Ingredients

"Good for Mind Body and Soul" A tag line we are all familiar with. I was shopping at the local co-op this week and I was surprised how many packaged goods had this mantra on the box from cereal to tea.

I wonder how can a product make that claim? How do you prove that the vitamin and mineral composition of your product is better for someones soul then some other product?

How does something that you ingest physically better something that is not physical?

I have begun a writing campaign to some of these companies seeking the answers, I will keep you posted with what my investigation turns up.

Telepost

I had to look up the word tele this weekend. The pre-fix is used for a wide variety of products such as Telephones, Televisions, Telepathic, Telecommunications. For those of you who were in the dark like me on this one "tele" is Greek for "distant"

So with this new found knowledge I set out to the bar and proceeded to bug the shit out of people. I walked up to everybody I could find and said with the most concerned face I could muster, "You seem tele tonight is everything ok?" This was especially funny to do to people I did not know especially if they looked like they were having fun.

Two Questions For Friday

Can the wind ever blow strong enough or long enough to make a flag blow straight without a single wave in it?

and

Have we associated winning the lottery with being struck by lightning so much that we actually think that someone who is struck by lightning is lucky?

Finally an Answer...

In the age old question, "would you like to be a pirate or a ninja?"

I have decided that it is a pirates life for me. While I respect the ninja, his vast assortment of weapons, his ability to kill you a hundred different ways and his stealth and honor the whole thing collapses when we take lifestyles into account.

I am just not a person of vast discipline.

I like to drink -- Winner Pirate (Now rum isn't my favorite but if it is a choice between tea or even rum and sake rum wins hands down)

I like to fornicate -- Winner Pirate. (Now there is some debate around this one since it is possible that a pirate will be at sea for a long time and a ninja may have a hot little geisha at home. But I am going to side with the pirate on this one since more is known about what happens when you go into port then about the ninja's home life)

I like to travel and go to the beach -- Winner Pirate

I like bootie -- Winner Pirate

I like to be clean -- Winner Ninja

So after considerable thought on the subject I am thinking of becoming a pirate. I have decided to start small so if you are thinking about taking a canoe out on lake Calhoun this weekend...think again!

So how about you? Pirate or Ninja?

Recipe for Disaster

How to drive someone crazy in a few easy steps....

1.) Make sure they can not sleep. Either through use of noise, fear or stress

2.) Make sure that they are not eating well...diets high in sugar and fats work the best. This is best accomplished by making sure they don't have enough money to eat well.

3.) Turn the heat up to 94 degrees and offer no relief from the blistering sun

4.) Take away the security of someones home through foreclosure

5.) Flood the neighborhoods with booze and drugs and watch it come apart by the seems...

Here is the Minneapolis Foreclosure Map

Here is the shoots fired report from this week...

I wonder what the tipping point for the collapse of our civilization is?

Love is Emotional Bondage

Love is emotional bondage
When it is good there is no feeling like its ecstasy
Its thrill, its rush, its energy
When it is bad there is no feeling like its confinement
Its resistance, its limitations, its pain
And you just hang there
because you have forgotten the safe words and worlds
You once shared.
Tormented and tortured

Tuesday

T = Today

U = Useless

E = Empty

S = Starving

D = Devoid

A = Anxious

Y = Yawn

Small Town Blues

What is the probability of finding your soul mate in a town with a population of under 500?

Pretty good it turns out.

At first blush if we make some assumptions say that there are 1000 possible soul mates for everybody now out of 7 billion people you are pretty fucked if you live in a town with only 500 people... but wait if we assume that you are a heterosexual and that there is a 50/50 split of male, female that then chops the population down to 3.5 billion.

If we assume that we are English and that our soul mate speaks English then we can trim the population down 90%

If we assume that they have some of the same hobby's as us we can further contract

If we can assume that they have some of the same values and experiences we can further contract until we get down to the very real possibility that your soul mate is probable the person next door.....

That is if you believe in any of this horse shit..lol

Good-Bye Again

When you are leaving someones home and say good-bye but don't end up leaving right away how much time has to go by before you say good-bye again?

I was leaving a friends house this weekend and said good bye to the host first and then did my rounds saying good bye to everyone else. About 10 minutes went by before I actually stepped out the door by-passing the host who said," Aren't you going to to say good-bye again?" It was said in a tone that in no way could be mistaken that by not saying it twice I had offended her. She also said again so I know she registered the first one....

Just wondering if there is a rule of thumb I can follow on this so it doesn't happen again.

Drive for World Domination

My golf drive this year is averaging 220 yards :(

Now if the circumference of the earth is 24,901 miles and there is 1760 yards in a mile that would mean the earth is 43,826,728 yards around at my current stroke it would take....199,212.4 tee shots to carry my ball around the world...assuming I play a full 18 everytime out I would need to tee off in 11,067 games to say that I hit a golf ball around the world.

