Friday, July 31, 2009

WJPT (Would Jesus Pay Taxes?)

Would Jesus pay taxes? If he didn't hate the tax collector what would he want a pool of money collected from everyone to go towards? Maybe making sure everyone who was sick could see a doctor? Perhaps making sure the hungry and unfortunate were taken care of?

Does anyone else think it would be comical if it wasn't so sad that Welfare and Health care (next to abortion) are two of the most opposed agenda items targeted by the religious right?

I wonder along these lines if Jesus would be a Republican? I think he would probably be a socialist and I bet that would piss allot of people off...

I had a Republican friend counter the argument on Welfare with the Proverb, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach him how to fish and he will eat for a life time."

I had a good laugh at this one since tuition is rising, scholarships are being cut so the whole teaching people how to fish thing is not really in their agenda either.

I also asked him to show me where in the bible that quote was....(I always laugh when you ask for the proof when people are trying to prove things using the bible)

The truth is this is a Chinese Proverb attributed to Lao Tzu the founder of Taoism.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

It All Comes Down to This Moment

Tonight: 6:50 PM
Location: Basset Creek Vally Park - North Minneapolis - Field Number 3
What: First Round of Post Season Kickball

Who: Redballs are Better then Blue Balls ((Us) 5-1)) vs Kick Ballers ((Them 3-3))(They are on a stronger strengh of season then us)

Lets get at um boys and's kick ball time.

Repersenting for Cuzzy's w/ Drinks afterwards.

Holla @ your boy #9 Bizzio Von Rippensnatch


No I do not want to buy Act Popcorn, Magazines Subscriptions, Candy bars, Girl Scout Cookies, Wrapping Paper, Donations to Save the Wales or Contribute to your political cause when I am at home. I get enough of this shit at work, I don't need you interrupting my dinner at home too. I have this magical thing in my house called the internet that lets me do all of these things without getting off the couch to open the door for you and lie right to your face when I really want to tell you to just fuckoff.

I tried posting the following sign on my door but then realized I might have gone a little too far

"By knocking on this door you are consenting to being held against your will for in indeterminable time frame in my basement while your systematically beaten and tortured"

So instead I opted for Office Max Version that just says "No Soliciting"

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Threes Company

I can't shake the feeling that the expression third times the charm was derived from the story of Goldie Locks and the three bears although it might not make since in the original version after she eats the perfect bowl of pourage and finds the perfect bed she is ripped apart by the three bears.

Moral of the story don't stick around in a crime scene longer than absolutely necessary.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Rewinding People

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

If you ever doubt that we are creatures of habit stop rotating your tires.

Your day to day routine begins to show up. The path you take to work everyday. The same right, right, right, left turns burned into a pattern of you across the top side of your Michelin grippers.

You can look at a persons tires, the type, how they maintain them, etc. you can and almost rewind the last 60,000 miles of their life.

I love looking at peoples bodies the same way. The calluses, the wrinkles, the muscle tone, the fat deposits, the ticks, the eyes, the movement. I like to look at them and rewind their life in my head. The life that lead them to appear in front of me at a given moment.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Weekend ReCap


Came home to find out the washing machine is broke and the part I need is on three week back order..F$#*$

Got my drink on @ Home while dog sitting.

Worked a little


Mowed, Trimmed the bushes, edged, went to Target and the Farmers Market

Walked the Dog around the lake.

Decided to go see who was @ one was there had a quick drink

Went to Frenchmans to see if anyone was around. No one I knew, so I had a quick drink and walked outside to my car. I noticed something dripping from my window and on closer inspection was all over my front seat. That is right in the 30 minutes I was inside someone threw up in my open window all over my driver seat. I am guessing it was someone who was part of a bachelor party that showed up on a bus there. FQ$@QE!!

Was home by 10:00 pretty crabby and had a few cocktails at home.


Woke up and went to the laundry mat. I almost forgot how fun the laundry mat can be...if you have never gone to one you should try it especially an all night one.

Washed my car, Washed it again.

Shampooed the house.

Dog Park.

My love returned and we went to Pepitos to Celebrate:)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sunday Service Interruption

Sunday Service Interruption

I thought in this country that perpetrating a fraud against the public for financial gain was illegal.

