sun
To Kill a Mockingbird

Modern and other Faves
Dusk till Dawn (The original)
Sin City
House of 1000 Corpses
Pulp Fiction
reservoir Dogs
The Dark crystal
Crash ***one of my all time faves***
Fight Club
United States of LeLand
The Usual Suspects
The Ballad of Jack and Rose - slow but it is all there
My Life
Lord of the Rings All Three
The GodFather All Three
Harlem Nights
A History of Violence
American Me
Old School
Four Rooms
Something Wicked this Way Comes
I Heart Huckabees
When we were Warriors
crouching Tiger hidden Dragon
+ I am a pretty big Woody Allen Fan
Melinda and Melinda
Annie Hall
Everybody Says I love you
Deconstructing Harry there is 26 in all and my fingers hurt so I am done

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Its in the contrast

Its in the pain that I understand the relief.

Visualize for a second everything is one color. Everything is white. You can't make any objects out because there is no shadow, no grey. Life is a blank sheet of paper in front of your face. Life is without distinction. Only through multiple colors do we see anything....not even two colors would do it. You need all the variations and shades in between to give depth. The more shades, the richer the colors the better the picture.
So is life. The atrocities against humanity, the heartbreak, the pain of life and death, the hallow sadness of having some we loved ripped from our lives gives us color and depth. It it through my exposure to the contrasts of Nobel ideals that I have come to understand what love is or what peace and happiness means to me.

How is peace to be defined without war, bloodshed, pain psychical and mental? Would you appreciate it? Would it mean anything?

How is love defined without tears, heart-break sacrifice, loss? Would you appreciate the ones you love as much if your time together wasn't so short?

How is happiness defined without knowing misery, pain, hurt, loneliness?

Without the contrast without the experience life is a blank piece if paper in front of your eyes...

I am going to venture a rather large conjecture here that the world uses more rhetoric and cares less about the extremes of ideals like love, peace and happiness because we experience the world more and more from a secondhand vantage point, life and the suffering of others is just a blurb on CNN, laughter as conversation topic at a party, love as a porn clip we can just shut off.

It is no mistake that great artists are tormented souls, that noble peace prize winners have waded in blood and suffering, that interesting people and leaders have often faced incredibly difficult heart wrenching obstacles.

If we refuse to participate in life we will never experience the contrasts that make us appreciate the love, peace and happiness that makes us fulfilled. We become one dimentional. We become to borrow an expression paper lives.

So do me a favor in the spirit of fight club punch someone in the face, chase that dream, shut off the TV, love that women(or man)....just do us all a favor and live, taste it, touch it, see it, speak it, listen to it, smell it, feel it, experience it:)

PS If any of you want to do all of the above I have a huge vat of baby oil, some rubber sheets and some free time on Sunday....let me know!!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Dropping Names......

I am inspired by the people that I get to interact with. This has been an amazing life so far with a chance to really connect with an amazingly diverse group of people. All of you bring inspiration to my life and for that I thank you:)

I got love for....
The Chips @ 11 crew, is it Invention Friday?...choodu!
REM ******Dave Hoen******* "<>"Is that good "<>"
Chinga tu madre...leave water girl alone... What's a tea bagging?
Happy Hour Core Team Meeting.
FP Crew...why am I an ubber daddy again?
Angry Midget Swingers Club Minneapolis want me to do what! with who?
Book Club(pick one)...POS...Borders Backdoor...Knight of the Mindtable..Analyst...Gee gnomes.
Entire Sunday Brunch Crew!
FD Tool Crew...choodu r we on schedule?
Big up to everyone in the Bio-lab thanks for not telling about that "experiment"...I owe you....PS.Who really killed my fruit flies?
Eric, Fran, Rosh, Troy, and Twist with out you all what would I do at work?
Anne I can almost taste the sauerbraten...thanks for the light;)
India Chess Play(Vedan..I won by cheating and I still feel bad)
Russian Chess I need a piece...whats with all the women looking for husbands?
WI...GB Talking to you... both of you..PS.don't get married. Shawn *hugs*
Lisa the dancing machine....and all the peeps who send me jokes Carrie you too..rotflmao
Arun Minneapolis has not forgotten you!
To England and all the fun loving Chavs I have met.
To everyone who posts here and reads my non-sense I love you,
To Minneapolis,To the world, to the poets, dreamers, do-ers, writers, scholars, teachers, thought warriors and real warriors.
To the risk takers.
to those who walk the line.
To my karate mates... damn don't kick so hard.
To all the critics who said it to my face...I was angry but I appeciate it and def. needed to hear it.
To the people who stick up for me behind my back...I love you thanks for giving me the space, support and love even when I couldn't articulate my vision.
To life and time you are both motherfuckers and I love you for it...thanks for making everyday valuable and for your lessons in heartache, loneliness, pain, hurt, triumph, patients, humility, integrity passion, and joy.
To the women I have loved and to those who have loved me...sorry I am such an ass.
To 10th Street and the Warriors especially(Dave, Asher, Ed, Chad, Hasan, Damen) We may be out of sight but you are never out of mind.


