Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Budget Tip #587132

I have been doing this for a few weeks now when ever I get paid I head over to Target where they have new releases in CD's on sale for $7.98. (This week was Buck Cherry's Black Butterfly) I buy the CD (Saving $2) from the cost on ITune. Then I rip the CD to my computer and immediately head to the Pawn Shop when I am done where they buy new releases for $3 so I get the whole CD for $5.

Questions:

Why don't you just rip music for free off of the internet?
Brianinmpls: I have enough legal problems the way it is.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Watched the Twins Get Smoked @ Home

Saturday

Read: From Edison to iPod: Frederick Mostert. One of the best layman's books for patent and copy right protecting your work I have read to date. If you have an idea and are looking to do something with it this would be a great place to start.

Went to Rudolf's to watch the Badger Game..ouch....Twins game...ouch...

Went to Frenchman's...things get spotty....I was in several of my neighbors houses...not sure if I was invited in our just walked in..ping pong?


Sunday:

Woke up and had a scary moment in a scene straight out of the Godfather I peeled my sheets back and they were soaked in blood.

WFT Did I get into a fight? Kill someone?Why do I have these gashes all over my hands and legs? Run to the bathroom and look at my face.

Turns out the answer is a little less exciting. Apparently I broke a glass then kneeled in it to clean it up with my bare hands using my fingers for a broom.

It was enough to scare me though...

Day 2 on the wagon no smoking or drinking

Watched TV all day hiding in shame.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Pimp Lesson #8976 - Booty Prospecting Time Management

This is a lesson is prospecting your prospects for booty using the BCC function of your email.

First it is important to understand distribution groups of booty calls. Usually three buckets.

1.) People you have not slept with yet that you want to sleep with.

2.) People you have had relations with that you would like more relations with .

and a third category that would probably be called mistresses. Usually people you have had lots of relations with.

This lesson deals primarily with buckets one and two above.

Step One: Create a group in your email box with all of the people who fit in a specific bucket. (The wider the net the more fish you catch)

Step Two: Add that group to the BCC potion of your email. So that none of the recipients can see how many people it went to.

Step Three: Add a subject: "Can't stop thinking about you:)" or "How Come We Never Got Together?" or some other personally generic line even just "Hi:)".

Step Four: Message Body. Keep it personally generic. "I know this is going to sound weird but I have been thinking of you lately and wondered if you would like to get together for a drink sometime. If no that is totally fine I hope this doesn't come off creepy or anything I just didn't want to look back and say I missed the opportunity to get to know you better because I was too scared to try."

Step Five: Send. (Casting the line)

Step Six : Wait for nibbles

Step Seven: Real them in.

Step Eight: Pump and Dump


* You message and subject to bucket two is going to be different then bucket one. Try "The One That Got Away" or something like that.
* The message and the subject can vary depending on the audience.
* Careful about the co-workers.
* I used to be a pig I know.
* This lesson is for only people who have passed the advanced emotionally shallow course.
* This method also works well over texting.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Hypocrisy, The Religious Right, Bailouts - WWJD

Dear George Bush, John McCain and the entire Right,

If you are going to look to the bible and divine intervention to determine if it is wise to run for office, or oppose abortion, or decide what country to invade shouldn't you also follow in Jesus' steps when it comes to the economy? When Jesus saw corruption, people making profits at the expense of common citizens he did not get behind them and offer them an extra line of credit with favorable financing terms for their deeds.

Matthew 21:12-13

Jesus at the Temple

12Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13"It is written," he said to them, " 'My house will be called a house of prayer,'[a] but you are making it a 'den of robbers.'[b]"



If you insist on claiming divine right for your actions at least be consistent and let the chips fall. The governments job is to protect fair play in the market place. Regulate trade and use consumer protection laws to protect consumers.

If you are looking for divine guidance it is written for you above.

WWJD? He would over turn the tables of the money changers not re-enforce their position.

Thanks,
Brian

Invention Idea #254125 - Conference Call Time Saver.

