Booth? No Thanks...

I will wait for a stool. When going to a bar it defeats the purpose to sit at a table. As soon as you do you are no longer at a bar you are at a restaurant that serves drinks. You have an extra degree of separation when ordering drinks, extra wait time. You are isolated from everyone else in your own island of chairs. What fun is that? No thanks I think I will wait for a stool.

30+ 1/365

I am still alive....barley

Thanks for the great weekend everyone:)

My Birthday Song...

Birthday Boy - Courtesy of Soulja Boy

Chorus: x2]
Birthday Boy Off In This Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Birthday Boy
Then Super Man Dat Hoe
Now Watch Me Do
(Crank Dat Birthday Boy)
Now Watch Me yua!
(Crank Dat Birthday Boy)
Now Watch Me yua!
(Crank Dat Birthday Boy)
Now Watch Me yua!
(Crank Dat Birthday Boy)

[Verse 1:]
Birthday Boy Off In This Hoe
Watch Me Lean And Watch Me Rock
Super Man Dat Hoe
Then Watch Me Crank Dat Robocop
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Jocking On Them Haterz Man
When I Do Dat Birthday Boy
I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat thing
(Now Yua!)
I'm Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass
And If We Get The Fightin
Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday
Haterz Get Mad Cuz
"I got me some bapes today"

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 2:]
I'm Bouncin On My Toe
Watch Me Super Soak Dat Hoe
I'ma Pass It To Arab
Then He Gon crank it up 4 sholl (sholl)
Haterz Wanna Be Me
Birthday Boy, I'm The Man
They Be Lookin At My Neck
Sayin Its The Rubberband Man (Man)
Watch Me Do It (Watch Me Do It)
Dance (Dance)
Let Get To It (Let Get To It)
Nope, You Can't Do It Like Me
Hoe, So Don't Do It Like Me
Folk, I See You Tryna Do It Like Me
Man That Shit Was Ugly

[Chorus x4]

[Hook:]
Im 2 clean off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank that roosavelt
And super soak that Hoe [x10]

Im to fresh up in this bitch
Watch me shuffle
Watch me jig
Watch me crank my shoulder work
Super man that bitch [x6]

Shes a Material Girl

You are a great person and have been a great friend BUT....

There is a correlation that is generally lost on you when looking for a mate.

If you look for a sugar daddy who is rich and cares about material things as his hallmark for success you will be let down and please do not cry to me anymore.

You are attracted to him because he is a collector of things

You are one of those things...

When you are interested in collecting things, you always want more, better, newer...

As follows he will leave you for more, better, newer..

So you have been aptly warned...

Please direct your future bitching, crying and self pity elsewhere.

And granted every kind of guy can let you down but your choices equate to a higher then average chance that you will be miserable and heartbroken again next month.

Brian Out

Weekend Sound Bites

Person One: Do you have any redbull?
Brianinmpls: I have a ton of bull but I am running low on red, can I get you something else?


Bartender: Last call
Brianinmpls: *Hell yeah!* I can't believe it is two am and I am still standing. I am fucking rock star!! (I am sure this was pretty slurred)
Bartender: Brian it is 7:45 we are closing early for the holiday..
Brianinmpls: Oh shit

Brianinmpls: Can you imagine the fucking balls I have wearing white underwear after two days of drinking like this and eating a cheese pizza?
Everyone: *Silence*

Brianinmpls: Days like this I wish my car seat was a port-a-potty and my car ran on feces.
Everyone: *Silence*


Hot Lady: I love this song. (Bing Crosby - Baby It's Cold Outside) It is so romantic the effort, the style the seduction of getting her to stay.
Brianinmpls: I want to write the second part of this song its called, "Thanks for the fuck now get out."

BNN Special Report 5:15- 5:18

Wrote this on a napkin before I left out of town...hope everybody had a good holiday I am going to go sweat out the shakes I got going on...

5:15 - 5:18 12/19/207 Minneapolis MN 55417 Tailgate


1.) A man in a tan carhart jacket and a supposed gang banger are fighting an unannounced war on the touch tunes machine. Taking turns supplanting each others music preferences with their own. Currently the carhart man is basking us all in Johnny Cash's Cocaine Blues while the gang banger is shooting him annoyed glances.

2.) A man to my right is alternating looking at his drink, checking his watch and eying his billfold. It is obviously he has been here for a while and is worried about covering his tab. I know the feeling and am probably doing similar motions.

3.) My vodka red bull is almost gone and I am losing on Buzz time Trivia to someone named FLY

4.) The Christmas decorations of lights and tinsel on the windows mask an underlying sense of depression that is almost visible.

5.) The song has changed over to something about getting low low low....so it goes

Sign-Off

In going through a stack of holiday cards I received in the mail I noticed an interesting correlation. The name of the sender was on average 1.5 times bigger then the name of the addressee. This mean was actually weighted down by the amount of cards that were typed and therefor reached parity.

For example

To Brian <- addressee

rjhsdflkjhgesrolhsjhkfksjd

Love,

WILMA <-sender

I wonder what it means? Is it that they want to call attention to themselves instead of you through this token? Maybe I am just paranoid?

Anyways just an interesting observation....Do you notice the same?

Blogger Cash Cow for Google

I bet Google is worth $700 a share on the float it makes from blogger alone.

How it works? You sign up for Adsense. For every hit on an add on your page Google collects a fee from an advertiser that it holds till you reach a certain amount. Say 100 dollars which takes about forever so that whole time they are holding your money they are earning interest on it. Pretty good gig I would say...

Figure 50 million bloggers and websites that use adsense if they each have $50 (median for payout) sitting in an account it is $2,500,000,000.00 dollars that is earning interest every month. If you figure they are at least making treasury yield on the interest that is roughly $10.5 million dollars in interest they are making off your money. This is just a side business from the % they are making on the actual advertising contracts.

PS If you are not using adsense on your blog you can click on the link on the right column and sign up. Something is better then nothing.

Smart people there...

Commercial Song #23421 - Asthma

You know what would would be a good song for an asthma commercial?

Harder to Breathe by Maroon Five

"Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe"

Sleep Buffer

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge fan of sleep and naps.
I hold the world record for being able to fall asleep in .00026 seconds after my head hits the pillow on a consistent basis.

This brings me to my Achilles heal, the ten minute buffer before I go to sleep and the ten minute window upon waking up. For the sake of getting to my goal of REM I will pretty much agree to anything asked or told to me during this time. I think this is actually how I ended up married the first time. I am on auto-pilot. I really have no comprehension of what is being said or asked of me during this time.

So New Rule: Any contract entered into by me within these sleep buffer zones is catogorically Null and void.