Maybe one day I will see the Pope sitting in the cell next to Madoff and Petters.

After all everything they were imprisoned for selling was just as fictious as what he is selling.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Where is a Stake When You Need It?

"If you build a man a fire you will keep him warm for this night, If you set a man on fire you will keep him warm for the rest of his life."

I have a growing list of people I would like to extend my most sincere offer to keep you warm for the rest of your life.

I would chop down every tree in the great northwest to build a fire worthy of how much I hate you.

I would march all of your lazy, lying, victim, martyr, trashy, zealot, begging, two-faced ugly asses right into the middle of it.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program.......

Friday, July 24, 2009

Caddy Bat

As I was watching a little golf on TV I started to speculate what other sports would be like if everyone had a personal caddy follow them around.

But I guess every sport really does have a caddy. Bat boy would be a baseball caddy? Waterboy a football caddy?

I wonder if there is a market for professional bowling caddy's?


Thursday, July 23, 2009


The day after the 4th of July the city of Minneapolis took to the airwaves declaring that the pollution level of the city was so toxic with the smoke\debris from the previous nights fireworks that all people with breathing sensitivity should refrain from any exertion out doors. outdoors....

The outside was so polluted with particles and smoke that it was dangerous to breathe. I wonder why there were no health alarmists looking to ban fire works due to the possible harm from second hand smoke? I have never hear of a bar opening its doors and an entire city told to stay inside.

A lot of people were made to suffer, some of them who don't even celebrate the fourth of July. Only this was worse...they couldn't even choose to not go to the bar and be around smoke they were told that they have to stay indoors.

I also haven't heard them wanting to enact bans on bus stops, traffic lights, stores and business that are less then 25 feet away from the street. After all isn't that person sitting next to all of that carbon monoxide coming from cars worth saving...maybe a little more then the person choosing to go to a bar and drink all day?

Article from the Star Tribune

Twin Cities air quality befouled by fireworks

Particle pollution in the Twin Cities was elevated Sunday because of Saturday night's fireworks all over the metro area, the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency said Sunday.

Last update: July 5, 2009 - 8:30 PM
The fireworks were fun, but they came at a price.
Particle pollution in the Twin Cities was elevated Sunday because of Saturday night's fireworks all over the metro area, the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency said Sunday.

The agency issued an "orange" notification after light winds failed to disperse the pollutants that lingered after the celebratory fanfare and fumes. People with asthma and other health problems, as well as elderly people, were advised to stay indoors, and everyone was urged to avoid prolonged outside exertion.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Healthcare Debate

So instead of a government subsidy that would allow abortion to be included - There logic is that taxpayers should not have to foot the bill for abortions but tax payers should instead pick up the tab for subsidizing unwanted children?

Abortion = $500

Subsidizing a child for 18 years =$180,000.00

I thought republicans were supposed to be financially responsible?

The below is an article from Today's CNN

Anti-abortion congressmen take on health care legislationStory Highlights
Group vows to fight any bill that fails to exclude abortions from scope of benefits

Group cites court rulings requiring Medicaid to cover abortions absent legislation

Exclusion amendments have been struck down in two committees, group says

NARAL spokesman: "Health care bills don't reference abortion at all"
updated 54 minutes agoNext Article in Politics »

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The contentious health care reform debate intensified Wednesday as a bipartisan group of congressmen opposed to abortion pledged to fight any bill that fails to exclude the procedure from the scope of government-defined benefits.

Without an exclusion, said Rep. Bart Stupak, D-Michigan, "more than 200 individual laws" would be at risk.

"This issue is not about party politics. It's not about obstructionism. It is about saving lives and protecting pro-life Americans across the country," Rep. Joe Pitts, R-Pennsylvania, said.

"American taxpayers should not be forced to pay for abortion. Nor should they be forced to be unwitting participants as the abortion industry uses [the health care debate] to mainstream the destruction of human life into America's health care industry."

The group argued that, under the current version of the House Democratic leadership's bill, most Americans ultimately would be forced to participate in a plan that covers abortion services. They complained that amendments specifying the exclusion of abortion mandates and subsidies had already been rejected by two of the three House committees handling health care legislation.

