Goals for 2007

1.) Don't kill myself

2.) Don't kill anybody else

3.) Quit being a lard ass and get to the gym

4.) Quit smoking

5.) Get out from under this financial nightmare that is my life

Not going to be an easy year but I hope for the sake of everybody who walks past a clock tower this year that I can do it.

Here is too a fresh start in 2007...Happy New Year

Tonight

Tonight Stop by Tailgate on 60th and Nicollett for Cocktails @ 10pm (Two for Ones)


Tonight Stop by Tailgate on 60th and Nicollett for Cocktails @ 10pm (Two for Ones)

Maybe there is hope....

The first appearance of wine and drunkenness appears in the bible in Genesis. Ironically this guy who likes to get drunk and pass out naked was the only person on earth god was willing to spare as the rest of the sober people were apparently hedonists... So don't take any chances this year drink and pass out naked with the ones you love:)





Noah Gets Drunk, Ham Sees His Father: Genesis 9:20-23
20 And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard: 21 And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.

22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. 23 And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.

Surviving your holiday DUI

A few helpful hints for all of us.....

Before you are asked to do a field soberity test they will ask you a few questions.

1.) Do you have any knee problems? - Your answer is always yes...You have shreaded your ACL's and it is hard for you to put a weight on them...this will make your balance tests easier.

2.) Have you taken anything else tonight? YES You are trying to quit smoking and have been chewing nicorette like crazy. Substitution gum can interfer with the results on the breathalyzer so this can give you wiggle in court on a borderline result

If you are going to get one

Don't be a dick head. Be nice. Be polite. If you can cry it might help. Remember if life was fair you would probably have had a 100 of them.

Get a lawyer, Apply for a temp licence right away, make sure you understand the reason they pulled you over and ask for a copy of the police video to be sent to your house....(Do this when you are leaving jail and have sobered up..Don't do it when you are in the back of the cop car they will put you in the worst cell with the other smart asses) If you have an opertunity to get off it is most likely in the reason they pulled you over.

But the best advise I can give you is too just take a cab....you can park overnight downtown for $4...it is a lot cheaper!!!

Couple Random Investigations....

1.)Why are all watches in advertisements set to 10:10? (After contacting Timex website I learned that it is because often the manufactures name is below the 12 and this allows it to be seen unobstructed. The second reason sited was that this way the hands look to be smiling and it is more visually appealing)


2.)Why are soft pack cigarettes longer then their hard pack counterparts? I noticed this when SA ran out of hard pack and I had to buy soft pack. I tried to put the soft pack cigarettes into the hard pack and they were a tighter fit. (After contacting parliament to ask about this, I was assured that there was the same amount of tobacco in each cigarette, but that the packaging difference causes the tobacco in the hard pack to be condensed making them a little shorter. To be certain of this I bought both kinds and cut one of each cigarette open and weighed them and it was correct the tobacco in each weighed the same even though the soft pack cigarette was a little longer)

Carry on....

Raptured

Children. Apparently during the rapture are all sent up to heaven to be with god, apparently because of their innocence. This poses several problems for me.

1.) It violates the fundamental tenement of Christianity stating that only those people who believe and accept Jesus are going to be saved. Children obviously don't have the capacity to make such a decision...so does the inability to have the capacity to make a decision to accept Christ negate damnation? What equals this incapacity? Does never hearing of Jesus equal the incapacity of making that decision? Does being human? Is admitting our incapacity enough? Is agnosticism really the pathway to heaven?

2.) Children are really not that nice (Read innocent). As soon as they know a dirty word i.e poop they do not seem to hesitate to call another child a "poopie head" even though they know it is wrong. Children are mean....ever remember being teased as a child? I have blocked most of it but I remember enough to know that children are not that innocent. They break stuff on purpose, throw mud pies, tease people who are different then them, they are selfish and whiny little shits....far from the idealization we hold of them.

So I hope that I am right and there is no god because I think hell might be filled with little kids.

If not the alternative is scary. An old man with a beard who makes adults jump through hoops to get into his house and even then only admits a few, but lets everybody's kids in no matter what.....We keep an eye on people like that in my neighborhood....

Pursuit of Happyness

Went and saw this movie this weekend and well didn't really like it. I have a hard time offering kudos and feeling inspired by something that I think everybody would do. Do you want a cookie for facing adversity and getting off the street with your child? Granted he took it further then most people in life by starting his own brokerage firm etc. but then he had more natrual ability then most. (Most people can't sit down and solve a rubic's cube the first time that they pick it up.) So I tried to gleam something from it that would vindicate spending $9 to see this and this is what I learned....Don't spend your life savings starting a business selling bone density machines. This movie was nothing more then a lame attempt at feel good targeted now into the market because of the slowing market. If you are looking for a few hours of entertainment I would recommend buying a dime bag of weed or bottle of smirnoff instead of seeing this movie. If you are looking for motivation watch Rudy.. If you are looking to change your station in life and can't solve a rubics cube I would look into going back to school.

Simple Pleasures #4561, 4562, 4563 & 4564

Being outside on December 14th in Minnesota without needing a coat:)

Cherry coke in the morning, the bubbles, the taste, a little piece of all that is good in a glass.

The oderless clarity of good vodka that has been in your freezer for a few days, so cold you don't need a mixer. On the rocks in a lowball garinshed with a mini pickle and enjoyed after a hard days work.

A random phone call out of the blue from a good friend who was just thinking about you. (Could also substitute random email or text)

Plus a couple of quotes from Emily Bronte

"Sleep Not, Dream Not; this bright day
Will not, cannont last for aye;
Bliss like thine is broght by years;
Dark with torment and with tears."

"I've dreampt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after,
and changed my ideas: they've gone through and through me,
Like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind."

Baffled...

Guess it is that time year...Anyone watching the news? Sad state when so many people are losing their lives over something, that in the grand view of the world, is as silly as going to war because one group of people who believe in the toothfairy thinks that money should be left under the pillow and another group of people think that the toothfairy should leave the money on the night stand......missing the point that there is no toothfairy....


"We would be 1,500 years ahead if it hadn't been for the church dragging science back by its coattails and burning our best minds at the stake." - Catherine Fahringer

"If we are going to teach 'creation science' as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction." - Judith Hayes

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish." - Author Unknown

"I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other gods you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Stephen F. Roberts

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." - Seneca the Younger

"There once was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time was called the Dark Ages." - Richard Lederer

"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."

"Why be born again, when you can just grow up?"

Say it would have worked.....

Say we captured Osama. Say we ended the war on terror and Iraq was free say it worked...Would it be worth it? All the civil liberties that we gave up? All the money we spent? Civilians killed? Americas Reputation in the world?

I wonder if it would have worked...would we be ok with living in a society that is only free on the surface....just an illusion of democracy...

Are we still dreaming are we still ok with it even though it is not working?

Simple Pleasure #2587

Quality Toilet Paper

I have been saving money lately by buying cheap toilet paper, you know the paper thin kind that you have to use a whole roll to do a good job with. Not the hard stuff like at work but still rather unpleasant. Today I scored some good rolls and it was a great feeling to have all of that cushion available for my use. When I stuck my dismount it felt like a perfect ten.

A noise reasonable people make...

Just read Sam Harris's Letter to a Christian Nation today and I wish there was a way I could get this book into everyone in America's hands. Check it out at only a hundred pages it is a really quick read and it could save the world.

"Atheism is a term that should not even exist. No one needs to identify themself as a non-astrologer or a non-alchemist. We do not have words for people who doubt Elvis is still alive or that aliens have transversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and their cattle. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs."

Pet Peeve Number #6714

People who take the elevator one floor.

Now I can understand if you are old, injured, in a wheel chair, carrying a lot of stuff etc.
But if you are none of the above take your lazy ass to the stair case and walk up that flight.

Rest of my political docet....

Besides education here is some other stuff I would do....


2.) Increase Public Transportation and infrastructure

3.) City Wide Wi-Fi

4.) Allow Gay Marriage

5.) Collapse 1st Ring Suburbs into Minneapolis eliminating duplicate governments and services

6.) Get the fuck out of Iraq - We need to give that country time to raise another Warlord strong enough to hold it together

7.) Remove the interest tax credit on Home Mortgages

8.) Tax Plan - Increase gas, cigarette, new licence fees for smoking establishments

9.) Decriminalize personal drug use tax the sale of marijuana

10.) Assisted Suicide bonus for early departure

Tagged

From Say Rah!

This is the mix I am listening to at work today...

John Legend - Number 1 (Remix w K. West)
John Legend - Save Room
Eddie Spaghetti - I don't want to grow up
Regina Spektor - Fidelity
Regina Spektor - Samson
Regina Spektor - On the Radio (This Regina Spektor Albumn is one of the best albums I have gotten in a long time)
Medeski, Martin & Wood - End of the World Party
Nina Simone - Sinnerman (Techno Remix)
Amos Lee - In my Arms
Snow Patrol - It's Beginning To Get To Me
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

I just love this....

A Bill Maher Monolog I just love...


