Saturday, February 28, 2009

New IPHONE App and an Apology

First the apology. To everyone in my phone whose name happens to begin with the letter A-L I realize you get the bulk of my drunk dials and I am sorry for that I rarely make it out of the L's so people in the later half of the alphabet thank your lucky stars you are far enough down my contact list to survive the hours of 12-4AM un molested by Bizzio von Bittensnatch.

To solve this I would like to have someone develop me an app for my phone. If you sell it cut me in on it for 5%...

It is called Random Drunk Dial I shake my phone and it gives me a number to drunk dial or drunk text at random.

One safety features I would request... There must be a way to exclude bosses or anyone else who can get you fired from the random shake.

As a bonus I would like to offer an upgraded package for an additional 99 cents that will let me drunk dial people not in my contact list but who have also signed up for the application when they are logged into it....you know kind of a way to meet other people who have DDS or Drunk Dialing Syndrome.

Let me know if any of you phone application developers are in....

Friday, February 27, 2009

Green vs Green

I have read two books on the same topic over the last week that could not have been more different.

Book 1.) The Green Collar Economy by Van Jones

Book 2.) Hot, Flat and Crowded, by Thomas Friedman

First off let me say I absolutely agree with the concept we need a green revolution to save this country, it is going to be painful, it is going to be expensive, but the consequences of not doing it are even greater. I am not a hard sell on this topic I am already buying.

With that said I am glad that I got book one at the library because if I bought it I would have been pissed. I don't mind a little bit of extravagant dooms days language to make your point I mean you are trying to sell it but give me a break. The causality in this book scared me. (If we have a green revolution we can reverse racism?, the proportion of income that CEO's make compared to employees? Make the entire world fair again? What? We are facing run-a-way global warming.....data? At least a note something? Human nature to dominate and control is not going to dissipate just because we harness the power of the wind.

I don't mind opted ed pieces I write them all of the time but this book was an opt ed piece disguised as research.

Book 2 was a little better. I am a luke warm Friedman fan, but I think it was a much more comprehensive look at the subject. I especially enjoyed the part about how utility companies work, something I have never thought about before this was fascinating to me. From coal to my outlet..Kind of blew my mind But I digress.

Both books did mention one other thing that really caught my eye about how Jimmy Carter started all of these green projects in the 70's even to the extent of installing solar panels on the white house (Which Regan immediately removed and cut funding for) I wonder if republicans will think differently after reading it?


The winner between the two books.................Friedman, although I wasn't particulary inspired by either of them at least after reading this I have a clearer view of the problem and what it is going to take to solve it.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Trading Names

Last weekend when I was in Milewaukee we went to this place called, "The Open Flame" It was a nice place with good food and service but for some reason I was kind of mad that the name was wasted on this place. Wouldn't The Open Flame be great name for a gay bar or a fondue spot?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Monday, February 23, 2009

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Went to Milwaukee (Hales Corners)

Party Party Party :)


Saturday

Resumed....

Party Party Party:)

Happy Birthday E


Sunday

home.....

Read Nudge: Improving Decisions about Health, Wealth and Happiness., by Richard Thaler

I hated this book and everything it stood for, I hate the premise of a third party deciding what is good for me. The first few chapters we worth while about why people make the decisions they do and the psychology behind it, but as soon as he started to determine how to use this to make the world a better place I get enraged.

Granted things like automatic opt in for 401k are probably a good idea for most people but automatic opt in for organ transplants just started a slippery slope for me. What if the powers that be decide that automatic opt in to the Military is a great benefit to the country? I still think for better our worse people should have the right to decide what they want.

I also think his pompous remarks about the difference between ECON's and "humans" were kind of tiring. I have seen just as many studys of "Econs" falling into the same logical traps so you are not immune to the dumb ways of thinking Mr. Thaler

The only thing I ended up liking from this book was his stance on marriage that the state and federal level should only recognize civil unions and not marriages and leave the marriages to the church. Otherwise screw it ....

Friday, February 20, 2009

Business Idea #254132 - BecauseIloveyou.com

Premise: Women love flowers and presents at ransom times throughout the year as well as on their birthdays and anniversary

Men often suck as fulfilling this obligation.

So is born the website because I love you.com

Here is the premise for a monthly subscription charge you get to enter your significant other, mom or who ever you want to sign up into the interface.

You enter their birthday, anniversary, name, shipping information, generic message for cards... etc.