Monday, January 23, 2006

More Progress Please

Is there really Progress?
Or is there
Just "Is"
A State
A moment
Progress implies forward movement
"It" is Better now
Than "It" was Before
The mark of life
Of importance
That something was done
That time was not squandered
Potential tapped
Life cached
I Purchased my manifest destiny
Off the rack
Side of over the counter dreams
Buy one get one free
Hope and ambition
Child to Teen to Parent
Dishwasher to CEO
Dreamer to realist
Upgrade your standard of living every 5 to 7 year
It is Nice, but what year is it?
Progress is a rut
Worn by marching zombies
Progress is more of what my heart desires
More zeros compounding
More pussy
More privilege
More square footage
More power
More control
More threadcount
More fun
More friends
More fame credit, recognition, photoshoots
More people screaming my name
Its my crib on cribs
Its more work and sweat
It's complications, hangovers, sleepless nights
Its chasing a ghost
It's someone elses dream
Its me unsatisfied
It's more drugs to prolong humanity
And help me not to think
Its robotic slaves
Its more free time I can occupy with mindlessness
Progress is measured by what I have
Measured in wages, purchasing power, life expectancy
and how it has grown from the year before
Progress is a cycle of personal nation building
Warrior to Empire to Ruin
My progress makes me sick
Its why the severed heads
Of the joneses
Are on sticks in my front yard

Friday, January 20, 2006

Northside of the Elephant

I find it interesting how there is a mentality that because somebody lives above the Mason Dixon line that they can't be considered a racist. That this geographic location some how absolves us of any racial prejudice and obligation to participate in a discussion of the rights of human beings, of retribution and inequality . It is a blanket that covers the dirty secrets and stereotypes that cloud my vision. It is a secret shared by an entire society with its fingers crossed hoping it will just go away. Why is it so hard to admit that we judge people? Why do we have such a hard time having open discussions about race in America, I would add especially in the North? We have a hard time because to begin this discussion we have to admit there is a problem and to admit that there is a problem we have to take ownership. Our silence only leads to propagation of stereotypes, to self fulfilling prophesy. We cap the growth of our societies potential. If we are not honest with each other in seeking and being open to the truth about history and its lasting impacts we are surrendering to ignorance.

Not in Minnesota?

Can anyone guess where this picture was taken?

How about Duluth Minnesota?
Minnesota Historical Society

Anyone know how many times Minnesota had to vote to give African Americans the right to vote? Once? Twice? Three times?

Anyone doubt that there would be a sizeable population that would still vote to suppress the rights of minorities? (Did you see the 40% plus of the state that was Red in the last election?)

Anyone think that there is not a problem with race in America?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Risk and Reward

Thought this was interesting...According to a study published in the journal of evolution and human behavior women were given descriptions of fictional men who decided whether or not to engage in physically dangerous activities (Climbing a mountain, traveling alone in dangerous terrain, bungee jumping, jumping into a river to save a child. The ladies admired heroic risks but were reportedly turned off by a pointless daredevil. The logic being that a women wants a mate who is going to survive to continue on to be a good provider.

This got me thinking about risk and reward and why I think this study is bullshit. For one it takes place in a vacuum and two it doesn't account for the motivation and by-product of risk which I would say most women do find attractive.

The first being the primary and the second being a by-product

A person who takes above average risks is confident they believe in themselves enough to think that they can survive and perform better than most. Chances are people who engage in the behaviors listed in the study are also in better shape and more extroverted then the average population. (You are not going to go extreme rock climbing if you are a 100 pounds overweight) Hobbies make people interesting etc. All of these items I would say rank high on the desired qualities scale confidence, Health, Interests, extroversion, Activities etc.
(Ladies feel free to argue)

The by-product of taking risks is also wealth generation(one could argue that this is two different types of risk) But I would say the same belief one has in themselves to climb Everest is the same believe one has in themselves to move jobs across the country be aggressive enough to climb to the top of an industry or create their own industry. Women like good monetary providers and I would conjecture that people who take on slightly more risk that average are wealthier.