And finally, New Rule: America must stop bragging that it’s the greatest country on earth and start acting like it. [applause] [cheers] Now, I know – I know this is uncomfortable for the faith-over-facts crowd, but the greatness of a country can, to a large degree, be measured. Here are some numbers: Infant mortality rate, America ranks 48th in the world; overall health, 72nd; freedom of the press, 44; literacy, 55th. Do you realize there are 12-year-old kids in this country who can’t spell the name of the teacher they’re having sex with? [laughter] [applause]

Now, America, I will admit, has done many great things: making the New World democratic comes to mind, the Marshall Plan, curing polio, beating Hitler, the deep-fried Twinkie. [laughter] But what have we done for us lately? We’re not the freest country. That would be Holland, where you can smoke hash in church, and Janet Jackson’s nipple is on their flag. [laughter] [applause]

And, sadly, we’re no longer a country that can get things done, either. Not big things, like building a tunnel under Boston or running a war with competence. We had six years to fix the voting machines. Couldn’t get that done. The FBI is just now getting email!

Prop 87 out here in California is about lessening our dependence on oil by using alternative fuels, and Bill Clinton comes on at the end of the ad and says, “If Brazil can do it, America can, too.” [laughter] [applause] Excuse me, since when did America have to buck itself up by saying we could catch up to Brazil?! [laughter] We invented the airplane and the lightbulb. They invented the bikini wax, and now they’re ahead?! [laughter] [applause]

In most of the industrialized world, nearly everyone has health care. And hardly anyone doubts evolution. And, yes, having to live amid so many superstitious dimwits is also something that affects quality of life. It’s why America isn’t going to be the country that gets the inevitable patents in stem cell cures, because Jesus thinks it’s too close to cloning!

Oh, and did I mention we owe China a trillion dollars? We owe everybody money. We are a debtor nation to MEXCICO! We’re not on a bridge to the 21st century. We’re on a bus to Atlantic City with a roll of quarters. [laughter] [applause] [cheers]

WHITMAN: Take those – bring those quarters to Atlantic City, yes.

MAHER: And this is why it bugs me that so many people talk like it’s 1955 and we’re still number one in everything. We’re not. And I take no glee in saying this, because I love my country, and I wish we were. But when you’re number 55 in this category and number 92 in that one, you look a little silly waving the big foam “Number One” finger. [laughter]

As long as we believe being the greatest country in the world is a birthright, we’ll keep coasting on the achievements of earlier generations and we’ll keep losing the moral high ground. Because we may not be the biggest or the healthiest or the best educated. But we always did have one thing no other place did. We knew soccer was bullshit. [laughter] [applause] [cheers]

And…and we also had a little thing called the Bill of Rights. A great nation doesn’t torture people or make them disappear without a trial. Bush keeps saying the terrorists hate us for our freedom. And he’s working damn hard to see that pretty soon that won’t be a problem. [applause]

Designing the World for Tomorrow Part 1 of 10

The world of tomorrow begins with education today



This is the corner stone of the future and unfortunately politicians ignore this because its results take more then 4 years to become apparent. Education is the input into our entire economy. The better educated your population the better off your society is. It is a rainfall effect of job creation, better healthcare choices, spending habits, saving habits etc. Every person in Minnesota should be able to afford to go to school. Now that my rant is out of the way here is what I would do....

1.) State ownership in results in exchange for increased funding. WTF does that mean? Here are some examples we increase funding for medical research, genetics, bio-medicine etc at our universities. In exchange for an increase in spending the state would own a portion of the proprietary medicine or research that would be developed. This has two affects more spending = better research families to attract talent and create results. The state who now owns some of the rights to the medicine and research could generate revenue or pass along discounted medicine or healthcare to its inhabitants.
This could also work with other patents as well. I think a class that should be mandatory in every business program is how to get a patent and patent law. In exchange for facilitating the process through education in public schools and universities the state would be in a three way partnership with the university and the student where everyone would benefit from the creation of new ideas and products.

2.) Everyone needs two majors. One hard science and one liberal arts. Latin is cool and you have the right to study it but

3.) State sponsored prizes for Robot Wars, Science Fairs, Writing contests, Aviation Ext. We need to place the carrot further into the future to spur growth, creativity, drive etc.. before we become a nation of people selling big macs to people who sell whoppers.

4.) Standardized tests are bullshit the only thing they teach people is how to memorize things we need to find new ways to evaluate the quality of education that our children are receiving.

5.) I can't believe I can still walk into a school and every kid is not typing on a laptop...we have got to fix that. (Although I admit that it has its place there is a problem of forcing thought into a computer program but that is another blog I am working on)

6.) First Two Years is on us in exchange for 6 months of community service.(Double effect of allowing low level city jobs to be eliminated along with some of there cost and giving young people the benefit of some real world experience before going into college)

Well this is some of the stuff that I would do if I ruled the world.

Lights Out

The one part of the holiday season I always look forward too made me a little sick last night. One of my favorite things to do in the winter is to walk through the streets in the snow and look at peoples displays of Christmas lights. I don't know why I like to do this, I just do, I think it is pretty. I know it sounds kind of stupid especially for an agnostic person who doesn't like religion at all but who are we kidding Christmas hasn't been about religion in a long time, but I digress.
I came home last night and went for a little walk and one of my neighbors who always puts on a good light display was out in his yard putting up lights. (A little too early I know but it takes him a while so I forgive him) I noticed this year he was putting up some different things that he has not used in the past specifically a manger scene and a four foot tall cross with white lights. I had to stop and ask him about it and I wish that would not have. He said he had to do something extra this year to let everyone know Christian values are still dominate in this community. (For those of you who don't know my district elected the first Muslim to congress last Tuesday) I just kind of gave him a half smile and continued on my walk. When I came back towards my house it was dark and the parts that he had finished were lit up and I stopped in front of his house and looked at the lights for a bit. Instead of feeling light and peaceful I felt sick to my stomach and embarrassed. I felt like I was looking at a neon version of a burning cross left by the KKK. The scene of a hate crime disguised as holiday cheer. I started to wonder if this is how all of the people who don't celebrate Christmas felt and suddenly something that I have always enjoyed made me a little sad and a little ashamed....

VOTE.... PLEASE

Tomorrow is your chance to make a difference in the direction our country is going. I beg you please find time to vote, in all seriousness the future depends on us.

Please Vote YES for the Transportation Budget Package. It is necessary for our states future growth and infrastructure.

Vote for the future. Hatch, Klobuchar, Ellison if you are in the fifth.....The future is being stolen out from under us and tomorrow we can push back. Please Vote

The prospect of my beloved state turning into a bible thumping backwoods, culture of fear, racist Jesus land has me sick to my stomach. If you want to live life like it used to be go and get a job doing recreations at Fort Snelling or Murphy's Landing and leave the future to those of us willing to do the work to make sure we can be a beacon of light for the future.

Minnesota is better then this. We have room for everybody. We value education. We value research for the future. We have courts and laws that value a blend of logic and compassion for all of the people who live here. That's why we don't have the death penalty. We are leaders and pioneers.....or at least we used to be...

Tomorrow will you be a leader and a pioneer? Will you go to the polls and do the right thing?

If you don't have a way to get to the polls please call me i am off work @ 4:00 on Tuesday and will be happy to drive you.

The Burning Man

A curious tradition ended last night with a new vision of the future. For the last 6 halloweens a group of men have gathered in black robes across minnesota and held a burning man ceremony. What is a burning man ceremony? It is kind of like confession for pagans. It comes from the tradition that the dead come back to walk the earth and you can make peace with them. Of course we have modified it slightly to include drinking and partying. Everything you have done in the past year good or bad is collected and thrown into a fire pit where it is burned and you are forgiven and freed from it. You burn all of your awards and all of your failures and are to start again new. Traditionally I delete my entire blog and start over, but not this year. I didn't need a burning man ceromony to start over this year. This really was an entire year of starting my life over from scratch.

This year I started my personal life over again from scatch, single, re-connecting with long lost friends.
This year I started over from financail security to bankrupcy, I reset my lovely credit score to something laughable...seriously the bank laughs at me and it will be another 4 years before i can even open another credit card
This year I bought all new furniture every piece
This year I bombed out of school and had to reassess what I want to continue doing in both school and work
This year and especially as of late I have been confronted my own mortality and am having to reaccess my life stlye and future
This year I made the first real mistake of my life that a burning man ceromony can't help me with. A mistake that threatens the start over and that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Last night I followed my heart and I woke up happy exactly where I wanted to be, it was how my life should have felt all along.

I didn't burn or erase anything last night. Maybe I make the sme mistakes over and over again because I forget. Because the journals of my torment are not there to remind me to make better decisions.

The Down Side of Keeping it Real

After several years without watching TV and coming back into the fold it seams that the nation has been gripped by an epidemic of reality television.


1.) The flattening of people. People are complex and multi-dimensional, but the so called reality doesn't have time for complexity of the human spirit only for Archetypes of people....the slut, the jock, the queer, the angry black person, the sensitive guy, the sheltered virgin etc. And yes as a counter argument it is true that written TV does have archetypes but I see the difference being in what people in real life try to emulate. Most people don't sit around emulate the archetype from something about Raymond because we know it is fictitious although we may still recognize certain attributes about the person. It is entirely true that this beef that I have is nothing more than a perception problem. That it just seems like people are becoming more one dimensional because I am noticing something that has always been there. But how would you get on a reality television show if you were not one of the archetypes....do you conform then to the archetype? It seems like I meet fewer and fewer people these days who surprise me with any depth to them at all.