"Without an explicit exclusion, abortion will [eventually] be determined to be included in [the] benefits standards" by either Congress or the courts, Pitts predicted. He cited the example of Medicaid, which federal courts ruled had to cover abortion services until Congress passed legislation stating otherwise.

Rep. Bart Stupak, D-Michigan, warned that any comprehensive federal health care law would pre-empt individual state decisions regarding abortion services

Don't Miss
Source: Some Democrats frustrated with health bill
"By making abortion an essential benefit and requiring that provider networks' enrollees have access to the items and services covered, this legislation would negate more than 200 individual laws in nearly every state that have stood the test of time and the scrutiny of the courts," he claimed.

Abortion rights advocates brushed aside the legislators' concerns, asserting that the issue of whether or not to cover abortion services would, in the end, still be decided by individual providers.

"Reps. Stupak and Pitts are obsessed with abortion, even though the health care bills don't reference abortion at all," said Ted Miller, a spokesman for the National Abortion Rights Action League.

"At the end of the day, we expect that the plans will decide what services to cover -- just like they do now."

Persistence is the Secret

The wildly popular book The Secret is a sugar coated fallacy that over looked by the reader.

For example the logic goes that if you believe, visualize and have a positive attitude that you are going to win the lottery you increase your chance of winning the lottery. Or for example if you do the same thing about your career prospects and money you will eventually get the outcome you want through the magic of universal good will. While this statement is technically true it is not true for the reason stated.

The more times you play the lottery the greater your chances of winning become.

The more interviews you go on the greater your chances of being hired and so on.

It is a mathematical outcome based on number of attempts divided by the number of possible outcomes. The more attempts the greater the chance of a chosen outcome.

While someone might say that a person with a positive attitude will take more attempts, so it is a positive attitude that equals success, is missing the underlying logic and misleading the reader.

While that statement might be seem plausible. A person with a cynical attitude that take the same number of attempts will in general get the same outcome as a universally open person.

If you want to teach someone how to succeed you should be telling them that persistence is the key to success.

But I suppose that a book that only has one sentence that says try, try, try again is probably not going to sell many copies, but in my opinion it beats sitting around thinking good thoughts alone are going to change anything.

My book called Brians Secret > Try > Modify > Repeat>

Try, learn from what went wrong, make adjustments, try again. I am going to start having seminars around the country charging $1000.00 per day but you got it right here first for free.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dream Job

So I went home for lunch and as I was sitting out sit with the dog eating some lunch. I noticed a crew cab pull up on the corner a guy got out and lit up a smoke and walked at a nice leisurely pace up and down the street looking up at the trees. When he walked by me I noticed the back of his shirt said tree inspector.

He walked nice and slowly back to his crew cab got a can of orange spray paint and made a ring around a tree. Got back in his truck and read for a bit and then went on down the street to do it all over again.

I thought that was awesome. I always assumed you had to take a sample, test them and that some advanced biology degree was required to be tree inspector but I guess not.

He seemed totally at peace. Plus I bet he gets a little cash on the side from the crew that comes to cut them down for marking a few extra ones.

I wonder if he could bring his dog along with him if he wanted to?

This definitely is something worth looking into.

I thought about getting a can of orange spray paint and practicing putting rings around all of the trees in out neighborhood but somehow I think the neighbors would get kind of pissed. Maybe I will put an orange ring around their cars and see if someone comes and cuts them in half?

I wonder if I sell tee shirts with an orange ring around them if someone would buy them. There has to be some kind of political statement in that?

If I ever go into hospice care I am going to wear a tee-shirt with an orange stripe around it.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Weekend ReCap


Went to a summer celebration party @ a friends Condo downtown. Ironically this summer party occurred on one of the coldest July 17th dates in history, but we keep it hot none the less.

P.S Sorry for anything the Sailor Jerry forced me into doing/


Dog Park

Boat Cruise on the St. Croix for New York Life kick off party. I was pleasantly surprise how fun this turned out to be.

Went to the Local and had a blast how many big gingers can one man drink.

PS great to see you MB and AH :)


Woke up went back downtown and had one of the best bloody mary's of my life.
I am not going to lie I am totally going to steal your recipe.

Went to Punch Pizza for lunch.

