Friday, September 28, 2007

Things I Have Been Poundering

1.) Can a person who grows up poor ever be a true idealist? I have never met one...

2.) When we go to a cashless society how will that effect people who pan handle for money?

3.) What will crime look like in a cashless society? Will it increase or decrease?

4.) Will drug trafficking move to the barter system if no one uses cash anymore? What would I barter?

5.) Who will be on my death pool for next year?

6.) How come some sports make it in some cultures and some don't? Why is football so much bigger then rugby in the U.S? Or racquetball considered more masculine then tennis? I would love to do a matrix one day of every sport and where it is played and where it isn't and analyze why and what that says about the culture but for now I will just keep it to ideas in my head.

7.) How different would the world be and civilization if we lacked the natural resources on this planet to make metal or concrete? How would we travel? What would our transportation look like? Our homes?

Have a great weekend:)


Today is a beautiful day in the city of Minneapolis and I am eagerly waiting the arrival of a happy hour. Sitting outside on a patio in the early Autumn heat smoking a cigarette and tipping back a drink with my co-workers.

In other news is Critical Mass and truthfully while I can appreciate the movement the last thing I want on Friday is sitting in a traffic jam caused by some punk little shit kid who has no idea what life is all about.

Internet cut in Myanmar This type of control to cut off all aspects of information flowing in and out of a place not to mention manipulating data before it reaches it source is one of my primary concerns for City and State wi-fi control. Minneapolis has approved and is implementing City Wide Wi-Fi with access points controlled by the government.

Are Sacred Texts Sacred? the Challenge for Atheists.... "In many respects the bible was the first version of wikipeda." And where I publish as a scholar wikipeda is not a legitimate source

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Creativity......In Business

We need to get creative people....think like THIS :)

Profits equal to selling cocaine but it is legal...well kind of.

Am I Dreaming?

I am on my third day of almost no know the day when you start to hear stuff wierd and you mind plays tricks on you. The day where your life starts to become a dream and you don't know what is real.

I have this ticking clock over me....a bomb that is going to blow-up my life and it is coming down to the wire and I made peace with it this morning and I feel better.

And there(they'er) all made of ticky tacky and they all look just the same

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Random Stuff

I think I am in love. Two Female ninjas rob store....

Went and saw buckets and tap not something I would normally do but they put on an awesome show down at the Lowry Theater....just what the doctor ordered some mindless entertainment to quell the brain waves. If you are around when they come visit your city I would highly recommend checking out some of Minneapolis's finest.

Weeds got wrapped up a little to neatly last night:(

Chuck....was not that good.(That is what passes for smart dialog? People who said that must not have cable)

That is all...

Monday, September 24, 2007

Stress Equations

I have come up with a simple formula to calculate stress. In essence it is the amount of expectations expected of you divided by your capacity to meet them.

Right now I am running severely negative.

So if I could get everybody to lower their expectations and someone to nominate me for a Nobel prize I will go on my merry way.


My cup has overflowed
I think I need to put a hole in it
Right at the top.

So I am exploring alternative career opportunities.

So far I have bus route planner and timer, A-list actor, parachute tester or dildo model.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Five Predictions for My Life Time

In my life time over the next 50 years if we remain on our current course I predict the following events will occur....

1.) The United States Becomes the Christian Version of Iran
How? The economy collapses causing people to fall back on religion this surge in religion forces out ground breaking research on genetics, bio-chemistry, robotics and computer science in a return to simpler times. The dogma snowballs as scientists leave and people become more fanatical causing further economic ruin.....welcome to the new dark ages.

2.) News Papers, Books, Cd's, DVDs and their brick and mortar selling points will disappear in favor of e-versions.
How? Refresh rates on e-book readers will reach clarity with books, online music will consume the industry and you will download the movies you want to rent as soon as wi-fi blankets the country. (Although I admit there will be second hand niche markets still around but they will be on par with antique shops rather then the Borders you see now)
Remember at some point in history someone said, "I just like my granite engraved slabs better, you can get them wet, they don't fade and they make nice decorations around the house....I will never use paper!."

3.) The government will cap CEO earnings at some times the rate of the lowest employee. This will lead to smaller organization with more highly skilled workers and widen the gap of the haves and have nots.

4.) Mexico and Canada will reach parity with the United States and we will form a North America coalition similar to the European Union.