Then you select a package.

1.) Cute

2.) OMG

or

3.) Prince Fucking Charming

The packages correspond to the size of the arrangements that the recipient will receive.

Then on 3 (semi)random dates the recipient will get flowers sent to the them, they will also get flowers sent to them on their birthday and their anniversary.

The beauty of this system is you are just an order taker you then forward the orders onto a flower wholesaler and distributor whom you have a contract with who will then ship the flowers to the recipient.

You are basically driving traffic for a flower distributor and getting cash.

Take out a few ad's in Men's Fitness, Etc.. and you are up and running.

Anyone know a flower retailer other then Bachman's who kind of laughed and screwed me when I approached them about Wholesaling?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Why Is It So Salty?

Experiment #2574863 - Bar Popcorn Myth

One of my favorite things in the world is popcorn. Huge handfuls of popcorn. So much that half of it misses your mouth and lands on the floor. The buttery goodness trickling down your cheeks..yum.

This is one of the reasons that I enjoy going to bars that offer free popcorn.

Now there are a few camps of thought when it comes to why popcorn is served free at the bar.

1.) Salt makes you drink more.

2.) People who have food in their stomach can drink more.

3.) People with limited money have to choose between beer and food no longer have to.

All of these items in the end are aimed at selling more booze then the cost of the popcorn it takes to get people to drink it.


Here comes the test several people who are friends of mine who happen to be both big drinkers and popcorn eaters walk into a test bar. (This is unknown to them that this is the test bar) We order drinks and I make a mark on napkin of how fast everyone finished their drink. (All about equal)

We then go to a popcorn bar and they are asked to draw drink straws - Blue Straw = Popcorn Eater, Red Straw = Non-Popcorn eater

I tell them that I would like to see what team can fart the loudest at the end of the night the people who at the popcorn or those who didn't. (I didn't want to tell them the truth about what was being measured since as soon as you make people aware it is a quantity thing your results get screwed)

I then tally drinks for each person on a napkin for the rest of the night

So the results.....

They both drank the same amounts. But the team without the popcorn reported to be less happy. (I think I fucking hate you sometimes) was the exact phase they also reported (bitched) more the next morning about their hang over's.

I realize these results are still inconclusive, and a much larger sample size is needed but I still was surprised that there was no difference in the amount consumed between these two camps...

But I think I found something else - Popcorn eaters are happier then non-popcorn eaters.

Now I just need to do this with a big enough sample size that I can write a paper on it.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tire-d

Close to 10 years ago I had a roommate who popped his tire the day before he was moving out.
He placed that tire next to the garbage can in my alley for pick up and moved to another state.
That tire sat next to my garbage can for a year before I accepted that the city was not going to pick it up.
So after my neighbors started to bitch about mosquito pools and west Nile virus I rolled the tire into my garage.
Where it has sat for the last 9 years.

Once in a while the contempt for the tire would come over me and I would Google what I had to do to get rid of it...

Get a tire voucher, bring it to the dump drop off site 5 miles from my house.

20 minutes of work I put off for 10 years.

I would get mad at the tire, my roommate for leaving it.

I would harbor fantasies about rolling it down the alley to another neighbors bin.

But mostly I held a grudge, felt angry, complained and did nothing.

I walked by that tire in December and I said to myself that tire is not the problem....you are.

I sat down at my kitchen table and I made a list of every thing like the tire that would take only about 20 minutes each to fix and for most part just require action on my part and no money.

Some examples

1.) Fix a door knob
2.) Tighten a banister
3.) Fill-out application for graduation
4.) Take tire to the dump
5.) Bring school books to half price
6.) Clean up credit report

etc.


I came up with 120 things that would make my life better that met the following criteria
1.) Simplify Life
2.) Declutter
3.) Expand your mind
4.) Lesson your needless expenses
5.) Increase your wealth and happiness
6.) Manage known risks

7.) Must be able to complete task in under 30 minutes

Then was born the 120
120 minutes a day
30 minutes of exercise
30 minutes of reading
20 minutes getting one thing done off of the task list

40 days into this year I have 40 things crossed off this list.

Yesterday after work I brought that tire to the dump.

Not a monumental task by any means but I tell you that when I tossed that tire into the dumpster that a million pounds of weight went with it.

And I smiled the whole way home.

Sigma Xi Says......

"..avoid the unmanageable and manage the unavoidable..."

I like that.

