The Down Side of Keeping it Real

After several years without watching TV and coming back into the fold it seams that the nation has been gripped by an epidemic of reality television.


1.) The flattening of people. People are complex and multi-dimensional, but the so called reality doesn't have time for complexity of the human spirit only for Archetypes of people....the slut, the jock, the queer, the angry black person, the sensitive guy, the sheltered virgin etc. And yes as a counter argument it is true that written TV does have archetypes but I see the difference being in what people in real life try to emulate. Most people don't sit around emulate the archetype from something about Raymond because we know it is fictitious although we may still recognize certain attributes about the person. It is entirely true that this beef that I have is nothing more than a perception problem. That it just seems like people are becoming more one dimensional because I am noticing something that has always been there. But how would you get on a reality television show if you were not one of the archetypes....do you conform then to the archetype? It seems like I meet fewer and fewer people these days who surprise me with any depth to them at all.



2.) The diminishment of hope - there is no vision of the future. the only thing that is described or depicted is endless back stabbing for some competitive prize...now I am not an idealist I know that's what life is, but shouldn't we still have the visionaries painting a picture of what the world could be? Does anyone have any idea how much research was kicked off because of Star Trek? James Bond? Visionaries who gave us something to aspire too something to get excited about a new way to look at the world. Now we seem to jest passively waste time watching the new alliance on Survivor.


3.) The ruin of creativity - It is cheap for the networks to do reality. Turn on the camera, don't pay any actors, let people run around and repackage it as a brand. I am worried about our imagination. About our ability to dream and see the world not is it really is but as it could be. I worry that we will become a stagnate place to live where one day we will all be happy watching live feeds of traffic cams and be ranked #200 in every quality of life category in the world.....and folks we are not far off...


Its just kind of depressing....anyone want to buy my TV?

Random

I am now on my fifth Halloween costume and it is the dumbest yet. I started out as speed racer(costume I ordered didn't fit), switched to Jesus(beard gets in the way of drinking)switched to a mailman (decided I don't look good in blue slacks or short shorts)switched to pirate and then puked when I saw how many other people were pirates and now I am a pilot. I tried my pilot outfit last night and was boo'ed apparently people thought my pilot outfit resembled a Nazi ss officer....so fuck now what?

I have been sick for like 7 days and I am sick of being sick....I wish this cold would either kill me or move along. The worst part is I can only sleep like two hours at a time then my throat fills with all this mucus and I can't breathe and have to go and cough and blow it out. So not only am I sick I am deliriously tired:(


I am almost 30 years old and having large groups of people over to my house still makes me nervous. Yesterday I found myself carting all of my valuables over to my moms to store for the weekend. Maybe I am jaded after getting looted every time I had an open house or something. I think I am especially nervous because this is the first time I am having a party with all 4 of my social circles together. My friends that I grew up with will be there, my co-workers, my friends from later that I have met at college and a new circle that I have been adopted into via the beautiful woman I am dating. Add to that this party is also being co-hosted by my good friend and her circles who I don't know will be there too all makes for an interesting mix but at the same time I am really excited. I guess you just have to let go at a point and have trust that everybody will be respectful and just get lit together:)

Time for the Robes....

Time for the Robes.....

sorry I been out of touch for a little bit here is a breakdown of what has been going on.

I have been getting ready to launch my first book of poetry called Gagging on the Wishes. It has been pretty exciting:)

My second book Bri-Polar is getting ready for galley and will coming out mid-2007

I dropped all of my classes for the semester as school was just too over whelming for everything that was going on.

Couldn't sell my house so I am staying put and looking for a roomate...If you know anyone keep me in mind.

Got rid of all of my funiture and bought all new funiture in a rituallistic cleansing of the past.

I got a TV and Cable!!! first time in like three years...and I am horrified at what is on....when did the whole world become reality television?

I have fallen deeply maddly and trully in love :)

And three other things I can't speak of......

Todays Google Searches

How fast do express elevators travel?

An express elevators travel 10 mph, 14 feet per second, 800 feet per minute, or as fast as a raindrop falls to earth. In fact, a snowflake falls at 3 mph, so in an express elevator during a snowstorm it would appear to be snowing up.(That is if the elevator was outside and made of glass)

Why is bird poop white?

Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird's cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.

Another Cut Poem

Here is another one that got pulled from the book.....I hope you all enjoy it...although I am starting to wonder how watered down this is going to get

My Evil Twin Sends His Sincerest Death Wish


Many a problem could be solved by simply,
Holding it under water,
Until the bubbles stopped coming up.
Feel the water rush in your mouth
Quench my thirst
Breath it in for daddy
Fill your exasperated lungs with liquid silence
Its safer for everyone.
Then non-sense fueled by your wind
Let it lie
Like a man trying to sleep with a woman
To notice the words of a whore
You only have to
Stop staring at her tits
Listen to the vibration
Trapped in a bubble
Floating to the surface
From the lips of the woman
Whose feet are nailed
To the bottom of a filling pool.

