Joy Is A Capsized Ship - Part 2

A corner is turned
A right angle
Compass points north
Conversations spark new ways of thinking
They illuminate how rotten my hull is
On the horizon is a new view
I would say I walked a plank
But that is too simple
I wasn't spurred to a plunge into the abyss by threats
But by promises
Fantasy
I went willingly
Naively
I step off the end
Into an illusion of what life is supposed to look like
A siren charms my snake
I forget more than just my name
I spoke with my heart drained of meaning and blood
Blood that was pooled elsewhere
I am lust
I am greed
I am building a ship
Not for me
But for a show and tell
I am doing well
Just do not look too closely
I am insecure
I am frail
I am a movie set of perfection
My cardboard back turned towards
All that I loved
Paint only makes things look new
I left without even waving
My vows mean nothing
Because I am nothing
I walk across the water so filled with sharks you would swear the ocean was paved
I feel pain
I am being devoured by carnivores on the inside
I try to come up for air
The surface is frozen
My screams echo off from under the ice
The sun mocks me from the other side
Water fills my lungs
I am scared
I am hurting
I am alone
Forgotten words, faces, touches
It took me 15 years to be able to tell another human being that I hurt
Now no one is left to hear me
Everything I thought was important is frozen in the ice on the surface
I am dying
As I sink into the darkness
I see my imprint in the ice
Hollow man
Form with out substance
I close my eyes
And see clearer than I have ever seen before
Today is the day I cried in public again