Just thought you would like to know in case you are wondering.

Prediction #25471 - Crime

Security for the rich makes the world more dangerous for the middle class and the poor.

The advent of the car alarm started a whole trend in crime called car jacking. You could no longer steal a car off the street with the new security so to solve this problem people started to point guns at drivers while they were in the car and taking them. Thankfully technology has restored the balance of non-violent theft. You can now get car chips that open and unlock doors relatively cheap making car jacking a losing proposition. Wouldn't you rather just let them take it off the street without the whole gun in your face thing?

I started to think about this in context to the rising rate of home invasions in Minneapolis. With camera, surveillance and CSI technology robbing a store, bank or the home of a wealthy person becomes very hard to do and that is bad news for the rest of us....

My prediction: With the increased use of ATM cards making cash harder to steal and the increased level of security available to business and individuals who can afford it...home invasions in middle class and lower class neighborhoods will increase over the next ten years as criminals move on to take SAC items from peoples homes. (SAC means "same as cash." It items that can be sold quickly, untraceable and the value is known to most people...items like DVD's, Guns, Jewelry ect...small valuable items that can be carried out of your home in a suitcase)

I hope it is not true...but I fear it will be...

Habitat Update

I love working with my hands. There is something so satisfying with building and looking back and saying I did that. I love it.

Reasons I love Habitat

1.) I get to build stuff

2.) I learn how to build stuff

3.) Working outside with your friends is fun:) - Rocket we missed you this this year:(

4.) You feel like you did something at the end of the day.

5.) I think about other peoples problems for a few days for some added perspective.

6.) Beer tastes good afterwards

7.) I want to be in good with them in case I get evicted and need a house

OOO- Habitat for Humanity

I will be gone for the next few days doing Habitat :) I will update with some pictures when I am back on Friday:)

Party Like a Rockstar

This was good....



A Rock Star Martini made by mixologist Jeff Rogers at Manhattan's - downtown Minneapolis' newest entry into the chic restaurant, lounge scene. The hip drink consists of cherry vodka, ginger beer and topped with champaigne and pop rocks with a star fruit garnish.

Finished all of the Friday 10 :)

Yeah:)

Friday 10 List

I try to get all of my chores done on Friday so that the rest of the weekend can be spent otherwise...


1.) Finish Requirements for Phase 1 of Project

2.) Thank-you cards for interviews this last week

3.) Lunch - pick up kitty litter

4.) After work go to home depot pick up 4 pieces of ply-wood and and 14 landscaping stones

5.) Pay and Put bills in the mail

6.) Laundry

7.) Finish backyard project (Leveling a slope)

8.) Fold Clothes

9.) Eat\shower

10.) Meet some friends that are in from out of town for some drinks @ 10:30

Go Here

Seriously go here. She is amazing....

If you need anything done for Myspace, for your Blog or just for your Website in General check her out at Project 15....her skills are just sick.

Dream Catcher

I have been having the most vivid dreams lately. Everyday when I wake up I think I have got to blog about that dream that was amazing. So I placed a note pad in my bed with a pen that I then rolled over on and broke...I woke up thinking I was in the Godfather and expected to find a horse head in my bed it was so stickey with ink...lol

So the last few nights I have left a note book and pen on my night stand but then a curious thing has startred to happen as soon as I place my foot on the ground I forget my dream, or as soon as I touch the pen I forget my dream or as soon as I pick up the notebook I forget my dream....

I have become convinced that these are magical items and they are absorbing my dreams and that one day I will discover how they are doing this and let all of my dreams loose.

Happily Never After

Why do we all feel like we are entitled to a happy ending?

Especially when you are like me and know you don't deserve it?

Sometimes I feel like the movie click
Hitting the euphoric fast-forward button
Of the track that is my life
Happiness in a race to the finish
Only to be broken
By the sight of the end
And the lack of a re-wind button

Check this Girl Out!!

Anyone thinking of redoing your blog design or needs a few graphics you have to check out my girl on project 15.

She is fucking amazing!!!

Unofficial Spokes Person for Mikes

I have been flirting with the idea of becoming the unofficial spokes person for Mikes for a little while now but recently had an experience that pushed me over the edge to absolute loyalty. I was sitting at a St.Paul Saints game when I was approached by a vendor who had Mikes Light!!! Thats right half the calories, all the booze and that same great taste..

Why is Mikes the best?

1.) You can make yummy shots with with it

2.) It doesn't taste like beer

3.) They sell it at the ball game

4.) You can road dog with it and not worry about your breath

5.) It tastes so fucking good in the summer

6.) It is a main ingredient in a Hard Johnson

7.) It is not super sticky if it gets thrown in your face and drys

8.) You can pour it under the urinal on peoples shoes and it looks like pee

Honey Do List in Espanol

Honey Do: Te he dejado una nota en casa con lo que tienes que hacer hoy.