I spend approximately 98.329999% of my working time sitting on conference calls listening to people talk. What I would like is a device that connects to the receiver of my phone and places a text window of everything that is being said on my computer. The software would listen for my name and then flash on the screen with the text of the last 15 seconds of the conversation.

I would also like it if this 15 seconds of conversation could be rephrased as a question.

For Example, "Just so I am clear....(insert 15 second of text here).

That will give you time to think of an answer and it would give me 98.023333% of my day back.

I also submitted this idea to Google 10^100

Article Link

Submit your idea for a chance @ $10 Million

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Move to Minnesota: Save Gas.

As I was looking around my beautiful city the other day it occurred to me that I could see for miles and miles...seriously look out the Windows from the top of the IDS Building, I think you can see all the way to Iowa one Direction, South Dakota the other and Wisconsin the other..

It then registered that I can see for miles and miles because it is so damn flat.

Then I though maybe that could be another selling point for our great city. Since it takes less energy to move a 2 ton car across a flat surface then it does to move it up a a hill maybe if we had the entire country move to the Midwest we could reduce our gas consumption in half.

Of course I still have to figure out the amount of gas that is saved from going down the hill you just went up since the result might be net. Plus the cost of additional fuel used to heat our cars in the winter or sit idling on the freeway during construction season, but hey most candidates have no clue about the details of their plans when they make their promises so why should I be any different?

Move to Minnesota: Save the World.
Brianinmpls 2012

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Black and White and Newport Lights

I swung into a gas station on the way out to the bar to purchase a luxury items these days that comes in the form of Camel Light cigarettes. There were two gentlemen in front of me conversing with the cashier as I stated my order and waited for the transaction to complete.

Gentleman #1 " How come his cigarettes are .50 cents cheaper then mine?"
Gentleman #2 "It's cause they know its mostly black people smoke Newport's and it is another way they keep us broke."
Cashier "Fucking right white people get all the breaks."

I know at this point I should probably just pick my cigarettes up off the counter and continue on my way.

But I have never been very good at following that little voice in my head.

So I decided to have a mini-seminar on the spot about economies of scale, the effects of pricing to mass markets and value added processing.

For some reasons these three gentlemen and the crowd formin around us refused to buy into the theory that if you sell more of a product you can gain efficiencies and lower price or that the adding of menthol requires extra processing and additional cost that is passed onto the consumers.

Gentleman #1" If menthol makes it cost more how come Kool's are .75 cents cheaper then Newport's."

Brianinmpls "Perhaps the tobacco used in Newport's is of better quality then Kool's, or perhaps if you feel Newport's pricing strategy is unfair you could switch brands then you would be paying .25 cents less then I am paying and this entire conversation would be pointless."

In the silence that followed this remark I quickly realized that I was the only white person in the store and tension was rather getting thick.

In the interest of not getting my ass kick or being the cause of race relations collapsing across the Midwest I decided on an appeasement exit strategy.

I said, "But you are right fuck whitey."

And walked out of the store.

* I hate appeasment I think alot of what is wrong in our country is because we tell each other what we want to hear rather then deal with underlying issues.
* I hate that I have been smoking again.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Paid bills.
Installed new light in Attic.
Went to Honda for a new remote for my car.
Bunch of chores.

Dinner @ Busters and a few beers.

Saturday

Farm Market

Washed Car, Mowed

Lunch with Mom

Watched the Twins Game

Drinks @ Lucky 13, Tailgate and the Legion.

Sunday

Worked from 6am to 11am

Tailgate for the Vikings Game.

Napped

Ate

Went to Bed.

Friday, September 19, 2008

1 + 1 = Fun

As I pulled the ingredients out of the fridge to make my screw driver I was over come with what can only be described as a stoke of pure genius.

Pour the half of bottle of vodka directly into the half of container of Orange Juice and avoid all dishes.

Screw the cap back on and you even have a built in shaker.