2.) The diminishment of hope - there is no vision of the future. the only thing that is described or depicted is endless back stabbing for some competitive prize...now I am not an idealist I know that's what life is, but shouldn't we still have the visionaries painting a picture of what the world could be? Does anyone have any idea how much research was kicked off because of Star Trek? James Bond? Visionaries who gave us something to aspire too something to get excited about a new way to look at the world. Now we seem to jest passively waste time watching the new alliance on Survivor.


3.) The ruin of creativity - It is cheap for the networks to do reality. Turn on the camera, don't pay any actors, let people run around and repackage it as a brand. I am worried about our imagination. About our ability to dream and see the world not is it really is but as it could be. I worry that we will become a stagnate place to live where one day we will all be happy watching live feeds of traffic cams and be ranked #200 in every quality of life category in the world.....and folks we are not far off...


Its just kind of depressing....anyone want to buy my TV?

Random

I am now on my fifth Halloween costume and it is the dumbest yet. I started out as speed racer(costume I ordered didn't fit), switched to Jesus(beard gets in the way of drinking)switched to a mailman (decided I don't look good in blue slacks or short shorts)switched to pirate and then puked when I saw how many other people were pirates and now I am a pilot. I tried my pilot outfit last night and was boo'ed apparently people thought my pilot outfit resembled a Nazi ss officer....so fuck now what?

I have been sick for like 7 days and I am sick of being sick....I wish this cold would either kill me or move along. The worst part is I can only sleep like two hours at a time then my throat fills with all this mucus and I can't breathe and have to go and cough and blow it out. So not only am I sick I am deliriously tired:(


I am almost 30 years old and having large groups of people over to my house still makes me nervous. Yesterday I found myself carting all of my valuables over to my moms to store for the weekend. Maybe I am jaded after getting looted every time I had an open house or something. I think I am especially nervous because this is the first time I am having a party with all 4 of my social circles together. My friends that I grew up with will be there, my co-workers, my friends from later that I have met at college and a new circle that I have been adopted into via the beautiful woman I am dating. Add to that this party is also being co-hosted by my good friend and her circles who I don't know will be there too all makes for an interesting mix but at the same time I am really excited. I guess you just have to let go at a point and have trust that everybody will be respectful and just get lit together:)

Time for the Robes....

Time for the Robes.....

sorry I been out of touch for a little bit here is a breakdown of what has been going on.

I have been getting ready to launch my first book of poetry called Gagging on the Wishes. It has been pretty exciting:)

My second book Bri-Polar is getting ready for galley and will coming out mid-2007

I dropped all of my classes for the semester as school was just too over whelming for everything that was going on.

Couldn't sell my house so I am staying put and looking for a roomate...If you know anyone keep me in mind.

Got rid of all of my funiture and bought all new funiture in a rituallistic cleansing of the past.

I got a TV and Cable!!! first time in like three years...and I am horrified at what is on....when did the whole world become reality television?

I have fallen deeply maddly and trully in love :)

And three other things I can't speak of......

Todays Google Searches

How fast do express elevators travel?

An express elevators travel 10 mph, 14 feet per second, 800 feet per minute, or as fast as a raindrop falls to earth. In fact, a snowflake falls at 3 mph, so in an express elevator during a snowstorm it would appear to be snowing up.(That is if the elevator was outside and made of glass)

Why is bird poop white?

Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird's cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.

Another Cut Poem

Here is another one that got pulled from the book.....I hope you all enjoy it...although I am starting to wonder how watered down this is going to get

My Evil Twin Sends His Sincerest Death Wish


Many a problem could be solved by simply,
Holding it under water,
Until the bubbles stopped coming up.
Feel the water rush in your mouth
Quench my thirst
Breath it in for daddy
Fill your exasperated lungs with liquid silence
Its safer for everyone.
Then non-sense fueled by your wind
Let it lie
Like a man trying to sleep with a woman
To notice the words of a whore
You only have to
Stop staring at her tits
Listen to the vibration
Trapped in a bubble
Floating to the surface
From the lips of the woman
Whose feet are nailed
To the bottom of a filling pool.

Fall and Love

I can tell it is fall by the breeze
The way the air feels on my skin
The way the smell of the earth changes
As it dries its way to sleep

The sun is out
My vision sharp in its light
I relax likes its illumination
And sparse warmth
Are some kind of narcotic

I feel peace today
My head is clear
I feel burdens shed
Like the leaves of these tree
Dancing their way to the ground

My hand remembers yours
I can still smell you on my sweater
(Sorry sweat shirt)
Your laugh echoes in my ears
And makes me smile
My eyes close
I imagine your arms around me
Remember the last time I looked in your eyes
So much love it moved me then
As it moves me now

Ass and Lips

Something is not right
Like that scatchy feeling
You get when you don't wipe
Good enough
You don't want others to know
It is bothering you
You don't want to get caught
Trying to wipe away the forming stain
So you let it sit
It bothers you
You try to disspare of it discretely
But someone sees you
They tell everyone
Suddenly you are a monster
When you should have just
Wiped the shit off better
In the beggining
Why care about the shits feelings
Take care of it
Why is the ass wiper the monster
And not the town crier?


Lesson I learned this week: Don't spare the shits feelings get rid of it in the begginging as soon as you know it doesn't feel right. Dont tell anyone shit. And distance yourself from the people who make pubic shit what should be private shit...Who gossips with you gossips of you, a lesson I need to heed as well.

To everybody who has protected my anonymity even when it would have be advantagous for you not too I love you more then I am capable of showing.

Without Borders

Everything you can imagine has a limit
Except this feeling of sorrow
A never-ending desert of quicksand
A well without a bottom
A fall without a conclusion
A story that never ends
A line that never moves
A curtain that never falls
An abyss of hopelessness
There are no borders to contain this sorrow
No end to the hurt I feel
No way to measure the count of tears
No divisible number to count,
The shards of a broken heart
The fractures of a shattered life.

Whats good for you?

I fight a constant battle in my head over what is good for me.

Meet the competing camps

1.) Live with what feels good
2.) Live with what feels right
3.) Live with what looks good
4.) Live with what looks right

Good and Right explained

For the use of this these terms I am going to explain them like this
Good = emotion, instinct following your heart and passion
Right = A use of a source of logic or philosophy to follow you mind as this case maybe I struggle with right because it is so subjective or I struggle with it because I am a morally flawed person or probably a combination of both.

Feels and Looks like Explained

Feels - is just that it is a feeling something I can’t explain. Like why does a hug feels different depending on who is giving it to you. You can logically have the same height and pressure in a hug from two different people, even strangers, but those hugs will feel different there might be this huge spark in one and not in the other that has nothing to do with the hug itself…..it is just a feeling you get from the hug

Looks – It is not the feeling but how it looks hugging someone. Are you in the know. Do they flatter you. Is everyone hating on you because you are hugging someone beautiful, someone famous?

I know this sounds weird but I noticed that I do this. There are people I hug differently in public then I do in private for a variety of reasons almost all of them superficial. It has to do with an incredibly complex interaction of the four camps above.

This weekend I had an incredibly trying ordeal and on the other side of that ordeal I received a hug. A hug that put this in perspective for me. It was a hug that I have never felt before. I felt unconditionally loved. I screwed up big and it would have been easy to say I told you so. But instead I found this set of arms that wrapped around me with a blanket of forgiveness. There were no strings attached. No conditions. I felt acceptance. Forgiveness. Redemption. Warmth. Joy. There was no anger, just a concern for my well being and life. I have never felt as safe and as free in my whole life as I did in that embrace.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder how can someone as fucked up as me have so many great people in their life.

Once again I am rambling and I don’t know where this is actually headed ….

I guess I have been spending too much time in the extremes of this four quadrants. What feels good and what looks good. It has come at a great expense and I am sorry. I am working on finding a balance. I hope everybody in the world can have a hug like I did this weekend.

Button Fly vs. Zipper

Really the only advantage I can concur with the button fly vs. the zipper is that it is almost impossible to button your penis, where as the probability is quite great that you will at least a few times in your life zip your penis. Which is quite a painful expereince.

At the bar the button fly is completely unacceptable I have to drop trousers at the urinal because I am pretty sure if I tried to undo the buttons I would pee my pants.

I do suppose that button fly is better for sex on the fly and anyone who has had zipper burn on there penis from whipping it out and carrying on real quick in a very public place can testifiy to that…

So I guess button fly isn’t that bad but since I am careful about not zipping my junk and I don’t have public sex I will stick to zipper fly…..that is all

Bulletin Board

I drive by a church bulletin board that has a new saying on it every week. And I won’t kid you for as big as an agnostic as I am I find some of the sayings it has posted inspirational. However there is a quote right out of the scripture this week that is really bugging me…..

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

This doesn’t make sense to me at all. Maybe I am missing something that someone can explain to me. If we flip around the words it becomes obvious how ludicrous this is.

God gives food to those who go to the grocery store

God gives water to those who go to the lake

What did god really do here again? Seems to be giving him a boat load of credit for something that you did.

Army of Darkness.....Almost

Ok so…I was sitting around reading for class yesterday and I got the call, “dude I am still out of town can you let my dogs out”. I thought sure because I needed a break and they are good dogs. So we went to the dog park and played and I went to put them back at their owners house. I was petting them good by when I noticed little bugs on them which I think were ticks about this same time a bee strolled by on its way to a hive under the awning and I got a sweet idea. I put the ticks in jar and went home and got some more jars I then put the four tics in four separate jars and then caught bees and put the bees in the jars with the tics.