Fall and Love

I can tell it is fall by the breeze
The way the air feels on my skin
The way the smell of the earth changes
As it dries its way to sleep

The sun is out
My vision sharp in its light
I relax likes its illumination
And sparse warmth
Are some kind of narcotic

I feel peace today
My head is clear
I feel burdens shed
Like the leaves of these tree
Dancing their way to the ground

My hand remembers yours
I can still smell you on my sweater
(Sorry sweat shirt)
Your laugh echoes in my ears
And makes me smile
My eyes close
I imagine your arms around me
Remember the last time I looked in your eyes
So much love it moved me then
As it moves me now

Ass and Lips

Something is not right
Like that scatchy feeling
You get when you don't wipe
Good enough
You don't want others to know
It is bothering you
You don't want to get caught
Trying to wipe away the forming stain
So you let it sit
It bothers you
You try to disspare of it discretely
But someone sees you
They tell everyone
Suddenly you are a monster
When you should have just
Wiped the shit off better
In the beggining
Why care about the shits feelings
Take care of it
Why is the ass wiper the monster
And not the town crier?


Lesson I learned this week: Don't spare the shits feelings get rid of it in the begginging as soon as you know it doesn't feel right. Dont tell anyone shit. And distance yourself from the people who make pubic shit what should be private shit...Who gossips with you gossips of you, a lesson I need to heed as well.

To everybody who has protected my anonymity even when it would have be advantagous for you not too I love you more then I am capable of showing.

Without Borders

Everything you can imagine has a limit
Except this feeling of sorrow
A never-ending desert of quicksand
A well without a bottom
A fall without a conclusion
A story that never ends
A line that never moves
A curtain that never falls
An abyss of hopelessness
There are no borders to contain this sorrow
No end to the hurt I feel
No way to measure the count of tears
No divisible number to count,
The shards of a broken heart
The fractures of a shattered life.

Whats good for you?

I fight a constant battle in my head over what is good for me.

Meet the competing camps

1.) Live with what feels good
2.) Live with what feels right
3.) Live with what looks good
4.) Live with what looks right

Good and Right explained

For the use of this these terms I am going to explain them like this
Good = emotion, instinct following your heart and passion
Right = A use of a source of logic or philosophy to follow you mind as this case maybe I struggle with right because it is so subjective or I struggle with it because I am a morally flawed person or probably a combination of both.

Feels and Looks like Explained

Feels - is just that it is a feeling something I can’t explain. Like why does a hug feels different depending on who is giving it to you. You can logically have the same height and pressure in a hug from two different people, even strangers, but those hugs will feel different there might be this huge spark in one and not in the other that has nothing to do with the hug itself…..it is just a feeling you get from the hug

Looks – It is not the feeling but how it looks hugging someone. Are you in the know. Do they flatter you. Is everyone hating on you because you are hugging someone beautiful, someone famous?

I know this sounds weird but I noticed that I do this. There are people I hug differently in public then I do in private for a variety of reasons almost all of them superficial. It has to do with an incredibly complex interaction of the four camps above.

This weekend I had an incredibly trying ordeal and on the other side of that ordeal I received a hug. A hug that put this in perspective for me. It was a hug that I have never felt before. I felt unconditionally loved. I screwed up big and it would have been easy to say I told you so. But instead I found this set of arms that wrapped around me with a blanket of forgiveness. There were no strings attached. No conditions. I felt acceptance. Forgiveness. Redemption. Warmth. Joy. There was no anger, just a concern for my well being and life. I have never felt as safe and as free in my whole life as I did in that embrace.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder how can someone as fucked up as me have so many great people in their life.

Once again I am rambling and I don’t know where this is actually headed ….

I guess I have been spending too much time in the extremes of this four quadrants. What feels good and what looks good. It has come at a great expense and I am sorry. I am working on finding a balance. I hope everybody in the world can have a hug like I did this weekend.

Button Fly vs. Zipper

Really the only advantage I can concur with the button fly vs. the zipper is that it is almost impossible to button your penis, where as the probability is quite great that you will at least a few times in your life zip your penis. Which is quite a painful expereince.

At the bar the button fly is completely unacceptable I have to drop trousers at the urinal because I am pretty sure if I tried to undo the buttons I would pee my pants.

I do suppose that button fly is better for sex on the fly and anyone who has had zipper burn on there penis from whipping it out and carrying on real quick in a very public place can testifiy to that…

So I guess button fly isn’t that bad but since I am careful about not zipping my junk and I don’t have public sex I will stick to zipper fly…..that is all