It is one of my key goals this year to be more proactive in determining the outcome of events and to tell you the truth to be back in control of my life and destiny after being in a tailspin for so long feels really good:)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bully in the House

Can you imagine if we were suddenly to announce that we were going to make up the deficit by taxing tampons? Or activator? How about canes? A suburb living tax, A wheel chair tax? Or any other item that is specific to a targeted group of people. There would be outrage.

Not a peep though when the federal tax on cigarettes was passed.
Bleeding the undesirables, who cant defend themselves.

Picking on the weak and disenfranchised.

Make no mistake there is a bully in the house....and I hate bullies.

Even though I am not smoking this pisses me off as an American with a sense of justice and freedom. It is wrong, they lied it will not be used for health care. Remember when Minnesota won billions in the tobacco settlement to cover the supposedly large cost of smoking bore by the state?

Where did the money go? What dollar amount went to easing health care costs? .......0

The money was sold as bonds to investors to cover budget shortfalls due to the Governers policy of not raises taxes in line with spending.

Our government is using two tactics to discriminate against a particular group of people...playing on the fears that people have about rising health care costs and demonizing cigarettes.

Even if you don't smoke it is wrong...tampons could be next.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Weekend ReCap

Friday

One of the most perfect days I can remember.

My phone broke so I went into Verizon and got a new phone for free:) I still don't know how to use it but I am learning.

Got a call from the manager at Tires Plus that he had a deal on the tires I have been hounding him for ....cheaper then even my lowest offer!! So I got four new tires:) Seriously I have been sliding around all winter on the baldest tires you have ever seen so it was such a good feeling to have that taken care of I cant even tell you.

Off to the Loop for Happy Hour.

To Sapor for dinner seriously the lamb with Jamaican yogurt sauce is off the hook.

Bev's for a nice glass of wine.

Tailgate:)


Saturday

It was a cultural event day and getting back in touch with my Swedish Heritage I traveled to the Swedish Institute. To be honest it was alright it was a pretty cool mansion, the glass blowing exhibit was cool, and there was something about a lot of sweaters that I didn't quite get, but I am glad I went and checked it out.

Then off to sample some fine German cuisine and beer at the Black Forest Inn and by fine I mean dirty..seriously I don't know if I just walked in here on the wrong day but I will will never walk back in again to find out.

Went to Macs Industrial to was the germs out of my mouth with lots of booze...classic Valentines day:)

Sunday

Read: Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life, by Paul Ekman. This book has been quoted by just about everybody and after reading it I can see why. It was kind of the Red Queen of emotions. Being the un-empathetic prick that I am this book will actually probably help be more in touch with people.

Typed 10 pages for my class.

Watched The Diving Bell & The Butterfly and it was one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Alignment Leakage Defined

Alignment leakage occurs when you are using the rest room in a rush and the slit in your pants does not match up with the slit in you boxers.

It requires you to do something similar to the sign below with your junk to get it out there.




The problem with this is as soon as you put your junk away the 50cc's of urine that were being defied against gravity as your cock snaked left and right come pouring out in your pants.

Think of a minor kink being released in a hose.

Now there you are with damp underwear. It is uncomfortable, you feel weird, you suddenly get this irrational feeling someone might go down there....

Just wanted to share this before Valentines day so when all of you are down there expressing your love you will have something to think about.

Love,
Bizzio VonStuffensnatch

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Nit Twit

There are two people I know in this entire world who are exciting\interesting enough to use twitter regularly and neither of them are you. Yes I realize that twitter and status updates have their place. but broadcasting stuff like this to all of your friends is not it....

- I'm tired....

Then take a fucking nap, because unless your fatigue is due to be gangbanged by 6 monkeys two midgets and a goat I don't give a shit and then I only give a shit if you have it on tape.


- I'm bored

Well then why don't you masturbate like the rest of us? Or better yet get off your computer and go make some friends...you know... real friends...like we used to be. If 90 percent of conversation is visual (you remember visual watching and responding to a partner) touch (warmth, Goosebumps, tingles), smell etc it doesn't matter that you have a 1000 friends online you are only living 10% of your life. Go out.

The truth is people who constantly post stuff like this are fishing for attention. ...and the sad thing about it is they are getting fed..

Any update that says something like this but does not give the reason is done by an Exhauster. (If you have to ask I wonder why so and so is__inset some short evasive answer__ and then you actually waste your own time to find out you are dealing with an Exhauster) The kind of person you should delete from your life because they are emotionally and physically exhausting not to mention time consuming.