My thought was this I was going to mate the bees and the tics to create an army of bugs that would sting you and suck your blood and then invent little bands that I could slip on them to control their minds..To be fair I am now drinking heavily at this point. Now as I watch the bees and the tics I started to get excited because one of the bees appeared to be “interacting” with the tic but on closer inspection I think he was just stinging the tic to death. Needless to say this endeavor failed for a few reasons

1.)I am not really sure they were tics now that I have seen a picture of a tic
2.)I don’t know how to tell the sex of bees and tics
3.)Just like people you can’t just put two beings in a room with a little Marvin Gaye on in the back ground and expect things to happen (On a side note I did pour small amounts of alcohol into the jars and turn some music on to get the bees and the tics in the mood)
4.)I need to make tics bigger first so that they will not be scared of the bees.

So in closing I was unable to create my army of darkness, I got a little drunk and most of my school work is unfinished.

PS. Bees get really pissed when you put them in a jar with booze and shake it

PSS. Entourage was not very good last night

Conversion

A 750 ml bottle of Vodka @ 40% Alcohol by Volume is = to 17 beers. I know this because someone helped me figure it out today. In a 12 once can on beer there is 5% alcohol by volume or 18ml of alcohol. 18*17 =306 or close enough to the 300 ml of alcohol in a bottle of vodka. Just though you all would like to know that. I know I have been wondering about it myself.

Commercial Interruption

It always bothers me when radio stations say hour commercial free brought to you by "insert call numbers here" Isn't a plug for a radio station still a commercial? Then I started to think about radio in general and even a song "single" is a commercial for an artist so radio is one big fucking non-stop commercial wave that penetrates the frequency of the space in-between everything.

This has been brought to you by Brian Johnson

I'm Out

I will be laying low for a little bit *wallet, liver and rest of body rises for a standing ovation* With school starting and a pretty hectic schedulue I will not be out as much after this weekend. i really don't know how i am going to do this semester but I will find a way. School and work five times a week is going to be crazy but I will still be at the Gate for 2 for 1's on fridays although since class is @ 8am on sat. Most liklley I won't be closing it down any more...lol If you want to get on my schedule send me an email and we can get up for lunch and I will be out on the town every odd sat. night hopefully with a beautiful woman by my side;)

Take care everybody....Thanks to everybody who made this summer what it was:) This will go down in the record book as the greatest time in my life for so many reasons:)

Weight Watcher

A shot = 2 oz, 16oz = 1 pound or 8 shots per pound, now if I am 210lbs to drink my weight in booze I would need to consume 1,680 shots. Average night out between 4-6 shots so you would think that it would take be 420 days to consume my weight in alcohol, but I don't do just shots when I am out I also do vodka tonics which is a 3 oz pour of vodka and I average 6 for 18 oz or a little over a pound since this is what I consume when I am with Lynn, Pat, Chad or Anna and we do it every Friday night during the summer and I do it when I am out with Anna to we will assume that it has been done 22 times this summer so at this rate it would take me 52 nights out to drink my weight in alcohol. Now I just took my recycling out for the 1st time since May and its contents contained 32 bottles of wine, 6 bottles of vodka and two bottles of tequila if we assume all bottles are 750ml and that translates to about 25oz per bottle for a total of rough total of 62lbs so if I factor in what I drink at home and spread it out it takes me 31 days to drink my weight in booze.....this does not include the martinis, bloody's, glasses of wine or beers that are added into this mix but I will let them slide and chalk them up to rounding.....

Now the flip side of this equation is what this binge cost but I will keep that to myself.....lol

Open Doors

Picture this....there is a long hallway.
At either end of the hallway is a set of two doors.
Each door can be opened manually by some one pulling or pushing
Or they can hit the handicap button and one door will open
I have been eating my lunch watching these doors
I have noticed an interesting phenomonnon
People will always go through the door that is open
Even if it is on the opposite side of the hall they are walking on
Even if they have to get in someone elses way to walk through it
To the point where people will jam up the door way rather then open the other door

This got me to thinking....Do we always take the path of least resistance?
Go for the known? Rather then the unknown?
I mean the other door could be locked?
There has to be a reason that everybody is using the open one.

When I finished my lunch I walked down that hall way past the crowd
And i opened the closed door and walked in and people followed me in
It was kind of cool and empowering so I decided for the rest of the day
I would do everything the opposite of the path of least resistance.

Here is some of the stuff that I did and I tell you I feel inspired.
Like my preordanined life was interuppted
Like today was brand new....now i can't stop thinking of what else i can do differently

1.) When i got into my car at the end of the day I climbed in through the trunk and climbed out through the trunk when I got home.

2.) I took the stairs

3.) I walked to the store to get groceries

4.) I called a few people and had some rather difficult conversations that I could have avoided

5.) I switched my hand that my watch is on

6.) This is going to sound sad but I didn't have a drink

7.) I folded and put away all of my clothes

8.) I wrote a plan of 10 things I need to do to make my life better this week and be a better person

9.) I am going to bed early

This has been a message from Brian who is on a new path...or at least a different side of the hall

My Perfect Day

I have to preface this with this is my perfect day at this point in my life...


My perfect day....

Wake up
Make Love
Go for a walk around the lake
Eat Breakfast @ the hot plate, zumbros or turtles
Enjoy a coffee
Work for 3 hours
Eat lunch (I am not so picky on where I eat lunch)
Read a book In a comfortable chair in a pleasing location (varies depending on the season)
Write a little
Take a nap and make love in the late afternoon
Take a long hot shower
Go to dinner..
Dance a little or see a show
Sit in a circle of friends and do shots and talk for hours about nothing
Make love
Sleep

Happiness is a 12 Block Dash to the Car

The rain sounds different downtown
Striking fields of concrete and glass
Uneven metal surfaces
Cascading down man made mountains
Filling in the lowest points
A symphony of water
A concert of natural and synthetic
An endless echo of static
Sound fills all of the space
I close my eyes
I can hear every drop crash
Washing away a tangible grime

It is pouring when we step outside
I feel electric tonight
The bass from the club still vibrating in my body
Just the right amount of liquor
Dancing in my veins
My jaw hurts from laughing
We step out from the over hang
And are instantly soaked
We are running down the street
Just laughing
Like when you were five and you jumped in puddles for fun
Carefree
Get wet
Splashing
Feel the rain stream down on your skin
She is soaked
I have never seen anything so beautiful
We pull each other into an over hang
Her lips find mine
Wet clothes cling to the body of a goddess
My arms wrap around her
Kissing and smiling at the same time
I feel her body pressed against mine
It feels like it was made just for me
I can smell the rain on her skin
I taste the rain on her shoulder
Happiness floods me
like the river formerly known as Hennepin ave
Maybe it is all just a dream
If it is please don't wake me

It's Not My Fault I Didn't Know

Consequences

Just an interesting thought on the nature of consequence. Was talking with my friends 7 year old son about stealing and asked him wasn’t he afraid to go to prison? And he said he didn’t know because he had never been there before. For some reason I found this very profound and came to the realization that you can not grasp the consequence of an action until after you have experienced the consequence. That being said a consequence is not really a deterrent for any given action since you don’t understand the consequence until after it has come to fruition. Which lead me to believe that I don’t fear the consequence itself but rather the unknown of an event. I can imagine what prison is like or what it is like to have a child or cancer but until the consequence of the event really happens I have nothing to be remorseful of the action that caused it, since I don’t understand the weight of a decision until after the fact…..does this make sense?

A consequence doesn’t exist unless you have all ready realized it....then it is too late.

Watch Your Step

I step out of nowhere and every where.
Wishing my body was riddled in scars
Deep lacerations
Whipping marks across my back
A missing eye with an unhealed grove that stretches,
Vertically down my face
The imprint of an axe long ago notched in my skull
I wish that my body looked like my inside
So people could see the wounds, the hurt
Just beneath a button up shirt
The lessons learned that still crack open and bleed from time to time

I escape into a dream
Running I jump
Staying in the air a few seconds longer than I should
I jump a again and stay in the air even longer
My third jump catches
I am weightless in the air
Peal my hands from this rides safety bar
Eyes close; release and excitement flood a tired body
I remember being little and riding my bike
I hit a rock and my handle bars turned and I was thrown forward
There was this second when I let go
When there was nothing I could do
No control
I was going to fall
There was freedom in that second
There is freedom in a lovers arms
Freedom in controlling your density
Freedom in fighting on
Freedom in surrender
There is freedom in this dream of reality I step into
But I have lived enough days
That I know Freedom is a dichotomy
That this dream is a paradox
That most people won’t understand this
I step out of nowhere and every where.

What is love?