5.) We will still be in Iraq as we are still in Korea
For some perspective as of this morning the cost of the war in Iraq was $424,551,825,458 Billion Dollars that is enough to buy every American with a Drivers License a $25,000 fuel cell car and still have $80 Billion dollars for research on alternative energy. (We wouldn't have to fight for oil)
It is enough to fund every proposal and grant requested for stem cell research and still pay Health Care for the entire country.

Instead of a War we could have solved the Health Care System, Sent Everyone to College, solved our Energy Crisis, Cured Disease been a leader in Bio-Chemistry in the World. Instead we can settle for images of our flag being spit on in every corner of the Globe.


"They are not going to change the one dollar bill because it is not worth it to counterfeiters to try to make it." -AA

Bullshit people will counterfeit everything they can. They are crafty. People counterfeit stamps that are only a fraction of a dollar. I have heard of people who go to Archievers and buy punch outs and stamps to get free car washes, get into clubs without paying cover, get out of paying tabs for your car. It is amazing what you can do with a sticker and sharpie.

I am almost positive that there is even a black market for subway stamps.

Everytime a company or the goverment creates a barrier, incentive, fee or charges a preimum they will also create a black market.

Take that and shove it in your knock-off Kate Spade bag and take it to the bank and see if they will cash it...

The whole world runs on trust and sorry hun you just don't have the face for it..

If you want to fool your classmates with a great authentic looking PH or degree then go online to find a fake college diploma. You can find fake diplomas or any type of  high school diploma.

Thursday, September 20, 2007


I remember running in my first real race. I was so confident, I had always done well in competitions at my school and thought I would be the one on the commercial breaking the tape at the finish line. I was a winner.

Somewhere during the race I realized something was wrong. I was running as fast as I could and people were passing me effortlessly. Soon I was in the bottom 25% watching the mass ahead of me enlarge their difference. I remember the despair I felt in that moment, the humiliation. I had tears streaming down my face masked by the sweat, wondering how my champion image could be so wrong.

If this was a made for TV movie this is where I would tell you how hard I trained for the next one, the struggle to best my opponents, obstacles overcome, my mentor shouting to keep going and try harder.

But my life is not a made for TV movie and I never raced again.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


In memory of Jami Marks who would have turned 30 years old today.

Your friends still miss you.

I will never forget you, Sadie Hawkins, Homecomings, Snowball, smoking in the rose garden, the red Geo, your laugh, the balms you made, concerts at first ave and the talks shared.

Happy Birthday My Dear Friend

Being Different

The birch tree thought it was really cool for millions of years. Strikingly different from all the other trees...that is until someone realized that it is really soft wood and can easily be cut down, made into paper, canoes, beer....Now I bet it wishes it was like all the other trees plain and unassuming.

Oh Birch tree with no where in the forest to hide....this tear is for you.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Name that City

Driving back from Madison this weekend I found myself pondering the naming of cities.

I wondered what I would name a city if given the chance.

I wouldn't want to name it after myself even as narcissistic as I am I would still feel conflicted about it.

I settled on "Ayo" Kind of hip, short, it is also vague in its meaning so it might not go out of style.

What would you name your city? Why?

Monday, September 17, 2007

God's Day in Court

God gets hit with a lawsuit.

Updated Hands

Rabbit, Cat, Lettuce is now going to replace paper, scissors, rock in my home. I think it is just time to update this game and make it a teaching tool. Plus you can exercise new mussels in your hands.

Plus lets face it, the only thing in the old version that made sense anyway was scissors beats paper.

Cat Eats Rabbit

Rabbit Eats Lettuce

Lettuce Covers Cat

I am still practicing for the 2008 season let me know if you want in sign up is coming soon.

Come Fly the Conservative Sky

I love this line by Lynda White in defense of Southwest Airlines refusing to let a woman in a halter top board,

"If you wear provocative clothing, tattoos, or you smell of alcohol or cigarettes, who's going to believe you?"

So looking sexy, smoking, having a tattoo or smelling like booze also makes you a liar....who knew?

Just for that I am not going to put a napkin in my lap all weekend...what do you think of that Lynda?....(Sorry couldn't think of anything better then that for manners)

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Failed State?

I might be the only geek alive who is actually watching the testimony of Petraeus on the situation in Iraq. I find two things about this incredibly amusing...

