Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Love and Hate

Ten Things I Hate

1.)People who brake before they flip on their turn signal! Also people who break for no reason other then they are stupid and don’t know how to drive

2.)Talking during movies – Watching a movie is not an interactive process, don’t turn it into one please shut the fuck up

3.)Birds (most of them) And it not just the fact that the like to poop on my car. I was reading a report on Avian Flu in my backyard and there was this blackbird watching me and I suddenly became very uncomfortable with birds…on a side note I now sit on my swing with a bb gun.

4.)That the liquor store is closed on Sunday

5.)People who leave their music on loud when they are at the gas station. Almost every fight I have been in during the last three years has been while I have been getting gas and asked people to turn their radios down

6.)When I have a really good idea, dream, story or poem in my head and I forget to write it down and then I forget about it.

7.)I hate when I don’t have the time and resources to do everything and see everybody that I would like to.

8.)When I go for long periods without alone time…I am just one of those people that needs a weekend or two now and then to drop off them map and just be alone INTJ for those familiar with Myers Briggs…if don’t get time to be alone and rest, read, relax, think .etc..I just get crabby and people who don’t understand this about me usually are not in my life for long

9.)I hate the fact that my life feels in limbo right now

10.)I hate the fact that I let little insignificant things like those on this list bother me

Ten Things I Love

1.)Being tired and crawling into a newly made bed with fresh crisp sheets on it, fan blowing and no distractions

2.)I love the sound and look of a woman walking in high heels

3.)I love back rubs and head rubs. Something about a woman’s nails being dragged across your back and scalp that has to be one of the sexiest feelings alive

4.)I having drinks with my friends whether it is at the bar or someone’s house nothing brings joy to my life like having a cocktail and talking for hours about absolutely nothing

5.)I love sitting my back yard on the swing and being completely lost in a good book or contemplating a essay or problem from school or work. I love school!

6.)I love watching old monty python skits until I am laughing so hard that I am ready to piss myself

7.)I love to write and I write for me, but I love comments on my blog and getting emails and IMs about stuff that I do…call me a narcissistic fuck but do it in a loving way because I love the validation and debate that is brought out by those people that I know

8.)I love buying presents and doing things for people. I know it is selfish but I just love to see people happy and it feels good when you are the one that made them feel like that

9.)I live sitting out in the middle of nowhere and looking up at the stars

10.) I love traveling to someplace I have never been before. Something about the new experience refreshes and energizes me like nothing else….I love how it makes me see the world in a different light

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Animal in Human Clothing

“Help me to believe its not the real me, no one will ever tame this animal I have become”

No bullets are missing in this game of roulette
No one walks away
Death by a million bad decisions
Death by a million good ones
I grok lies
I appoint my own disappointment
My atonement chases me like a swarm of bees
Pissed off about their missing honey
Hive broken on the ground and ripped apart by greedy wandering hands
Honey attracts flies and dirt
Sticky shit
I am filthy
Baggage packed under unrested eyes
Manipulation so subtle it is confused with generosity
Hiding in plain sight
I exist it is intentions that are unseen
Annexed to fire
Anointed by pestilence
Button down savage
Metro sexual Demon
Right and Wrong are blurred
Like vision after being punched to much
Pearl Tongue and wicked heart
Listen at your own peril
Honesty can be grow-test
So can I
No prying of fingers
Try cutting of hands
I lay these cards on the table
Like Scott paper towels laid out in front of the computer
Soon to filled with seeds of life
Lets see how much your paper faith can hold
A pending exorcism
Lifting of the cloak of righteousness
Reveals some angels are more corrupted then their so called demons
Penetrate the world
Stand behind it and whisper into its darkness
“try it you might like it, just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels”
Insert truth and logic and reason until the orifice of all that was is stretched

Monday, May 22, 2006

You can run a red light

Does Speeding Make You Late?

Hypothesis – Does going faster than the speed limit make you late by causing you to hit more red lights?

This occurred to me a while back and I finally got a chance to test this out.

Ever notice when you are in your car and running late you seem to get stuck at every red light? I wanted to test if there was something to that theory…I chose the one variable that I thought I could test that being speed as the main cause of the constant stops at red lights. I mean what do you do when you are late? You speed!

My reasoning that it would cause you to get stopped at more red lights is this..

There are three kinds of traffic lights.

1.) Weighted – A weight is placed under the concrete that registers that a car is waiting and activates the change control system of the light. (These are becoming less common)

2.) Refractory – A laser is bounced back to a sensor in the light that measures the distance of the bounce and determines if a car is waiting

3.) Timed Light – Lights that change color based on intervals of time regardless of whether a car is waiting or not.