It is hard for me to say that love does not exist. Even though I explain away my impulses as nothing more than my biological need to spread my seed my selfish gene constantly trying to win at the game theory that it is solving. I know that attraction exists to further the species that the spark that I feel when two eyes connect across a room is nothing more then a biological response to the environment. A wave of electrons working in unison, but that doesn’t have to mean that it doesn’t feel good right? The truth is although school has given me some analytical tools to explain what is happening it hasn’t diminished my desire for the feeling. I want to believe in love. A euphoric crossroads of pleasure, trust, safety, commitment, evolution and nurturing. The feeling of waking up next to somebody a million times and never tiring of the little puddle of drool on their pillow that only you get to see. Someone who makes the routine dance of your life special. The feeling of running a race that is so long and you are so tired you have tears streaming down your face. There is no energy left in you, the cheering crowd is gone, despair has filled your heart as you see an ominous hill on the horizon. You just want to stop the pain and shut it out, your will is faltering, then that hand touches yours and she whispers into your ear, “you can do it.”

Tailgate

Top Ten Reasons I go to Tailgate

1.) Two for Ones sucker 4-6 and 10-12

2.) Onion rings at midnight are so fricking good...the food is actually good...for a bar

3.) I can walk home

4.) You never get cut off....just drink, puke, repeat

5.) 30 cent wing night

6.) Kelly:) Emily and Pookey are the juice

7.) I can go there by myself and I know there will be people there that I know....Lynn, Pat Chad this is you

8.) Johnny Cash on the Jukebox

9.) For some reason smoking on the back patio feels like a little private club

10.) I know that if I go long enough I am going to see Russ use some sort of secret ninja move to kill someone

Looking for truck accessories for your truck? There are many places you can go to get accessories for your truck such as nerf bars and tonneau covers that give it a stylish look.

Ode to Dairy

Dairy,
You vile bitch.
I love that you turn my ass into
A chocolate slushy machine.
My Stomach into sulfur filled bagpipes.
My throat into a reverse pipeline
For your sour chunky goodness.
Pizza, Ice cream
Liquid poop stream.
Oh, I love you
You vile bitch.

Hats for Sale

My sword pierces flesh
In apathetic fever
Future sacrificed by my own vile hand
Happiness casualties
Wounded by words not yet spoken
Light is in two places at once
Like my love
My bitterness
My anger and indifference
Despair doesn't even scratch the surface
A stone grows in my heart
Like a medicine ball impaled in my chest
Sand pours in week after week
Until it is so heavy
Walking only comes with great effort
Strapped to a deck of a rusted boat
Unable to fight this current
Unable to go back
Drifting me to sea
I watch my dreams disappear
Like the sun slowly sinking on the horizon
possibility snuffed out like candles on your birthday cake
Blown out by someone else
And all you can do is smile
Cause it is picture time
After all it is not their fault
You invited them

Sight Unseen

I can’t stop thinking about this and I don’t know if it is because I am not smart enough to understand it or I am that big of a geek….



Basically you split an atom and separate the halves and if you change the electrons in one half the other half will change too regardless of the distance between the two halves…



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EPR_paradox



Maybe the force is real? I am going to start a Jedi training camp as soon as I become smart enough to figure this out…..

Courage - Creativity – Plug – L Cottrell Design

One of the qualities that I admire most in people is courage. Specifically courage to follow ones dreams. Something about a person willingness to risk everything in order to recreate the world with their own special touch, leaves me inspired and in awe. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people like this. You inspire me to be a better person. To take chances. To chase dreams. I am going to feature these people on a regular basis here and hopefully we can all help inspire each other grow and reach potential.


The other quality that I hold on a pedestal is creativity. Can you bring it? Think about the world with a fresh set of eyes and shape it.


Enter L. Cottrell An embodiment of both – You guys have to check out this girls designs. If you are looking for something for that special girl, your mom or yourself…it seriously is not jewelry it is art. This girl is off the hook. Original, Custom, Unique. She is getting her website set up with pictures and orders check it out and check back often as she is constantly updating with new designs… I will include a link to her site on the side for future reference… check it out and pass it on www.lstarrstyle.com

Zero Gravity

Ready for a little mind fuck? Gravity doesn’t exist. Every object around you is doubling in size every second. You don’t notice it because you can only perceive size with your eyes based on objects next to it. You don’t notice the expansion any more than you notice we are rotating through space at millions of miles an hour or that your cells and molecules are rotating and dying within your body. All of our scientific instruments are based on perception so they are unable to detect the change. If the ruler grows in proportion to the item it measures they will always be the same hence we can’t tell that everything is doubling in size every second. When you jump it is not gravity that returns you to the earth but the fact that the earth doubles in size until it reaches your feet. You are actually a billion feet tall but you don’t know it because everything around you is doubling at the same time. This is why the universe is expanding it is doubling every second too. Molecules atoms elements expanding constantly. Gravity is not real. Once you chance your perspective you alter what is possible.



What about planes….planes don’t defy gravity the defy atmospheric pressure by creating lift.



Rotation? Magnetism



Any questions?

Summer Flare

What I am reading this summer



1.) Of Love and Other Demons - Marquez

2.) Ironweed – Kennedy

3.) The Pearl – Steinbeck

4.) East is East – Boyle

5.) The Quiet American – Greene

6.) Joel on Software – Stolsky

7.) Reclaiming the Fire – Berglas

8.) The OZ Principal - Connors, Smith and Hickman

9.) The Purple Cow – Sodin

10.) Letters from Earth – Twain

11.) The Handbook of Mortgage Securities



What I have been listening to

1.) Panic at the Disco

2.) Jack Johnson

3.) Amos Lee

4.) Rascal Flatts

5.) Yo-Yo Ma

6.) T.I

7.) Snow Patrol

8.) MPR

9.) The Twins

10.)Three Days Grace



What I have been watching….

Nothing really since I don’t have a TV anymore

But I have been watching the World Cup at the bar and seen the last two episodes of Entourage

You can call me Al

You can tell where people know me from by what they call me…. Here is a key

If you here me referred to as BJ Chances are we went to kindergarten -6 grade together and you knew how much I hated being referred to as a term synonymous with blow job and so you called me this obviously…

If you hear me referred to as “Slim” – We went to high school together or you know me through someone I went to high school with. I used to be tall and skinny so it is kind of self explanatory.

If you hear me referred to as “Biz” or “Bizzzio” we worked at RFC together or you know me through someone at RFC. Term is a blend of my gangster persona and the term can’t right now I am “Busy yo”…..lately it is mostly just biz

Ryan or Rye – We went to Brown or KRS together. My name was misspelled and I just never bothered to correct it or anyone so to this day there is a large chuck of people I run into who think my name is Ryan

Prop – We went to normandale together and you are a punk making fun of my business attire, my intellectual prowess and old age by shortening the term professor…lol I still love you anyway

Brian (<- With the squiggly over the n, Dawn I forgot how to do that?) You are a part of the chinga tu madre clan or grandfathered in because of blogging and I love youJ

Bri Rye Try – I know you through Cee Cee

Iror Raw the VII – You were there for my first blog when this is the name that used to publish under it is an anagram for the 7th Warrior (Also a play a error raw, or the rawest error) most people call me Iron or Raw form whom this is how I met

Bri – Could know you from anywhere this is just what most people shorten my name to

Then there is just Brian

Also not mentioned here are the terms of endearment between tight friends that include Jackass, Fucker, Dill Hole, Pudge, Dot, Suggaa..and UB

Holodeck Heaven

Pretty sure this would be the end of humanity. Anyone ever seen Strange Days or Gulp Star Trek? I am pretty confident that if I went into one of these rooms where I could create any situation I wanted and it would be and feel real I would never leave. Imagine being able to create your perfect heaven, perfect moments on demand....what ever you could dream could be implanted in your brain as an actually event. I don't know why they ever went back to the bridge...lol The world would end every body would kill each other over who gets to go into the holodeck....people would disappear for years only to emerge during pesky blackouts

Virtual Reality is a trip...I suppose you would have to live in the real world long enough to be able to communicate what your perfect moment would be and I suppose it would get boring to repeat the same perfect moment over and over again but I could think of enough variety at this point in my life that I would willingly tune out of society.

It is also a trip because if you think about it you can create your own heaven right now anyways. Not the fake heaven of harps and clouds but your true ideal of what bliss is. The idea of harps and clouds always made me laugh. NO BODY LIKES TO PLAY THE HARP...so why in the hell is our perfect version of what heaven is a bunch of people sitting around playing an instrument that no body likes? And if this is your vision of heaven why are you not practicing now? Frankly the sound of millions of people playing a crappy instrument is enough to make me want to stay out of heaven.....or maybe I will just get kicked out when I decide to use my harp as a bow and arrow and peg off some do gooder that I can't stand with a bolt of lightning...but then god might like that and keep me around so might have to refrain, because I am pretty sure he hates these self righteous pious pricks as much as me. I also think it is funny that people associate heaven with a euphoric feeling similar to being stoned "you will experience bliss for eternity"... News Flash we have the ability to do that now its called smoking pot...yet this is rejected as not natural as compared to with dying and having the supreme creator of the universe endow you with this gift of bliss. Maybe that is why god made the plants of the earth. He was kind enough to let you get a head start. So you should go and Practice. Why would God want you to abstain from euphoria for your entire life only to grant it to you when you die? Like a parent holding a fresh diaper in front of a soiled child telling them to just sit tight.....that's just mean.


My Theory on the harp is that a long time ago someone told a harp player she played like an angel from heaven (Meaning she played welled) and people being as stupid as they are thought that angels played harps. The generation after generation of passive believer never really thought about it and came to believe in a goal that really sucks.....if you spend your whole life living right and your reward is a harp, a cloud and a feeling of euphoria that makes you so stoned and stupid you think that that shit is cool I would ask for a refund when you get there....