Now there is a line...Calculated risk. Had the questions been along the lines of Would you like to mate with a man who likes to sit in the middle of the freeway? I would have given it a chance fortunately those people usually don't live long enough to breed.

So take a chance and be A-G-R-E-S-S- well you know the cheer

PS There was also a question of would you like to mate with someone who has had a lot of other sexual partners or is sexually promiscuous? Almost all respond no....but doesn't the fact that the man had so many partners already say otherwise? If he is able to be promiscuous someone is letting him?

PSS "There is nothing as sincere as a women telling a lie."
Why can't we all just talk about what we really want?

Monday, January 16, 2006

Artificial Intelligence?

There was a fabled myth of the space era where NASA spend millions of dollars to create a pen that would write in the vacuum of space while the Russians brought pencils. Although the myth is not true I thought it drew an interesting analogy for artificial intelligence.

Isn't the goal of AI to create a mechanical person? Software that thinks like a human being? Makes decisions based on logic and reasoning (ok so it might be better than a human decision) Is there a shortage of people? What if we just educated the 40% or so of population who lacks the understanding and opportunity to participate in the modern world?
I mean if you want a machine that can think for itself and act independently I can tell you how to create it.....
Step 1.) Stick a penis in a vagina
Step 2.) Move it back and forth, up and down round and round in varying shallow and deep strokes
Step 3.) Release your seed (preferable after your partners have climaxed gentlemen)
Step 4.) Raise and teach your offspring for 18 -21 years
Its that easy.....And pretty fun to...Well to be honest I am still on step three.

Granted I am not a technophobe. I am being touch cheeky. I do believe in the research. I understand the wonders that lie just beyond our grasp of the technology. We could build AI decision engine's for items of exploration that are beyond mans limitations of oxygen, food. Space exploration, Volcanic Exploration, Underwater Exploration, Medical exploration ect. Items that could do routine tasks that give us more free time, save lives etc. This is very exciting to me to by the way.

I just don't want to be a mechanic servicing a world that I can only artificially participate in...

PS What if we made robots or items that did the job of humans pay taxes? We could fix social security, the deficit, pay for re-education of displaced workers etc....just kidding but it is interesting to think about.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Moment in Time 9:15 a.m to 9:30 a.m

Is he gone?
Her answer is a kiss
Soft at first
She wants me to lead
I like to lead
My hand is in her robe
The small of her back is warm
Against my cold hand
Her skin breaks with goose bumps
She grinds into me
I take what is offered
Never enter a cave built in the sand
It will collapse
Suffocation is the result
I have been in enough caves to know
I am in one now
Yet, In this other mans cave
I have breath
First time
In a long time
I remember the first time I stole
I could tell by her eyes
I just know She knows
I remember
How come no one stopped me?
Myself included.
She said
I know you
Better than anyone
Perception is a box
Shaped like a fridge
The owners left the door on
We play hide and seek
At all the wrong times
I willing got in this box
I am running out of air
I can't breath
I can't change that I have changed
No one is coming
No clerk
No husband
No wife
She withdraws her tongue
We sink into each other
Supported by the floor
We are each others fix
Forbidden medicine
Afflicted by the disease of intimacy
The Disease of knowing to much
Peeing with the door open
Seeing too much
Feeling too much
Bile does to food
What time does to love
What intimacy does to passion
But here
In this moment
In this moment I am alive
In this moment someone wants me
In this moment there is no trash to take out, dishes to wash, things to fix or chasm's of things unsaid
In this moment I am aware
In this moment I can feel
In this moment a key enters the door

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

In Defense Of Love of Tarot Card Readings

How can a person who is so logical and anti-religious dogmatic superstition be so fond of getting tarot cards read?

I can because I agree with some base assumptions about getting my cards read....

1.) Evolution has given us the ability to interpret body language, voice pitch, verbal cues etc. You can actually look at or listen to a person and tell what they are feeling. If they are nervous, sad, lying etc. This ability helped us learn who to trust etc. I am always amazed when I meet a person who has an especially strong skill for empathy and perception at just how precise they are able to pick up on subtle details in my behavior sometimes it is almost creepy....but amazing and biological none the less. (happens that most people I have met like this are women)

2.) People are sadly predictable. We are creatures of habit. Given the history of a person and picking up on items in number one I can make some pretty good predictions about their future behavior or how they will respond to an event.