Went to the dog park

Went to our last class of dog obedience class and yes Bentley passed all his tests with flying colors:)

Celebrated with some cocktails and Twins baseball at the house.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Melting Away

Very quietly I have lost 18 pounds in the last 3 months.

With just a few simple tweaks.

I have been eating salads for lunch every day. No fast food, no meat, just vegtables, latley bought at the farmers market.

I switched my mixer to Crystal light.

Tons of ice water throughout the day.

Twice a day I walk up and down the stairs at my office.

Nuts and popcorn instead of chips.

Walking the dog two times a day definiatly has it's plus side.

Ten more pounds to go by November first :)

Friday, July 17, 2009

Not immediately available for comment.

Not immediately available for comment.

I have always had a problem with this line in a news story. I wish they were more specific about the efforts they went through to get the comment cause there is a lot of wiggle room in not immediately available.

I think journalist should have to explicitly state what they did.

I called his house and he did not pick up on the first ring so I immediately ran the one sided story.

I left him a voice mail, went to pee and saw that I had no returned calls so I immediately ran the one sided story.

I left five messages over the course of two hours...

I knocked three times on his door every hour for three days etc...

I would like to know specifically what you did to give the person a chance to respond to allegations before you printed their name.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


I was sitting at the counter and I was asked my birth date as I have been millions of times in my life...and I drew a blank!! I had to think about it really hard for a second and then I remembered as I was going to get my wallet out. Fried....I guess.

Here are a few firsts that I do remember..

1st time someone told me I should be wearing deodorant - Music class: Field Elementary School: Grade 4: We were doing this African Dance thing that is kind of like jump rope where two people click long poles together and one dances in the middle. Well I must have been been one dancing fool because after the class the music teacher pulled me aside and told me to invest in deodorant. That's right up until the next morning when I stole some from IGA I was the stinky kid and didn't even know it.

1st time taking a shower - Grandmas house 4th grade also: Up until I went to live with my grandma we only had a tub in our house so I had never showered. Anytime you wanted to get clean you took a bath, probably contributed to me being the stinky kid. I got super dirty doing something and when I came in the shower was running and my grandma told me to get in. I can remember her shutting the door getting undressed and looking at the shower running for quite some time before I manage to get in and when I did I thought it was the most fantastic thing in the world. I have never taken a bath since.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

String Theory

The distance across the cosmos is the space between my ears.

My Name Is Brian Johnson

I am a string theory
A worm hole that bridges the past to the future
I am a culmination of time past that never ceases
I am potential for time not yet realized that is expanding and contracting at the same time
I am further down the hole then when I started typing this
Yet I am bring more substance
I am multidimentional
I am the unified theory
I just didn't know it until now

There are people who won't understand these words
But don't worry

My mind is the string
Just like yours is...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Clean-Up on Aisle 6

Something about peer groups.

There are lots of groups of shoppers
For example group A goes up and down every Aisle regardless if there is something in the aisle they need.
Group B just sticks to the outer ring of the store getting just fresh produce, meat etc.
Group C just goes in for one item and gets out.
Group D sticks to the list.

Depending what group you are you tend to travel through the store with people of the same group who arrived just before or just after you. You might never see someone in your same group who arrived a the store say twenty minutes after you.

You might interact with people from other groups as you bump into them at the end of the Aisles but usually you are so consumed by your predetermined routine you just keep moving in your groups herd until the entire event is finalized.

Your entire life predetermined by your predisposition to belong to one type group or the next and the random chance of being surrounded by people due to nothing other then timing and random set of events that let you to start your shopping at that moment.

That is life..unless....something fucks up... You missed something in your cart. You broke a bottle. You saw a deal and got off the track. Suddenly you are with and entirely new set of your group or you are bee lining it back to get something and you become part of a whole new group. A group with different people with different attitudes. A group that makes you think about shopping differently.

Then you see a bigger picture. Once you know something can be different then what it is there is this stretching of the mind.

I can see the panoramic better.

This is probably just mumbo jumbo but there is something to the random collimation of events and the predisposition of life that can be bent...and altered with just the awareness that it exists.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Weekend ReCap


Alfie back to the vet for a kidney re-evaluation

Mojitos in the backyard with fresh mint from our herb garden:) Yum

Dog Park

Some cleaning - Vaccuming, Laundry, Sheets


Farmers Market

Read: The Ascent of Money by Niall Ferguson - Great history book for anybody in Finance or jusy wanting to understand the Global economy and its roots.