I was sitting on the couch drinking straight from the carton and it was wonderful:)

*Tip: Make sure you label the OJ with your name on it or parents who let their little shits rummage through your fridge while you nap will tend to get very upset after their little ones are "feeling funny" from drinking your OJ. They will also call you an "animal". Hey it is my fridge!!! You are an animal for going in there in the first place.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Candidate Confusion

Sorry I couldn't resist when I got this forward....lol

*If you
-spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become
the first
black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter
registration
drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as
a
Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State
Senator
representing a district with over 750,000 people, become
chairman of the
state Senate's Health and Human Services committee,
spend 4 years in the
United States Senate representing a state of 13 million
people while
sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs,
Environment and
Public Works and Veteran's
Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership
experience.

If your
-total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city
council and 6
years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000
people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only
650,000 people,
then you're qualified to become the country's
second highest ranking
executive.


*If you
-have been married to the same woman for 19 years while
raising 2
beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches,
you're not a real Christian.

If you
-cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left
your
disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month,
you're a
Christian.

* If you
-teach responsible, age appropriate sex education,
including the proper
use of birth control, you are eroding the
fiber of society.

If
-while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only,
with no other
option in sex education in your state's school system
while your unwed
teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very
responsible.


*If your
-wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position
in a
prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her
inner
city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your
family's
values don't represent America's.

If your
husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least
one DWI conviction and
no college education, who didn't register to
vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that
advocated the
secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely
admirable.


OK I got it, much clearer now

Unsecured Debt My Ass

Plan vs.. Actual.

When my mind conjures up the word unsecured debt I have a picture of things not tried to the back of a truck flying off the back as it motors down the freeway.

After the financial fall-out from my divorce I was sitting in a pile of bills and wondering how in the hell am I going to pay all of this shit. An idea slowly formed in my mind that if I just defaulted on all of my unsecured credit card debt I would have the money to live and pay my secured debt I.e House and Car. (This thought came that even with a consolidation loan I still would not have enough money left over to eat) After all a credit card company can't come and take stuff away from you right? Well at least that is what I thought.

So I defaulted. I became a deadbeat with my credit card and personal loans.

Things improved. For a while.

Then something happened I didn't think was possible...my check went down one day....by alot....enough that I started to panic.

It turns out credit card companies can garnish your wages after they win a judgment by default.

Turns out that debt is secured...secured straight to your ass!!

So now I was unable to pay for my mortgage because Capitol One felt I should be paying them interest and fees before I should be able to feed myself.

I know I was irresponsible, I know at the heart it was my fault, but fuck you for judging until you have been there.

Bring on BK. I have been digging out for the last three years and have finally started to breath again.

1.) Lessons learned - I will never own another credit card in my life. (Would you believe these assholes who took me to court, made my life a living hell have actually started to send me new offers that begin with, "As a former valued customer you are eligible for our exclusive offer.." Fuck you.)

2.) The system fucks middle class people you make too much money to get a free attorney so pile that on to your expense list. (I think if the legislation makes a law so complicated that it can not be argued by reasonable people on their own they should either re-write it or give everybody free attorneys)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Communism the new Democracy

Business that make bad decisions and investments are supposed to fail. That is how capitalism works. Money is supposed to flow to those who put it to the best means.

AIG Should Have Failed.

There is a world for a society where businesses are all controlled by the central government it is called Communism.

The only way to get rid of a bubble is to pop it....not blow more or fill up shirking ones with fresh air.

The entire system has now been destablized and what should be the final stretch is now going to be just the beggingign.

Was Farming the End of Civilization?

I do not by any means subscribe to the theory of the noble savage. In our hunter gather tribes were were just a violent as we are today. We murdered and raped members of other tribes. Stole etc. but I can't shake the notion that farming has crippled life for mankind.