3.) Sometimes we are not able to see the whole picture of us. Our self image and reality don't always match and talking to an outsider can be helpful. (Forest from the trees and all that stuff) I relate reading to going to see a shrink. They are not telling you what to do, but providing an environment for you to see yourself in a mirror so to speak. They show you what is there and you make a decision. I am amazed at how helpful a person keen in number one and two of these is in showing me behavior that I am engaged in. I think because these are real things we see variations of cards in every culture the reading of, tea leaves, chicken bones, liver spotting etc. They are all only a vehicle to get you to reflect into yourself like inkblot tests.

4.) Plus it is fun. It is entertainment. Just like I don't believe in ghosts but I love to go to haunted houses. The spectacle is fun, lighten up.

5.) If there is any religion that makes sense I have to give it up for the pagans. Not only were they my ancestors, but they were also on to some stuff that made sense. Worship and celebrate the sun, earth etc...makes sense doesn't it, they create warmth, navigation, food, life, we share it, depend on it, can see it, touch it, participate in it and are bound by it. For all those lovely pagans who escaped persecution and assimilation even though I am not a fan of any religious dogma I at least understand you. (blessed be and so be it)

Monday, January 09, 2006

Ode to the Modern Man

Where did the stereotype of the burley man who is part ape with no emotions come from? Surely not any history I have ever read....Aristotle? Socrates? Alexander the Great? Thomas Jefferson? Brock Hudson?

I think that the ape quasi homophobic man is a unique American view point. I mean I can understand from an evolutionary perspective that a women would want to be with someone who makes them feel safe, but what does this have to do with the fact that pink looks good on me or that I enjoy massages? I mean isn't the ultimate dominance of this world having someone else wait on you?

Look, I don't like to watch sports on TV, I love to read, I drink wine, I enjoy pampering myself, I enjoy talking to people, I like to cook, ego contests really never interest me, I don't feel like I constantly have to whip it out (I feel bad for the men at the bars who have to be all tough because that is all they have....It always strikes me as sad)I like to make out, I like to develop myself........I like being a strong man and truthfully I like defying the idea of what a man has to be and is.

So here is an Ode to that modern man and all the men that I know who don't fit a mold and to those that do who do. To all the men who have helped me define the polished and warrior that I am becoming. I am lucky to have such friends.

Plus how about a little James Allen to carry us home...As a Man thinketh

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Is Selling Out Really All Bad?

Brian Johnson On Selling Out:

As some of you might notice this blog is a little different today. Changes in formatting and the addition of a shining new ad courtesy of google in the top. I have taken the plunge albeit a conflicted one to see if I can get paid for writing the nonsense that is in my head. I mean I love to write, so is it that bad if I attempt to get paid for doing what I love? I don't think this is necessarily selling out. I mean as long as I adhere to the writing the same stuff I would for free I am still being honest to myself and that is what it is all about.
The process of selling out interests me and I would love to know what others think..

thoughts that came up in the process and lessons learned.
1.) Always copy HTML to notepad before you make changes to the code. (I should have known better!!!)
2.) This was interesting to me I started to think about signs when I was retyping all of code changes I had made. Yes signs like as in it is a sign from god. The signs where all there for me to stop. (That is if I believed in signs)Code got messed up had to re-type everything, pissed of some people, computer crashed, etc. But then I got really pissed off. Signs suck! There is no such thing for example my tire blow out is not a sign I should stop driving or I wasn't meant to go somewhere it most likely means I need to take better care of the air in my tires. I am not saying signs don't exsist but they are an indicator of controllable factors....Increased storms is not a sign of gods return it is a change in weather patterns that may or may not be caused by global warming.
I mean what if we didn't over come signs like Lance didn't ride again because cancer was telling him not to ride his bike? I mean WTF....
PS. I like that I can work myself up around and issue even when I am alone.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Moment in Time 5:30am-5:45am