Brits for some pre-game cocktails

Twins Game ...dam if they would have come back that would have been awesome.



Tailgate for a little lunch.



Friday, July 10, 2009


Brian News Network

Our kickball team pulled our record up to 3-1 after our team Repersenting Cuzzys "Pink Balls Are Better The Blue Balls" beat "Sneaky Petes - Sneaky Pitchers" Last night in a hotly contested 3-2 win at Basset Creek.

It is Friday and I am remarkably tired. I guess that is what no coffee in the morning will do to you.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Life Is....?

I had a teacher tell me that how you answer that question will determine the outcome of your life.

For example Life is a bitch then you die. Chances are a person who says this will have a tough life and then die.

Life is a box of choclates
Life is a party
Life is not fair

Life is......?

How do I want to answer this question? It has been 10 years since I heard that teachers voice and I still remember it and I am still looking for an answer.

How do answer this question?

Life is......?

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

For Everyone Who Loves Minnesota

For everyone who loves Minnesota here is a book you have to check out.

Susan Marks has done an incredible job of assembling some remarkable photos of our great state. It is a time capsule reminding us of the beautiful past that leads up to the remarkable present of our great state.

Some of my personal highlights are the reminder that the now abandon Armory building used to house the Minnesota Lakers that's right the Minnesota Lakers...before they changed locations we should have made them change the name but that is neither here nor there.

There is some awesome vintage photos of the lakes, the Orpheum, the state fair, the capital and the Met where I went to my first hockey game, but mostly I just love the pictures of all of the people who walked these streets before me and give Minnesota and Minneapolis that vibe that I just love.

So if this is your thing then this is your book check out Historic Photos of Minnesota by Susan Marks.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Positive Five

Five positive things I did this week to help my future get a little brighter.

1.) Upped my 401k 1%

2.) Opened a savings account - granted it will be very small using the current amounts I can tuck away but I figure you have to start some where.

3.) Paid a past due speeding ticket. (Last thing I need is more trouble with the law in the form of bench warrants.)

4.) Set my saving account to work as over draft protection.

5.) Registered for my next round of MBA classes starting in August.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Weekend ReCap


Alfie (our little kitty) was not moving and not drinking water took him into the Vet and apparently his kidneys were shutting down.

Moved Alfie to the emergency vet out in Eden Prairie for 72 hours of fluids and cathitors.


Went to visit Alfie at the vet. was looking and feeling a little better.

Did a ton of chores

Went to the dog park

Got a call from the vet that they don't know what is wrong with Alfie and we should prepare for the worst if his kidney values are not better by tomorrow morning.

Take out from Shiraz and watched a crappy little movie to try to take my mind off of it. He's just not into you. Sucked


Went to visit Alfie and to my great relief he is showign good signs of progress.

Went to the dog park

Grilled out @ Home

Walked over to a friends house for a few beers.

Walked to the Richfield Legion for some fireworks and music.

Stumbled home.


Alfie's kidney levels are back to normal but after seeing the bill mine start to

Bring Alfie home.

Go to Moose Country for $2.75 screwdrivers

Off to the dog park

Watched Taken Thought it was great

Fell asleep knowing every thing I love was safe and in the house and feeling well. It was a good sleep:)

Thursday, July 02, 2009


I am a member of the following rewards clubs for all of you who are interested.

Super America Speedy Rewards - This one is a no brainier you have to get gas why not get a little something back for it now and again.

Roundys Rewards - Hey what can I say I am a Rainbow Foods shopper and you have to eat. 10 for 10 and some free gas you have to be kidding me.

Borders Rewards - This one i am on the fence and don't use it much since I am kind of a library guy but when I do need to buy a book I typically go to Amazon since even if they charge shipping they tend to beat this rewards club program.

Petsmart Pet Perks - With two dogs and two cats who need to eat and pee this is also a winner.

Wells Fargo ATM Advantage - 1 point for every two dollars I use my ATM card for for only $13 dollars I year I make $200 in gift cards just for using my ATM Card instead of checks or cash....which I don't use anyways.

There you go the rewards clubs on my key chain