Confessions of a drama king

Is there a difference between a blogger who writes controversial stuff to stir the pot and make people think and Becky telling Julies something Debbie said because she knows it is going to piss her off and cause them to fight? I hope there is a difference. However the more I think about it the less sure I am that there is a difference. In either case the instigator profits by becoming the center of attention driven by some narcissistic need to be involved in the drama (could also read discussion). Although the former scenario I put on a pedestal and exalt as a virtue and the later I despise as small and petty. I guess one is a personal attack and one is an attack on and idea or belief…but isn’t an attack on an idea or a belief personal to those who hold that idea or belief? Am I just a self righteous version of Becky? Am I as big of an asshole because I am unconcerned about how what I write affects others? I do hold out hope that there is a difference. The difference to me is I print what I say. I stand behind what I say. I don’t tell one person one thing and someone else something and so on. It is right here. Black and white..same for everyone. I am the originator. The person you can complain to. Etc..

I try to be respectful on here. I never use anyone’s name. I never write about women I am with even after we are no longer together, even though there is a large chuck of material there….lol I never divulge anyone’s secret. Anything said to me in confidence. This blog is my secret. My personal thoughts. It is me revealed as honest as I am capable of being. I am sorry to those I make feel bad. I am sorry to the Becky’s out there who use my vulnerability to cause drama. I am sorry to those who are hurt by this drama. Sometimes the truth is ugly….sometimes I am ugly. If you have issue leave a comment. I accept them anonymously so you don’t even have to tell me who you are. Otherwise just delete my link because until you get down from your perch of safety and quit throwing potshots in the dark I really have nothing to say to you. And for those who use my words to attempt to wound those I care for I have a big brown steaming trophy for you as a testament to what a pile you are.

I really hate that I even have to say any of this. I feel like I am back in third grade. All of the people who leave comments on her I love and honestly I don’t know what I would do without you. To all the people who post here that I have come to love over the years I love you. I love our discussions even when we don’t agree. I love that even in my darkest hours, saddest lows, self destructive, and happy bows that you have been there and comforted me….corrected me when I was wrong…celebrated with me when I was happy. Mostly that you accepted me no matter how flawed I really am…and for that I thank you.


This is directed at a very few people who have tried to distort my words to strike out at some people that I really care about. Make no mistakes I don’t care what you say about me. But as soon as you go after my personal integrity, my families name and my inner circle I am going to introduce you to the word schaklog….


(Schaklog replaced twast with some added negative connotations for those that know what twast was)


Iror Raw VII

Unearthed Long Forgotten Hidden Treasure

Enter the public library. I have forgotten how much I love the’. Too bad you had not forgotten that I owed you $35 dollars from a 1998 check-out that I don’t remember. That aside I am glad we have met again.


Top 10 Reasons for my rekindled love affair with the library.

1.) Its quiet…Really just like the movies.

2.) The people that work there are super helpful…especially for researching topics.

3.) Its free. I have saved a lot of money…next to booze books are my second biggest optional expense.

4.) They have music I can take home and rip without worry of what bearshare is downloading on my PC.

5.) Its not pretentious.

6.) There are lots of geeks just like me there. I have met a lot of them.

7.) Now I can renew my books online without having to go back into the library

8.) When I am done I don’t have more books that I have to pack…I just drop them off.

9.) If the book sucks oh well I didn’t pay for it.

10.) It makes me happy that there is an institution filled with knowledge that is free to the public (tax funding aside), that everyone can access and benefit from. It is part of our community.



Top Five Reasons I don’t about going to the library



1.) Not a whole lot of new releases and the ones that they do have are usually checked out.

2.) I can’t write in the margins of the book.

3.) If I really like it and want to share it with people I have to buy it anyways.

4.) Brining books back…can’t the library work like netflicks?

5.) That I feel like everything I read is being tracked by the government.

Americanization = Depression = Excess (Read: escape)

Drunkenness factor: 79%

What is excess?
Excess is an overabundance.
Excess is a scapegoat
A Pseudo Disease
A mere symptom
You don't get cancer from smoking three packs in a day
But you have smoked in excess
Cliché insertion: Anything in excess is bad
Cliché Insertion: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Drink Brian Drink
12 shots feel good
The stress of our color in the lines world slips away
Don't be afraid to be picked on
The odd kid out
Being the odd kid out is the Americanization of excess
Or better stated our fear of being the odd kid out
Last picked for kickball
Being smart = teachers pet = ridicule
The end result is a mediocre student
Afraid to raise their hand or ace a test
A lesson carried for life
Don't be too much better then others or they won't like you
I don't want to be different
Or called on even when I know the answer
I want to be safe
Be liked
Part of the pack
I color in the lines
I am non- offensive
Non - Abrasive
Average
Different is only good if it is universally accepted then it is not difference
Life is boring
Life is meaningless
I escape it with a repetitive behavior
I drink to the lines that I don’t cross
I make up for it by becoming a zombie
That depresses me
I escape only to repeat
Unfulfilled potential = depression = escape
The repetition of the escape is what causes cancer
Credit card debt
The Clap
I never learned to be ok with being picked last
Being outside the lines
Teachers little pet
I am a victim of my own conformity
I am a self handicapping repetitiously excessive escape artist
Mother fucking Houdini has nothing on me.....

Vulgar little cuss...

I think it was easy e who said

"What the fuck
I am Fucked
Because I like to fuck"


I think my problem is that intimacy seems to mean something different to me then most people. When I am intimate with someone it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with talking to someone. Sharing, Revealing, letting them touch the parts of me that I rope off for only the vips. Sex on the other hand doesn't hold some special attachment for me. I can have sex and that will be that....walk away....nothing. It was a knee jerk reaction for pleasure like having a drink or smoking a joint. I don't become emotional with the bottle I just have an agreement with it that when I am done we will go our separate ways, hopefully we both had a good time. Sex is fun. I love women. I love the first time with a new woman. I love the taste of pussy in my mouth. I love variety. I match these things that bring me joy with a dichotomy that is brewing in my mind. I want a loving partner to go through life with. I want to be a good provider. I want to experience the joy of having children. Can't I do all of these things and still whore it up?

Credo of the open relationship
1.) No sex with your partners friends or relatives
2.) If I find out about some thing it should be from you
3.) Always wear a condom

Perfect Night

Happy Thoughts:)

Had a perfect moment the other night that I just wanted to share. I was sitting in my back yard on my swing with my legs up. I had done alot of non-sense that day that included busy work like mowing, hedging yada yada and was fairly tired but satisfied with all that I had done. I had a beer. I listened to the twins game on the radio as the sun started its descent. The smell of fresh cut grass lingering as sprinklers hissed and a a breeze rustled through the trees. My neighbor Audrey came over and sat down on the swing with me with her customary ice tea(for those of you who don't know her is is like 90 years old and maybe the sweetest woman alive) I don't remember ever speaking a word to her but it didn't seem to matter. The game had two effects or maybe it was the beer but I could vividly imagine it taking place. The announcers voice replaced all of the nagging stress in my head. I felt my whole body relax and I just smiled and zoned out in the twilight. It was simple. It didn't involve any money or ego. In the middle of all of the chaos that I am going through there was this perfect moment of serenity. I felt like an empty battery finally put on a charger. I tell you it has been years since I have felt as happy and at peace as I was sitting in the Minnesota summer twilight listening to the twins...

Akedeia or Accidie

The Greek word that was the original fourth deadly sin. Now translated into Sloth means an indifference to life, paralysis of the soul, or a permanent state of non-caring. The english word sloth connotates laziness and falls short of the actual meaning of the word which has to do with the torpor that those who fail to live up to their potential suffer. Why does this matter? One it is what I have been feeling latley. Two is shows the horrific translation of the biblical text into english and the false associations that word comes to mean when we fail to grasp the authors original intention and suplant it with our own.


Also what the hell purpose do beards serve from an evolutionary standpoint? Is it to keep our faces warm when we were hunting? I have decided I don't like shaving or cutting the grass...but my fear of social rejection for not following custom stems me from making a stand.

Jackedrabbit

They say when you find yourself in a hole the first thing you should do is stop digging. Apparently, I like to jump into holes with a full set of boring equipment and drill on like a maniac. After a while when you are deprived of light, sight, sound, sensory deprivation takes over and you begin to create your own imaginary reality to explain your surroundings. A pretty picture to cover up the fact that you are in a dark hole that you only hope gets dug faster than your ability to fill it with your own waste. I am so lost in the deep I can’t tell if I am touching dirt, rocks or my own turds. I am not sure what hypothesis I am actually trying to test. Am I digging to see if hell exists? Am I trying to find out how tough I am by filling my life with as much complication as I can to see what my breaking point is? Am I digging because it is less of a ways to fall? Ready made grave?

They say that life is what happens to you while you are making plans. My life has never been typical by any means, but for some reason I clung to a vision of what my life should be like. Meet someone fall in love, get married, have kids live happily ever after making millions of dollars doing as little as possible….naive I know but I tell you I believed it. I in fact even tried it. It wasn’t good. So what is my new vision? What is my new reality? Blended families? Average job? Parenting split three ways? I care, you care, day care? Monogamy with lots of different women? Champagne lifestyle with a miller light salary? Chase the Jones with mastercar -d? Fake enough feelings so I have some one who will show up at my funeral and say that at least I wasn’t an asshole all the time.