Their basic goal is attention and they don't care who they get it from( Hence why they send it out to a huge group of people) you are not special to them, you an entry on a distribution list, simply a mirror for them to look into and tell themselves how important they are.


The sooner you block them the better.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Roll Out!

With the expanding waist lines of most Americans I think there will be a time in the near future when products or services that use the term that is is increasing being associated with the fat deposits on the human body will look to drop the roll from their titles.

Some areas that will be effected

Dinner Rolls
Sushi Rolls
Roll a joint
Roll a drunk


In anticipation for this day I would like to see if anyone has any suggestions for renaming these products and services. I have always been a fan of twisting a joint and drunk tipping but for some reason I get suck on what a dinner roll should be renamed.

Its not a muffin. Dinner ball has to low tech and perverted connation......what to do with dinner roll?

Or sushi?....Does it need the roll?

Any ideas for Sushi or Dinner Rolls?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Allergies

I wonder if cats ever bitch about being allergic to people, especially really hairy people.

Frisky: "Ginger doesn't bother me but I think that is cause she shaves and waxes so much."
Fuzzy: "Tell me about it only the long hair ones bother me..."

Monday, February 09, 2009

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Went to Wisconsin Dells specifically the The Wilderness

Bar hopped to Monk's and Marley's

Green fairy stole my coat


Saturday


Went down water slide. Screamed like a little girl and proceeded to get bombed at:

Monk's
Sharkey's for suck and blows
Swig at Nigs
Showboat
Marley's



Sunday

Tanger Outlets - wanted to rip my face off

Cheese Factory for Wisconsin souvenirs

Made a swirly with my wisconsin souvenirs in the toilet

Tailgate for food

Friday, February 06, 2009

Organic Matters

But its not organic...

I only do all natural.....you know..for my health

Here are a few things that also natural

Shit... runny shit... all kinds of shit...from all animals.
E-coli
Maggots
Flesh eating bacteria
Larvae...you know bug eggs..in your food
Herpes
Goutiers
Boils
Cyanide
Salmonella
Piss
Genital warts

and

Zit puss

Gives a whole different perspective to the organic movement doesn't it?

(Movement in the last sentence was supposed to be used in the sense of a bowel movement, but what ever I am going to eat a twinke)

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Failure of Logic #7654398 - None of my Pens Work!!

I always crack up when people keep pulling pens that have been laying horizontal in a drawer out and try to write with them.

They make huge swirly marks on paper and often resort to swearing.

They do this in the name of trying to get them to work..lol

"Do we have any pens that fucking work around here!?!"

Here is a piece of advice...... pens work on gravity. Try keeping them vertical, perhaps in a cup on your counter with the tip of the pen pointing down and this problem will solve itself.

They are not meant to be kept in drawers laying flat.

This has been a public service announcement.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

George of the Rainforest?

Somewhere in my life time all of the jungles of the world were replaced by rainforests, all of the animals were replaced by wildlife, and all of the swamps became wetlands.

Isn't that magical that someone can clean up the entire world just by switching the names?

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

CSI - Work Around

I wonder why people don't get more creative when trying to leave foot prints at a crime scene. Like take a plaster mold of someone else's shoe prints then fasten them to the bottom of their own shoes and walk around. So you can frame someone else.

They always wear bigger shoes but then don't you run the risk of tripping or being super slow?

This is a fun game to play watch an episode of CSI and then correct all of the mistakes that the criminals made.

When you think about it with all of the crime shows net work TV is really just a training class for the next generation of super villains.

Ok maybe this is only funny to me...lol

Monday, February 02, 2009

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Worked out.

Fish Fry @ my crib (Deep fried zucchini, shrimp, cod, walleye, onion rings)

Drinks at Tailgate

Saturday

Worked out.

Read:A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future by Dan Pink. There wasn't anything extremely new here just a lot of concepts taken from other places and reassembled to make a new whole...which is his entire point. It did make me take another look at my up coming class load and work projects and see how and where I could develop a few new skills.


Origami for a sushi roll. I really wanted to ash the owners if they put a hit on Jermey Piven but the oppertunity never came up:(

Loop for a quick one.


Sunday

Watched: Henry Poole is Here. It was pretty good even for a religious movie. It started fairly slow but then that was kind of the point.

Super Bowl