Since Farming became a way of life humankind has become less healthy (4 grain crops now represent the majority of our diet)
Farming gave rise to class systems since and societal free loaders, give rise to land destruction, erosion and famine.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Key Economic Indicators

Every morning like millions of people I drive by the gas station on the way to work. A big sign sits on the window with neon red lights that advertise the amount of various lottery jackpots. This sign is all that I need to gage the majority of the US economy and how Minnesota is doing in relation to it.

The amount of the jackpots go up at a regular pace every game that runs and no one wins. The variable amount that the jackpots go up correlates to the amount of tickets sold. I.e the more tickets sold the faster and higher the amount climbs.

We have four advertised big games in Minnesota.

One played across the Metro Area
One played across the State
One played across the Midwest
One played across the Country (I.e Power ball)

By looking at the board every day when I drive by I can instantly see how we are fairing in the economy. The correlation being that desperate people, unemployed, scared about their jobs, losing purchasing power play more when they are stressed making the jackpots bigger faster.

A neon indicator of the countries stress. Of the economy. Of pipe dreams of riches.

I wonder if they give out noble prizes for this?

I smell a thesis

Monday, September 15, 2008

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Watched: Maxed Out: Hard Times Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lending. I related to this on so many levels it was crazy. I work in the credit markets. I was forced into BK by being to over leveraged.etc. Who owns E-Z Cash? Check and Pawn, Payday Loans? Would it surprise you that they are owned by WellsFargo? HSBC? MBNA? Citifincail? If you get the chance check this documentary out my favorite part is the bankruptcy reform hearing in Congress.


Saturday

Went to the Farmers Market

Homework, Mowed, Trimmed Bushes, Edged.

Read 300 pages of The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky and I decided I am actually not going to finish it.

Watched the Badger Game while swiftly downing bottles of wine.

Made an awesome dinner. Shrimp Tostados....yum


Sunday

Watched Football all Day. Probably farted and burped a few times before peeing on the toilet seat while scratching my ass, drinking oj straight from the carton.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Black Market for Used Lottery Tickets

(aka. Turning a Losing Hand Into a Winning One)

Just to prove where there is a will there is a way or where there is a law there is a black market. I would like to shine a little light on the losing ticket racket. Now these percents vary given a persons income, the amount of the prize, the state etc but as a general over view here is how it works.

When you win a prize say $100,000 your winnings are taxed. Lets say for example you get to keep $60,000 and you have a $40,000 tax burden on your winnings. This tax burden can be offset by showing gambling losses that can be itemized on your tax return. So if you have $20,000 dollars in non-winning tickets, or casino receipts, or betting tickets you can reduce your tax burden by that amount. For simplistic sake we will say now that you can show a $20,000 loss your take home on the $100,000 is now $80,000 instead of $60,000. You give yourself a $20,000 raise by going to a used ticket broker. Where you purchase $20,000 worth of used or non-winning slips for say $2k So you are paying $2k to get $18k more of the prize money. Make sense? It is a little more complicated then that but that is it in a nut shell. You can write off up to your current winnings and to a percent of your income. (Check local laws before attempting and remember tax fraud = pound you in the ass prison)

So when you are checking your tickets at the store and are inevitably told they are losers watch what the clerk does with your losers. They might be putting them in a separate drawer or bin where they are stock piling them for trade on the black market in which case I would immediately ask for a cut of the action.

Also curious is to watch people comb the bins and trash cans after your local horse races for betting slips.

WTF? Check Ebay or Craigs list for Used Lotto Tickets or people fronting as "Lotologists" you will find the right people to help you keep more of your money through itemized deductions.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Whiskey Plates Are the New Tramp Stamp.

In Minnesota we have an interesting system where by if you receive a DUI you get a special license plate that allows the police to pull you over when ever they feel like it. We lovingly call them Whiskey Plates.

Now here is the logic of using the Whiskey Plate for a picking up the driver.

1.) You know they like to party and you can approach them in another setting other then a bar. (after all you get them after your second DUI)

2.) If you have had a similar experience you can easily start a conversation.