If life isn’t supposed to be set in stone, if there is no path to follow but our own how come we are so damn judgmental about the paths that others choice if they don’t agree with our vision of the world that doesn’t really exist?
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Bizzio Tunnelson

American Me?

American Me?



I look out my window at work all day starring at a car dealership and its fleet of American flags. The flag and the idea of what an American is has become an interesting concept to me lately. I am not sure when or how it happened but my first visual image that comes into focus when I see the flag or hear the word American is an ignorant, overweight, Budweiser drinking, swabben, churchgoing, truck driving, gun tooting, racist hillbilly. Now obviously I know that is not the case as I know plenty of Americans who are anything but that stereotype. I started to wonder why I think like that and really couldn’t come up with any valid reasons for my thoughts on..

1.) What is an American?

2.) What does this country really stand for?


My conjecture at this point is those images and words are associated in my head to the unflattering picture of an American precisely because those are the people who are most proud of this country. They are the ones with the flag in their yard and bumper stickers on their trucks. And I am left wondering is everybody else who makes up the majority of this country afraid of proclaiming their American heritage? Is there a reason we rarely see a view on TV or Radio that expresses decent to this ideal of what is an American? Or am I just not paying close enough attention? Is everyone else afraid to be an American like me? Why am I ashamed?

People often say, “If you don’t like it here then leave.” What if the British said that to the founding fathers? What if they left? What if George Washington was like you you’re your right and moved to Canada? Dissent is good! Conflict is good! Creativity is the next revolution and creativity is stress compounding with freewill. What if those in the dissenting opinion now are the founding fathers to the next new age of America? What if we left? American is not the land of the complacent and entrenched it is the land of the free. It is the land of those who are wiling to risk it all for an ideal. Not those who are ill entitled by right of birth..

Maybe none of this makes sense but wth…some random thoughts for you.

Anyone else have some thoughts on the subject?

Quick Rant

ON THE FLY IS A SELLING TOOL USED BY CONSULTANTS IT DOES NOT EXIST

There is no on the fly tool for IT development that is going to let non-technical people be technical people. You still have to get requirments, code them, test them and promote them. No tool will do this for you. If you want to speed up the process try a change in methodology like XP (Extreme Programing)Or better yet leave your coders the fuck alone so that they can code!!

NO TOOL ALLOWS YOU TO BY-PASS THE THOUGHT PROCESS REQUIRED

Love and Hate

Ten Things I Hate

1.)People who brake before they flip on their turn signal! Also people who break for no reason other then they are stupid and don’t know how to drive

2.)Talking during movies – Watching a movie is not an interactive process, don’t turn it into one please shut the fuck up

3.)Birds (most of them) And it not just the fact that the like to poop on my car. I was reading a report on Avian Flu in my backyard and there was this blackbird watching me and I suddenly became very uncomfortable with birds…on a side note I now sit on my swing with a bb gun.

4.)That the liquor store is closed on Sunday

5.)People who leave their music on loud when they are at the gas station. Almost every fight I have been in during the last three years has been while I have been getting gas and asked people to turn their radios down

6.)When I have a really good idea, dream, story or poem in my head and I forget to write it down and then I forget about it.

7.)I hate when I don’t have the time and resources to do everything and see everybody that I would like to.

8.)When I go for long periods without alone time…I am just one of those people that needs a weekend or two now and then to drop off them map and just be alone INTJ for those familiar with Myers Briggs…if don’t get time to be alone and rest, read, relax, think .etc..I just get crabby and people who don’t understand this about me usually are not in my life for long

9.)I hate the fact that my life feels in limbo right now

10.)I hate the fact that I let little insignificant things like those on this list bother me

Ten Things I Love

1.)Being tired and crawling into a newly made bed with fresh crisp sheets on it, fan blowing and no distractions

2.)I love the sound and look of a woman walking in high heels

3.)I love back rubs and head rubs. Something about a woman’s nails being dragged across your back and scalp that has to be one of the sexiest feelings alive

4.)I having drinks with my friends whether it is at the bar or someone’s house nothing brings joy to my life like having a cocktail and talking for hours about absolutely nothing

5.)I love sitting my back yard on the swing and being completely lost in a good book or contemplating a essay or problem from school or work. I love school!

6.)I love watching old monty python skits until I am laughing so hard that I am ready to piss myself

7.)I love to write and I write for me, but I love comments on my blog and getting emails and IMs about stuff that I do…call me a narcissistic fuck but do it in a loving way because I love the validation and debate that is brought out by those people that I know

8.)I love buying presents and doing things for people. I know it is selfish but I just love to see people happy and it feels good when you are the one that made them feel like that

9.)I live sitting out in the middle of nowhere and looking up at the stars

10.) I love traveling to someplace I have never been before. Something about the new experience refreshes and energizes me like nothing else….I love how it makes me see the world in a different light

Animal in Human Clothing

“Help me to believe its not the real me, no one will ever tame this animal I have become”

No bullets are missing in this game of roulette
No one walks away
Death by a million bad decisions
Death by a million good ones
I grok lies
I appoint my own disappointment
My atonement chases me like a swarm of bees
Pissed off about their missing honey
Hive broken on the ground and ripped apart by greedy wandering hands
Honey attracts flies and dirt
Sticky shit
I am filthy
Baggage packed under unrested eyes
Manipulation so subtle it is confused with generosity
Hiding in plain sight
I exist it is intentions that are unseen
Annexed to fire
Anointed by pestilence
Button down savage
Metro sexual Demon
Right and Wrong are blurred
Like vision after being punched to much
Pearl Tongue and wicked heart
Listen at your own peril
Honesty can be grow-test
So can I
No prying of fingers
Try cutting of hands
I lay these cards on the table
Like Scott paper towels laid out in front of the computer
Soon to filled with seeds of life
Lets see how much your paper faith can hold
A pending exorcism
Lifting of the cloak of righteousness
Reveals some angels are more corrupted then their so called demons
Penetrate the world
Stand behind it and whisper into its darkness
“try it you might like it, just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels”
Insert truth and logic and reason until the orifice of all that was is stretched

You can run a red light

Does Speeding Make You Late?

Hypothesis – Does going faster than the speed limit make you late by causing you to hit more red lights?

This occurred to me a while back and I finally got a chance to test this out.

Ever notice when you are in your car and running late you seem to get stuck at every red light? I wanted to test if there was something to that theory…I chose the one variable that I thought I could test that being speed as the main cause of the constant stops at red lights. I mean what do you do when you are late? You speed!

My reasoning that it would cause you to get stopped at more red lights is this..

There are three kinds of traffic lights.

1.) Weighted – A weight is placed under the concrete that registers that a car is waiting and activates the change control system of the light. (These are becoming less common)

2.) Refractory – A laser is bounced back to a sensor in the light that measures the distance of the bounce and determines if a car is waiting

3.) Timed Light – Lights that change color based on intervals of time regardless of whether a car is waiting or not.



My theory is this when you are speeding you increase your chance of arriving at a light first…(If you are going faster than others you have a greater chance of arriving ahead of them…duh right). This increases the chance that you will have to wait at a light as no one is there to trigger the change control system ahead of you.

The test and the results

I plotted a course involving three streets(penn, lyndale, portland), two freeway off ramps(35w), three turn lanes,28 lights in total.

I drove the course 6 times. 2 times at the speed limit (35 mph, 55 on the free way)

2 times below the speed limit (25mph on residential and 45 on the freeway) btfw…driving slower than the speed limit is very stressful I have never been honked at or flipped off more in my entire life!!

2 times above the speed limit (45 mph on residential and 65 on the freeway)

And recorded the number of lights that I was stopped at and the time it took to complete the run.

(now this is not a perfect test as I was not able to control the speed the entire time...i.e. had to navigate through traffic etc., I also did not speed up to make lights ex. go faster than my set amounts and on all test runs I had a light or two that was questionable if ran it as it was changing from yellow to red.

Why did I do this? I was kicked out of my house for some showings and thought it would be fun to drive around and smoke and be a reject.

The results in a nutshell:

Speeding pays off.. On average I was stopped at three more lights when I was speeding but I arrived at the destination 6 minutes faster!!

Going below the speed limit was not only a horrific experience but also the worst offender when it came to hitting lights I was stopped at 7 more than the control subject and arrived 10 minutes later at the destination.
I made a cool graph of these findings in Excel if anyone would like to see them


So go for it! SPEED! Life is to short!!

Fire and Motion

For one of my book clubs we are reading Joel On Software and we just passed an interesting chapter that gave me cause to do a little reflection (Although all chapters have done that this book and his blog rocks…if you are a coder or work with coders you should check this one out.)


The chapter was on fire and motion a strategy that all military conflict revolves around. When confronted with an enemy you are to fire your weapon at them as you move towards them. By doing this you force your enemy to take cover (and not shoot at you) as you gain ground and move in for more accurate shots. If you are not firing at them they are firing at you gaining on you for a better shot. He addressed this as what Microsoft does with each releases forcing people to upgrade…Microsoft even though this software is only marginally better is firing at the competition so they cant focus on developing there own systems they are covering and making sure that they are in sync with Microsoft.