The door explodes
I come to
Where am I?
What time is it?
Where is all this blood from?
Flashlight beams cut through
The dark of the house
I hear shouting
But can't make it out
My ears are ringing
My eyes adjust
I am in my kitchen
Surrounded by corpses
All staring at me
The gun in my hand
Says I did this
I am the architect
I am the conductor
The lights are getting closer to the doorway
They hit the wood frame and fan out
They are yelling at me
Bee stings
I hate bees
I raise my hand
I Squeeze
I see the officers head
washing the wall behind him with skull fragments
And blood
There is yelling
Noise Retreats into Silence
I know it will not last
I am out the back door.
I am bleeding badly
It is cold
My blood soaked clothes freeze
Stiff, like running in Tupperware
hardening and crystallizing to my body
Down the alley
No one is behind me
Breath is exploding from my chest
Bursting into clouds of steam
It smells like beer and gin
I collapse in some bushes at the end of the alley
The branches seem to probe all my wounds
In front of a wall that defends the perfect homes
The perfect life
From the fury of the free way
The ugly mess that that makes it possible
Flashlights in the alley
For the record it was over a women
For the record it isn't how it looks
Lots of flashlights
I left them a trail
Gretel would be so proud
They hurt more this time
They say when you die
You will soil yourself
I try to feel
I don't know if it is urine
or just blood
I am missing fingers now
I don't think I soiled
I smile
At least I have that

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Holy F!#$in Shit I Have Super Powers!!

Sometimes I sit around and ponder what kind of super powers I would enjoy the most. (this usually happens after a bottle of wine)

Often my internal debate is centered around my big four
1.) Invisibility bundled with selective transparency so I could walk through walls etc.
2.) Invincibility never die. Wolverine was an idol of mine granted he wasn't invincible.
3.) Magic Touch so I could make any women orgasm or fall in love with me. (PS I am getting close on this)
4.) Shape-shift like the Terminator.

This list has been pretty static for my whole life (although the four often change in order) until lately. I have met so many incredible people filled with wit, passion, openness, intellect and intrigue I have often found myself staring at them and longing for a straw I could insert into their head to suck their brain out and mix it into my own further expanding my own genius.

Then it hit me.......THAT'S WHAT LEARNING IS! A Big Freaking Straw inserted into the brains of those you select and you don't even have to kill them to do it!!

This struck me as rather profound and I thought I would share it.
I would also like to thank all of the people in my life who make it interesting. I am glad I am surrounded by so many suckable people. I love you.

(Does anyone else have a list of super powers or am I the only geek?)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Hot Seat

Is a heated toilet seat really a good idea? Do I really want to pay extra money to have the enjoyable sensation of sitting my bottom down to that all to creepy feel of someone just left cause it is still warm feeling? This is one of the reasons I go home on lunch to pinch loafs or if you grew up in my house to do "paper work" or "make an appointment."

I will take a cold seat any day.

In addition here are eleven things I thought about while I was pooping this morning.

1.) I should really clean the floor in here.
2.) Will pushing harder really lead to hemorrhoids?
3.) Have I read that bottle yet?
4.) oh yeah this is going to be a nice long one...*chuckles to self*
5.) If there is the right proportion of dark matter can the universe actually contract and reverse its expanding back to its origin and if this happens will it reverse time and we will all live again in reverse?
6.) If I understood WIMP's could I transport myself through walls?
7.) I have read this bottle, I knew it!
8.) I wish you were bigger.
9.) You need a shave.
10.) Why do my legs fall asleep in here am I doing something wrong?
11.) Bunch or fold?

Monday, January 02, 2006

Moment in Time Entries Explained

Moment in time entries are a method for telling a short story. It works like this

Step one: The whole day is written on strips in 15 chucks of time. For example 6:00-6:15 pm
Step two: Put all of the strips in a hat and pull out 6 strips. (If any two are back to back 15 minute windows draw again)

Step Three: Write down the order that you picked them.(You have to write and publish the story in the order that you picked the strips)

Step Four: Pick a word this word has to be alluded too or mentioned(Although it can be indirect in every entry) I use dirty words for instance I picked Pee for my current one you will see it mentioned in every entry. Everybody has a different way of picking words some just flip through the dictionary, pick out of a hat or just say here is my word..

Step Five: Pick a day and write about that day at that time(The time on the card)So if I picked Friday and 6:15-6:30pm on Friday at that time I would write a story class you did this all in one day but since I am lazy I am doing it every Friday for six Fridays

Best story wins.....

Kind of a blend of R. Kelly's Rap Opera, 24, Mad Libs etc....It is fun to do and kind of different..