1.) I tell you to lower the amount of money in your checking account. At the time your balance is $100,000.000 you then deposit $40,000.00 in your checking account and withdrawal $30,000.00. Did you lower your checking checking account balance? No you actually have more money in it then when I asked and you take credit for a withdrawal....politics you have to love it.

2.) The notion that we can't leave Iraq a failed state. If history tells us anything you sure as hell can. After the British, French left ______(Insert African Country Here) 90% of the states failed and we didn't blink and eye. If the British leave northern Ireland will the terrorists get stronger or stop? Did India fall to pieces after the occupation left? Where are they now? We are in a battle of sunk costs and losing it is time to say sorry and move on.

Coach Johnson

I have been coaching people on how to get into Mensa and the Ivy's by raising their IQ and SAT scores...some people call it cheating. I call it learning how to work the system. I was going to post my method here on how to detect patterns in numbers and pictures without being Einstein but it involves a lot of pictures so maybe I will post it at a later date....

In the mean time if you, your kids need help or you want to rock at cocktail parties give me a holler and I am here for you..

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Last Nights Nightmare

I woke up out of a nightmare....the same nightmare 6 times last night and every time I went back to bed I went right back into it only it was worse. The last time I woke up in a complete sweat that soaked through the sheets I might have even been screaming in my sleep.

I opened a door and I was in a building it was a school but I had never been there before. It was dark and I knew I was not supposed to be there. The door locked behind me and I started running down the hall to the other side to get out all the time feeling like something was behind me. I got out and ran across this field and I was being chased. I ran into another building and then I ran through the other building and to a door but when i walked through door I was back to the first door. Each time I ran this course there were more obstacles, the building became more complex, the field in between longer and there were more people and things chasing me. Every time I got to the last door they were on me. The dogs were biting me, people were slashing was pretty terrifying...

I Made a Picture for You

I made a picture for you
Textured with vomit
Splattered with blood
Drizzled in sweat
Splashed with tears

I made a picture for you
Covered in feces
Stained with urine
Accented with spunk

I made a picture for you
With a hole punched in it
Burned by a fire
Torn down the middle

Spit on, walked on
Squatted on by a thousand
Diseased whores

I made a picture for you
So you could remember my life
Just the way you left it.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Slippery Slope of 9/11After Math

Patriotic Nationalist x
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> e
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> n
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> o
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> P
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> H
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> o
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> b
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> i
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> a

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> H
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> A
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> T
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> E

Hippie Smell Revealed

I have a newly formed theory on why hippies smell so bad and look disheveled. I believe this is because of the enormous time it takes to protest, boycott and share ideas. You have to make posters, organize, give speeches, make fliers, contacts and then there is all of the sitting around chanting and singing. All of this comes at the expense of showers, teeth brushing, hair cuts etc.

Then there is the downward spiral do you stay at the protest? or go to work to pay your bills? You don't want to be half a hippie so they cut off your water and electricity now you can't curl your hair or shower even if you wanted now you have to protest against the energy giants which will require even more time and energy and before you know it you are on the streets you smell bad and no one will listen to you because you look crazy.

All of this can be avoided and solved with my new seminar, "Time Management for Hippies"

Only $149.00 per person on pay pal order now this is a limited blog offering only.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Everything I Know About Women


For You....

In response to needing to find religion to be happy....

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point then the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one."
- George Bernard Shaw

In reaction to Brittany Spears..

It is time for you to start working at are finished, bring me my wings and a side salad..

In reaction to the drop in temperature here...

I love it...there is nothing like finding yourself in the arms of a woman under a hundred blankets when it is that cold at I regret throwing the chamber pot out.

In response to Red Bull..

I think you give me poisoning when I drink you in abundance mixed with the water goodness of Vodka..right now I can't prove it but I am so coming for you.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Question of the Weekend....

The set up

You are a truck driver. You are carrying a load of highly flammable liquid when you realize that your truck is accelerating and your brakes don't work. You crash through a guard rail and are headed towards a large cities natural gas supply. If you hit the gas depot the whole city will blow-up killing millions of people. You need to crash the truck before you hit the gas depot.

There are six buildings between you and the gas depot. You must crash into one of them to save the town. You are going to fast to serve and avoid them all. If you jack knife the truck you will blow up all six buildings but if you hit any one head on you will only kill the people in that building.

Each building has 2500 people in it.