3.) If they have them on their car cause of their significant other they are probably looking for some pay back on them.

4.) They have already proven they are open to making some bad decisions.

5.) They need a ride.


Careful though cause they are also probably broke and it is a good sign that they just paid a ton of money for fees and tickets but might not have had enough money to get a lawyer out of having to put the plates on in the first place.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wash Me

On of my favorite things to do is to write messages in the dirt on the back of peoples cars.

"Poop on me I like it."
"I have this car b\c I have a little penis."
"I have crabs."
"I eat celery"
"I have a midget in the trunk"

Depending how drunk I get the messages tend to make less and less sense.

The trick is you have to be fast people get really pissed if you mess with their cars.

I am also open to taking requests so if there is something you would like to see written in pure Minnesota grime on the back of a car let me know and I will make it happen.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

L.E.T.L.A.R (Life exploration though logic and reason)

The purpose of Letlar is too create a new kind of renaissance person for the twenty first century. To create an individual through experiences and a forum where people can come together to discuss ideas and create action and change. It is an open secret society meaning that anyone can join provided that they meet or are working towards certain requirements. Here are the requirements for the three levels of Letlar.

The goal of letlar is to open minds, build confidence, learn practical skills like how to install a toilet or turn an idea into a business, get involved in position of influence and change, debate, have fun and push each other in a never ending cycle of self improvement and fulfillment. The levels don't really matter they are superficial and meant merely as a guide of benchmarks to help set goals and monitor personal progress.

Apprentice
1.) You are in school working on a four year degree.
2.) You participate in the POS book club or another local book club.
3.) You participate in Letlar drinking Olympics.
4.) You participate in educational clinics. (Habitat, Art Tours, Seminars, Waste Treatment Tours, etc.)


Citizens
1.) You have a four year degree.
2.) You are taking or have rank in a self defense skill. (Boxing, Karate, Kickboxing etc.)
3.) You play a musical instrument or are actively taking lessons.
4.) You have completed a firearms safety session.
5.) You participate in politics or a campaign.
6.) You take a technical assessment or attend training on technology advancement.
7.) You participate in tall hall debates.
8.) You take a red cross emergency first responder course.
9.) You continue to do items 2-4 in the apprentice.

Knights
1.) You have completed or are in an advanced degree program.
2.) You speak or are learning a second language.
3.) You have submitted one idea for patent.
4.) You have submitted or published at least one piece of original work.
5.) You host or have a workshop for other members in your area of expertise.
6.) You pass a technology implementation assessment (Put together a phone or computer from parts and create a limited working network or build a solar generator from parts etc. or code a computer application)
7.) Peer evaluations of work.
8.) Cook an entire meal from scratch using only what you find at the farmers market or a cooking class.
8.) Complete an endurance test of strength and stamina. (Triathlon, Marathon, 3 Day Walk for Cancer, MS150 Bike Tour, etc)
9.) Continue to do items 2-7 from the Citizen Group

Monday, September 08, 2008

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Left for Milwaukee

Holy Shit first off thanks to everyone for a great weekend and a ton of shots for my broke ass..I think I am actually still peeing straight vodka..lol

Drinks @ the Hyatt, Dinner at Fratellos, Drinks @ Trinty, Bar Louie ...(Insert some more places here I can't seem to remember)...Hotel.

Saturday

Woke up thinking there was an earthquake, then quickly realized it was just me shaking...blood mary.

Went to the Miller Brewery tour and this should definitely be a stop if you are ever in Milwaukee.

Tailgated for the Brewer Game.

Watched the Game.

Went to Rounding Third after the game then to Hart Lounge? Bootleggers.ummmm The Back to Bar Louie. Then realizing it is bar time I was granted my first experience at a George Webb....and it was fucking awesome!!!


Sunday

Woke up @ eight Drove my hungover ass home. Spent the rest of the day praying death would greet me.