My theory is this when you are speeding you increase your chance of arriving at a light first…(If you are going faster than others you have a greater chance of arriving ahead of them…duh right). This increases the chance that you will have to wait at a light as no one is there to trigger the change control system ahead of you.

The test and the results

I plotted a course involving three streets(penn, lyndale, portland), two freeway off ramps(35w), three turn lanes,28 lights in total.

I drove the course 6 times. 2 times at the speed limit (35 mph, 55 on the free way)

2 times below the speed limit (25mph on residential and 45 on the freeway) btfw…driving slower than the speed limit is very stressful I have never been honked at or flipped off more in my entire life!!

2 times above the speed limit (45 mph on residential and 65 on the freeway)

And recorded the number of lights that I was stopped at and the time it took to complete the run.

(now this is not a perfect test as I was not able to control the speed the entire time...i.e. had to navigate through traffic etc., I also did not speed up to make lights ex. go faster than my set amounts and on all test runs I had a light or two that was questionable if ran it as it was changing from yellow to red.

Why did I do this? I was kicked out of my house for some showings and thought it would be fun to drive around and smoke and be a reject.

The results in a nutshell:

Speeding pays off.. On average I was stopped at three more lights when I was speeding but I arrived at the destination 6 minutes faster!!

Going below the speed limit was not only a horrific experience but also the worst offender when it came to hitting lights I was stopped at 7 more than the control subject and arrived 10 minutes later at the destination.
I made a cool graph of these findings in Excel if anyone would like to see them

So go for it! SPEED! Life is to short!!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Fire and Motion

For one of my book clubs we are reading Joel On Software and we just passed an interesting chapter that gave me cause to do a little reflection (Although all chapters have done that this book and his blog rocks…if you are a coder or work with coders you should check this one out.)

The chapter was on fire and motion a strategy that all military conflict revolves around. When confronted with an enemy you are to fire your weapon at them as you move towards them. By doing this you force your enemy to take cover (and not shoot at you) as you gain ground and move in for more accurate shots. If you are not firing at them they are firing at you gaining on you for a better shot. He addressed this as what Microsoft does with each releases forcing people to upgrade…Microsoft even though this software is only marginally better is firing at the competition so they cant focus on developing there own systems they are covering and making sure that they are in sync with Microsoft.

I loved this concept because it is such a good illustration of taking control of your life. Are you in the trenches pinned down by life’s fire? Or are you firing and moving towards your target?

I realized I have been pinned down lately…and it is time to start firing and moving!!

There is also something to be said about teamwork in here….Will you cover me?

Basically use teamwork so that multiple people can advance on a target.

Will someone cover me? I am going in!!

Pick that fucking thing up and lets do this!

Sunday, May 14, 2006


Building Angst
can't think of anything else
I really have to pee

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Freedom in the Workplace

Freedom in the Workplace

(message from the attoneys: This is not directed at any person or company in particular but rather comments on a growing concern in all industries. I love my job and would recommed it as a place to work to anybody. Overall we are fairly relaxed and have a fantastic working environment with people that I truly love like my family)

There have been a lot of discussion on Internet Usage in the Workplace lately and I just wanted to weigh in a few thoughts on the subject.

First I need to level set a little, I subscribe to the theory of management by objectives.

I am a knowledge worker. I think and solve problems for a living. My deliverables are my thoughts organized in to pretty little charts and paragraphs…well sometimes not so pretty..lol

Management by Objectives is the philosophy that I am paying you to do a task by a certain agreed upon period. For example each week we look at our project schedule and set deliverables for the week. If you want to rush through the task and get it done early go right ahead if you want to take your time feel free to do so but come hell or high-water you better be done with it on Friday. To me the amount of time it takes you is irrelevant as long as I can count on your consistent delivery by an agreed to schedule. Hope that makes sense. If it only ends up taking you 30 hours to do it so be it, alternately it could take you 80 hours to do the task it does not matter. You agreed to the task so you complete it. This is different then I am going to pay you a salary and I own your ass for 40 hours so if you are done early you are going to be my bitch and vacuum too!

Therefore, I write this as a worker on a team of knowledge workers in an environment of management by objectives…

Ok so on to the point…

Where some people see a problem with internet usage even for personal usage during work, I see a marketplace shift and opportunities.

1.)People are changing the way that they communicate…get used to it. We IM, Text, Email and throw up signs if we drink too much.

2.)IM and texting are useful…you can set your status so people do not interrupt your zone…you can respond to IM and email and text without getting out of the zone.

3.)Messages are short these are not paragraphs of blazing text. It is a quick way to get a quick response.