Building one: Red Cross Relief Center: Housing families misplaced by the civil war in Africa's Sudan. Many people are leg less due to landmines and extremely poor.

Building Two: School for special needs children. Almost all of the children have severe mental and physical disabilities.

Building Three: Half way house for recovering drug addicts.

Building Four: Minimum Security Prison for Women

Building Five: Church with an extremely devote following of Christians.

Building Six: Nursing Home with a small research center doing ground breaking work on dementia. There are only 5 researchers on site at the time.

What building do you crash into and why?

If you had to rank the buildings 1-6 what would be your order? Why?

I love questions and how they make us challenge assumptions and values. I will post my answer to these questions on Monday morning. Love to see what you all have to say in the mean time...

Have a great weekend:)

Unfinished Clips

You and Me

Came to me
Like a snipped
Of a dream
Part of a movie
I wasn't old
Enough to see
Blacked out
Shut off
Ushered away

Walk Inside

I walk up and down the rolling hills in a bi-pedal version of a roller coaster. The tall grass singing in the night wind. The moon peaks out of dark clouds, like an eye with fingers in front of it, scared at what it might see. I create an orb of lifelessness around me as the animals scurry in all directions in a radius of fear. They will return when I am all done to pick the part of me you know off of my bones, so my outside matches my inside.

Your Crazy...Wait What

If I came up to you on the street and said, "we are in some serious shit, see in the begining of time this guy ate this magical apple and doomed all of mankind to sin and the only way we can undo this eating is to murder this guy call Jesus. I have this book that even proves it."

What would you say to me?

What if I told you all you have to do was believe in this story and you would live forever in bliss?

Why do so many people believe this story? I personally have heard much better...

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Other People Said It Today

Here is a great article Called, "Is There Anything Good About Men", by Roy F. Baumeister. This is a long article but if you are into Feminism, Gender Rights, Evolution or a Man. This is a great article and worth the read.

Plus Ultra turned me on to this Graphic Designer and I just love his work political and sexy.

Terri has given me room to explore my inner Diva today by granting my Rockin' Girl Blogger Award! If you haven't checked out her blog do it. She is the complete package Warm, Smart, Funny and even though she is married I can still say it fricking hot. So thanks for the award and giving me this day where I don't have to fret about my moobs but can proudly put them on display for all of you to rub...

Since I know so many girls who are rocking bloggers I am going to pass this award to the first four people who send me something dirty they would love to do with me if they have me for the weekend....

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Some Perspective on Assimilation

1850-1930 Saw a large influx of immigrants into this country. They were Irish, Greek, Italian etc. The population of immigrants that was already here shunned them as isolationist who refused to learn English and adapt to "American" customs and traditions. They were oppressed and brutalized. They lived in specific areas named after their home lands. Little Italy, Little Odessa, China Town. They are now part of the American Icon. Can you imagine a town without an Italian restaurant? Pizza shop? Chinese buffet? At one time these where thought to be products of immigrant devils sent to undermine our great country.

I was overhearing a conversation yesterday about Somali's in Minneapolis. (We have a large Somali refugee population in the Minneapolis) The talk was rather racist and I would not wish to repeat it, if I was a better man I would have intervened.

But at least I can speak on the defense of the Somali's in some fashion. Assimilation is a generational concept. The first wave of immigrants is always going to face oppression because of language barriers to job entry, community events etc. But their children will go to school learn English, make friends, learn customs and form a hybrid culture and branch out into the community. Eventually generation after generation those branch's grow, take root and one day there may be a Somali restaurant in every city. This is a good thing. It enriches us all gives us different perspective. It just takes time.....I hope we are able to give them the generations of time they need to make this home....just like someone gave us.

Think about that next time you order pizza.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Something They Don't Teach You in School

1.)If you can feel the heat of your own fart...don't try to hold it find a bath room immediately.

2.) A plate of 20 fire wings can lead directly to number 1...or 2 depending on how you read this.

3.)How to my inner city school we learned line dancing and square dancing in gym class because there is "less touching".

4.)Self defense. Shouldn't this be taught in schools? Help kids defend themselves, fight off attackers, bullies, animals that hide under their beds?

I saw a bunch of kids going back to school this morning and with the sight of them I got a little nervous about our collective future..then I realized that many years ago someone thought that about me. Then I became puzzled when thinking about who proved who wrong.