Watched the VMA....they sucked

Friday, September 05, 2008

Five Things I Need and Save a Grown-Up Foundation

1.) A best friend who is an attorney and can help me for free.

2.) A haircut.

3.) A new set of tires and rear brakes....maybe a new set of struts if the mechanic fairy is willing.

4.) A C-Sharp developer who will do a risky project pro-bono with the potential for a good pay-off in 6-12 months.

5.) A new roof.

Or a lump sum of about 36k should do it.

I was thinking of starting a charity where wealthy people who are dying and have no kin could accept pleas for inheritance from strangers. Kind of like "Save a Child" but for grown-ups with problems. I would send them my picture and daily updates about how their money will change my life. Unfortunately hospice and long term care facilities have been very proactive in blocking my entrance to their premises so this idea has yet to fully materialize.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Thank You RNC - Rise of the Independant

While it is not the first time I have had a gun pointed at me, I don't think one can ever get used to a person on a roof top tracing their every move with a high powered rifle.

Who knew a F@#K Bush tee-shirt had the ability to put your life in immediate danger.

I looked at the perimeter surrounding the Xcel center keeping the people and protesters out of the political process by a use of force, imprisonment, media marginalization, and threat of deadly force.

I tried to reconcile this view with the fact that when I was in Iceland several years back I actually stumbled into a Parliament meeting and even as a tourist was able to watch the government at work. 50 feet away from the prime minister.

People say that we are different here that we have a target on our back. Maybe we should really look at that. If enough people want to kill that you have to travel with an entire batallion of soliders maybe you are not doing things that are in the peoples best interest. Maybe we could just listen to each other instead of hiring more secutity.

Because something here is wrong. This barrier in yellow tape, taffic cones, gaurd rails, tire spikes creating a buffer zone between the haves and the have nots.

Something is wrong....it just feels wrong.

I actually looked out over the crowds of protestors, crowds of people who lined the streets in the name of change. They actually gave me hope that

Somewhere along the line we be came a dictatorship. Choose dictator A or B.

In my only viable option of protest left come November I am going to choose C.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Putting Handjobs Back on the Table

One of the most accepted forms of relaxation in our society is the massage. Millions of well to do woman or even women of moderate means turn to the spa and the masseuse as an island oasis from stress.

Disrobing in front of a stranger to have massage oils poured over their bodies as an attractive person who is not their love interest rubs the naked flesh of their bodies until the worries of the day have dissappeared.

So why does the hand job get such a bad rap?

It is the same thing, a stranger massaging you to relieve stress.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Misinformation

Contrast CNN's version of 5,000 people peacefully marching with a few broken windows.

With what actually happened.

Well over 50,000 people in the streets before tear gas and pepper spray were used to disburse the crowds.

The Human Mind and Entertainment Paradox

Human beings primal difference is the ability to think. To translate thoughts into actions through the use of their opposable thumbs. We have split the atom. De-coded the genome. Built massive structures. Cured diseases and traveled into space.

I am always curious that this being with all of this capacity for thought and logic primarily finds its entertainment in the form of completely shutting its ability to think off.

What do we do for fun? How do we celebrate our gift of thought?

We get wasted.
We clamor to the latest blockbuster movies where we can watch some misunderstood hero fight the forces of evil and blow a lot of stuff up on the way.
We jump out of planes.
We stand in line for carnival rides that scatter the senses.
We look for excitement often at the expense of our health, financial resources, loved ones.

Recreationally we do everything we can to avoid using our magical gift of thought....and for some reason it feels good.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Weekend ReCap

Friday


Saturday

Read: The Sex Lives of Cannibals by J. Maarten Troost This book was great besides being a glimpse into the American Colonialization and decimation of the Marshall Islands (This is where we test biological and nuclear weapons) It was just plain funny. His dry sarcastic humor was right up my alley and the first half of the book had some of the best writing that I have seen in a long time.
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Lives-Cannibals-Equatorial-Pacific/dp/0767915305



Sunday

Watched: What Happens in Vegas
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1033643/