4.)People are changing the way they network and keep in touch…hello myspace, facebook, faceparty etc. Do not fight it. Put your company out there get some friends. You might even attract the tons of graphic artists, coders, free thinkers, tech savvy risk takers that will fight the battle for your company in the coming years.

5.) Your company can benefit by the social network of your employees…the best hires are usually someone, someone on your team knows…let them keep in touch. Do you really want your people online telling the 85 million people in their social net that your company is ruled with an iron fist and not really a good place to work? How is that helping recruiting the best and brightest who btw are growing up using these tools.

6.)Time online does not = non-productive time. Just because my browser is open to my gmail account or myspace account all day does not mean that I am using it instead of working.

7.)Just because I am online does not mean that I have stopped thinking about a problem…sometimes breaks from what you are looking at actually help you solve the problem, give you new insight, and change perspective. Sometimes flirting with a beautiful woman gives me the incentive to actually take on bigger projects than I know I can do because I am not saying she is a gold digger but she is not messing with no broke…

8.)A happy worker is a productive worker. I personally learn by playing…yep you know where I learned to configure the HTML color schemas for those mock-ups? Myspace baby!

9.)Worldwide Marketplace perspective! I have many sweet friends who happen to live all over the world and all across the United States…and we talk all day…even when I am at work. The insight that they give me, compassion, flirtation, perspective makes me more productive not less. Even when we are only talking about if gruntle means happiness since disgruntled means your pissed

10.)Really, banning streaming radio? Because it keeps people at there desk? Drowns out distraction? Oh but it uses up bandwidth…hey if tanning salons are sophisticated enough to broadcast XM to every booth I am sure we can figure it out too…

11.)Can’t use my personal email account? What? This actually reduces the risk of jokes and internal communication inside the network that can result in HR headaches not to mention saves on server space.

12.)Don’t ban gambling sites…check their record! I love risk takers if they are good at beating the spread do not fire them…put them on the trade desk!

13.)We solve problems differently….I do not ask. I Google! Get use to it!

14.)We blog …because we all need a place where we can express our thoughts and feelings free of screenings, censors and dogma

Caveats…save the porn for when you are at home with your girlies. If you do production assembly, you are screwed with these arguments. Get back to work!

Famous rebuttals – If you are mad because you think I am playing at work I am sorry, but I really do not care. I can run circles around you. My stuff is done maybe if you worried more about your stuff yours would be done too! If you are mad because I can get my stuff done early and have time to play, I would say if you cannot do your job in 30 hours a week, you are probably not qualified to do it. If you are hating because you come in on the weekend to get ahead and work extra hours…you better not be hating on me, that is your choice, my life is too short not to live it so go on and fuck yourself.

All right, I am almost done with this rant. In closing if it is a production issue with someone, address it, as production issues with that person. Do not cast a net hoping to find an excuse to deal with one person. You never know what you are going to drag up… Most companies have policy against drug usage too, but I know for a fact that in this industry there are 100’s of top performers who could not pass a piss test to save there suit wearing, Ivy League lives.

Bizzzio Von Stuffensnatch

Monday, May 08, 2006

Breaking Free

Breaking Free

Picture if you will sitting behind the wheel of your car. You can move forwards and backwards. You are participating in an assumption. Your car depends on a series of assumptions about physics, gravity, propulsion etc. Your car is grounded in so much as it never leaves the road or at least for your sake I hope so! Your car travels in two dimensions forwards and backwards. Your car is two-dimensional. It has the illusion of safety, it is familiar.
Now picture yourself in the cockpit of a Lear I know a little harder. You are still grounded although the illusion is otherwise; you have updated and added assumptions to everything we know about cars and included lift, aerodynamics, wind currents etc. You are now free to travel in three dimensions you can go forward and up and down, you are in three dimensions, there is the illusion of danger even though you have several 100 times greater chance of dying in a car crash, and it is unfamiliar.

I would contend that there is an element of risk in leaving behind that what we know and updating our assumptions about the world.

I invite you to think about that today and let your thoughts fly as you allow them to move in three-dimensional space….

Monday, May 01, 2006

Message to the Beat Makers

Why haste thou deemed that it is good to have sirens as part of thy beat?

1.) Sirens are not pleasing to the ear.
2.) It makes me slow down when I am driving as I constantly think I am being pulled over.
3.) The last thing I want to think about when I am having a good time is the police.
4.) ITS CHEATING!! It is a cheap way to get adrenaline flowing - I mean come on at least try to pump me up with out scaring me...don't you have any real skills? You have to resort to this Pavlov's dog bullshit..

Bizzzio Von Sniffensnatch