Translation: I left you a note at home with what you have to do today.

E-Harmony?

Not if you are gay or an Aethist...

Mating Matches

This was an interesting musing for me this weekend. A large population of the associates I work with are from India where the practice of arranged marriage is still very common. A woman in our company was commenting on how awful that must be to have someone else pick your partner for you and how primitive it is.

This same woman I know for a fact spends over $5,000 a year on services like Great Expectations, E-Harmony, Its just lunch, etc. in hopes of the same thing the only difference is it is a computer picking who she should marry\date instead of a family member....

Vandals

Sometime in the middle of the night and to be honest I am not even sure which night Vandals have come and painted all of the fire hydrants yellow!! A kind of yellow that blends itself in with the burnt grass and you can't see it and park right in front of it. Leaving your car pray to the filth who in turn vandalize your windshield with their filthy paper.

What is this world coming to....

Who is on the list?

Anyone know a good reverse look up service that looks up cell phone numbers?

DC Madame turns over black book....

They are releasing them to bloggers we could all divide up years and find out who these people and publish them and make millions.


I would also like to point out that no major news source is publishing this story...stark contrast to the Heidi F. Hollywood version of a few years ago..

The Crimson Stains Spelt Freedom

In the wake of a rather patriotic fourth of July I was inspired by a few questions.

1.)What would you kill for? Die for?

2.)What is freedom?

3.) What does it mean to be an American?


1.)The dying part is easy sure I would who ever asked me to. It has been a few of those years where I would offer myself up a a sacrifice to help hair club for men reach its fundraising goal. Ahh. but to kill for what you believe..this answer is supposed to be rife with feelings and thoughts about family, friends, loved ones, liberty, the right to live. At least that is the answer I know I am supposed to give. However my answer would be something more selfish. I am unsure what is wrong with me but I have a very hard time forming relationships on anymore then a superficial level. Yet, if I am honest with my self and you I would kill for money, for success, for respect and power. I would do it to protect my interests and yours as long as they are the same. That is with one exception and you know who you are you have saved my life over the last and are the sole reason I am still here.

2.)I guess I just started to think are we really free? At a global level...Freedom is the release of morality on our culture. It is the decriminalization of drugs. Legalizing gay marriages. It is euthanasia. Being able to talk on the phone without GB listening. Legalized prostitution. Liquor stores open on Sunday.

At a local level it is me breaking out of a prison that for forged by 4 actions in my life that I can't undue.

3.) If an American is a selfish arrogant asshole then I am its epitome

Poached

Someone somewhere is wearing my humanity.

Flowers in the Graveyard

In the movie Land of the Dead living dead zombies have taken over the world with the exception of one city where the living are huddled together.

Every night the living have to go out into zombieville to steal supplies from stores. To make sure the zombies do not attack them they put, "flowers in the graveyard" their expression for lighting fireworks. These fireworks distract the masses of living dead who turn their attention skyward while the living plunder the goods around them.

Watching fireworks last night I couldn't help but think this is a perfect description of America. Distracted by blinking lights with the future being sold out from underneath us.

Hatered Day

I have decided we need a holiday that is the exact opposite of Valentines day. It is going to temporarily be called Hatered Day but I am open to something a little more catchy. Instead of telling people how much you love them you will send them cards letting them know what you really think. I have selected July 27th for this holiday because it is excellent weather for TP'ing someones house or leaving those precious little bags of burning turds on the door steps of those you hate.

Think of how much repressed rage this would deflate from our uptight society. It might even counter intuitively be the path to world peace.

So mark your calendars and let me be the first to wish all of you douche bags m!@#% F@#$& a safe trip back to planet a!@#$le

lol,
See I feel better already..

Anyone know someone at Hallmark? They are def. going to want to get in on this.

The Darkest Hour

The pendulum on my clock of last resorts
Swings wildly between winning the lottery and
Putting a bullet in my head
Its lost momentum
Stopping time
On the face of this
Self destructive version of ennnie meenie minnie moe
Where it lands no one knows

Weekend Reflections

Just some random thoughts jotted down this weekend.

1.) Whisky and lime juice actually doesn't taste too bad as a shot.

2.) Never call a stranger a "turd burglar".

3.) I don't understand artificial colors...isn't a green beer still green? green is green wait no it is artificially green...but it is still just green. (Believe it or not this conversation lasted for well over an hour)

4.) I am just not a mans man...and that is ok:)"Please quit breathing on me I don't give a shit about nascar and I don't need an excuse to sit around and drink."

5.) I judge people not by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but how well they hold their liquor. And I am really staunch about it...



Here is a shot from the A-Bar to show you how well I can handle mine...



So I was sitting at this bar with a naked guy, the virgin Mary and Ceaser when all of a sudden...