I loved this concept because it is such a good illustration of taking control of your life. Are you in the trenches pinned down by life’s fire? Or are you firing and moving towards your target?

I realized I have been pinned down lately…and it is time to start firing and moving!!

There is also something to be said about teamwork in here….Will you cover me?

Basically use teamwork so that multiple people can advance on a target.


Will someone cover me? I am going in!!


Pick that fucking thing up and lets do this!

Pressure

Pressure
Urgency
Building Angst
Fidget
Sweat
Increasing
Mounting
Pending
can't think of anything else
I really have to pee

Freedom in the Workplace

Freedom in the Workplace

(message from the attoneys: This is not directed at any person or company in particular but rather comments on a growing concern in all industries. I love my job and would recommed it as a place to work to anybody. Overall we are fairly relaxed and have a fantastic working environment with people that I truly love like my family)

There have been a lot of discussion on Internet Usage in the Workplace lately and I just wanted to weigh in a few thoughts on the subject.

First I need to level set a little, I subscribe to the theory of management by objectives.

I am a knowledge worker. I think and solve problems for a living. My deliverables are my thoughts organized in to pretty little charts and paragraphs…well sometimes not so pretty..lol

Management by Objectives is the philosophy that I am paying you to do a task by a certain agreed upon period. For example each week we look at our project schedule and set deliverables for the week. If you want to rush through the task and get it done early go right ahead if you want to take your time feel free to do so but come hell or high-water you better be done with it on Friday. To me the amount of time it takes you is irrelevant as long as I can count on your consistent delivery by an agreed to schedule. Hope that makes sense. If it only ends up taking you 30 hours to do it so be it, alternately it could take you 80 hours to do the task it does not matter. You agreed to the task so you complete it. This is different then I am going to pay you a salary and I own your ass for 40 hours so if you are done early you are going to be my bitch and vacuum too!

Therefore, I write this as a worker on a team of knowledge workers in an environment of management by objectives…

Ok so on to the point…

Where some people see a problem with internet usage even for personal usage during work, I see a marketplace shift and opportunities.

1.)People are changing the way that they communicate…get used to it. We IM, Text, Email and throw up signs if we drink too much.

2.)IM and texting are useful…you can set your status so people do not interrupt your zone…you can respond to IM and email and text without getting out of the zone.

3.)Messages are short these are not paragraphs of blazing text. It is a quick way to get a quick response.

4.)People are changing the way they network and keep in touch…hello myspace, facebook, faceparty etc. Do not fight it. Put your company out there get some friends. You might even attract the tons of graphic artists, coders, free thinkers, tech savvy risk takers that will fight the battle for your company in the coming years.

5.) Your company can benefit by the social network of your employees…the best hires are usually someone, someone on your team knows…let them keep in touch. Do you really want your people online telling the 85 million people in their social net that your company is ruled with an iron fist and not really a good place to work? How is that helping recruiting the best and brightest who btw are growing up using these tools.

6.)Time online does not = non-productive time. Just because my browser is open to my gmail account or myspace account all day does not mean that I am using it instead of working.

7.)Just because I am online does not mean that I have stopped thinking about a problem…sometimes breaks from what you are looking at actually help you solve the problem, give you new insight, and change perspective. Sometimes flirting with a beautiful woman gives me the incentive to actually take on bigger projects than I know I can do because I am not saying she is a gold digger but she is not messing with no broke…

8.)A happy worker is a productive worker. I personally learn by playing…yep you know where I learned to configure the HTML color schemas for those mock-ups? Myspace baby!

9.)Worldwide Marketplace perspective! I have many sweet friends who happen to live all over the world and all across the United States…and we talk all day…even when I am at work. The insight that they give me, compassion, flirtation, perspective makes me more productive not less. Even when we are only talking about if gruntle means happiness since disgruntled means your pissed

10.)Really, banning streaming radio? Because it keeps people at there desk? Drowns out distraction? Oh but it uses up bandwidth…hey if tanning salons are sophisticated enough to broadcast XM to every booth I am sure we can figure it out too…

11.)Can’t use my personal email account? What? This actually reduces the risk of jokes and internal communication inside the network that can result in HR headaches not to mention saves on server space.

12.)Don’t ban gambling sites…check their record! I love risk takers if they are good at beating the spread do not fire them…put them on the trade desk!

13.)We solve problems differently….I do not ask. I Google! Get use to it!

14.)We blog …because we all need a place where we can express our thoughts and feelings free of screenings, censors and dogma


Caveats…save the porn for when you are at home with your girlies. If you do production assembly, you are screwed with these arguments. Get back to work!

Famous rebuttals – If you are mad because you think I am playing at work I am sorry, but I really do not care. I can run circles around you. My stuff is done maybe if you worried more about your stuff yours would be done too! If you are mad because I can get my stuff done early and have time to play, I would say if you cannot do your job in 30 hours a week, you are probably not qualified to do it. If you are hating because you come in on the weekend to get ahead and work extra hours…you better not be hating on me, that is your choice, my life is too short not to live it so go on and fuck yourself.


All right, I am almost done with this rant. In closing if it is a production issue with someone, address it, as production issues with that person. Do not cast a net hoping to find an excuse to deal with one person. You never know what you are going to drag up… Most companies have policy against drug usage too, but I know for a fact that in this industry there are 100’s of top performers who could not pass a piss test to save there suit wearing, Ivy League lives.

Bizzzio Von Stuffensnatch

Breaking Free

Breaking Free

Picture if you will sitting behind the wheel of your car. You can move forwards and backwards. You are participating in an assumption. Your car depends on a series of assumptions about physics, gravity, propulsion etc. Your car is grounded in so much as it never leaves the road or at least for your sake I hope so! Your car travels in two dimensions forwards and backwards. Your car is two-dimensional. It has the illusion of safety, it is familiar.
Now picture yourself in the cockpit of a Lear I know a little harder. You are still grounded although the illusion is otherwise; you have updated and added assumptions to everything we know about cars and included lift, aerodynamics, wind currents etc. You are now free to travel in three dimensions you can go forward and up and down, you are in three dimensions, there is the illusion of danger even though you have several 100 times greater chance of dying in a car crash, and it is unfamiliar.

I would contend that there is an element of risk in leaving behind that what we know and updating our assumptions about the world.

However…
I invite you to think about that today and let your thoughts fly as you allow them to move in three-dimensional space….

Message to the Beat Makers

Why haste thou deemed that it is good to have sirens as part of thy beat?

1.) Sirens are not pleasing to the ear.
2.) It makes me slow down when I am driving as I constantly think I am being pulled over.
3.) The last thing I want to think about when I am having a good time is the police.
4.) ITS CHEATING!! It is a cheap way to get adrenaline flowing - I mean come on at least try to pump me up with out scaring me...don't you have any real skills? You have to resort to this Pavlov's dog bullshit..

Bizzzio Von Sniffensnatch

Melf

My throat expands to accommodate the growing mass.
I feel its coarseness as it articulates its way through the lining of my esophagus.
Poking and prodding for weakness
It is fury, lumpy, and smooth at it passes my teeth and lips at a velocity equal to the pressure I can force it out of my lungs
It hits the ground and bounces
It runs and I chase it.
I corner it and we look at each other
Nervousness mixes with adrenalin as I pick up a bat
My swing causes the lugie to
Splash the walls and coat my pants up to my knees
I need to quit smoking
This is getting ridiculous

Quote

Just came arcoss this today and liked it


"Integrity is built by defeating the temptation to be dishonest; humility grows when we refuse to be prideful; and endurance develops everytime you reject the temptation to give up."

LETLAR - Alpha Chapter One

The Blog of LETLAR

After this entry the subsequent chapters of LETLAR will be posted at the site above.
This will remain my personal blog

LETLAR
Alpha

Chapter One of the Alpha Writings

The beginning

It is not necessary for us to go all the way back to the beginning.
For it is not the job of the agnostic to claim certainty where others have done so.
It is the job of the agnostic to evaluate what is the truth based on logic and reason.
It is the job of the agnostic to hold multiple ideas in their head until one
emerges as a champion. It is the job of the agnostic to know when the champion has been beaten.
We only need to go back as far as is needed for our purposes.
To the beginning of thought. The beginning of the use of reason and logic.
In the beginning was questions. Why is it raining? Why is the ground shaking?
Questions gives rise to speculation.
Speculation gives birth to dogma and our present quandary.
Speculation and ritual are not the enemy. They should be seen as the birth mother of all that the agnostic holds as ideal.
Speculation is our beginning. It is the first attempt at man to seek and explain the truth of the world around him.
It is the birth of god. Not the otherway around. We attempt to describe our world. To show cause an effect.
With limited vocabulary and understanding we came to limited conclusions. This is not the fault of those who came before us but it is there gift to us. The ability to seek out what we don't know and explain and define it with celebration.
It is a gift we can only receive by seeking to further our understanding. We disgrace those who came before us when we accept what they did.
When we define the world using their vocabulary.

We create beginnings everyday. This too is a begging it is a middle and end. It is celebration of what makes us unique. Today at this begging I
invite you to celebrate with me our thought. Your thought. Your attempt to explain the world around you. We seek to provide no answers
only a forum for this celebration.

(Anyone else have so good thoughts on the beginning?)