Monday, April 30, 2007


I posted a key at the top of the key that is key to finding a key.

Mini-Confession #2581

I sometimes ask people where another person I haven't met at a party is from. Then I go up to the person I asked about and start talking to them and ever so gently work into the conversion, "wow great accent you must be from ____". I sometimes even make up that I have been there.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Whats on Brians IPOD?

Some Albums that have been in heavy rotation at the Johnson Residence latley (Most Played Artist List)

James Blunt -
Modest Mouse -
Lily Allen -
Regina Spektor -
The Killers -
David Grey -
Snow PAtrol -
The Bright Eyes -
Nora Jones -
Damien Rice -
Jack Johnson -
Big L -
Johnny Cash -
Wu-Tang -

PS Thanks for all of the votes for best blog in the universe:) I have the best blog friends ever:)

You Can't Say That

Apparently there is a clause that is amended to the first amendment right of free speech that says you can not yell, "fire" in a crowded movie theater. Over the last year this clause has been amended to include the following five things....

1.) I am really pissed and I have a list of you fuckers that are going to get it.

2.) Does anyone know how to get a fake visa or weapons grade plutonium?

3.) So you are only thirteen? Can I come over when your parents leave? (I am not going to lie I love to watch the Dateline shows where these people get busted)

4.) Your my best student can you meet me in the parking lot after class today?

5.) They are a bunch of nappy headed hoes.

Before I launch into a rant... Is this right? Should we not be able to call each other names? Talk about issues of anger and violence? When does something become a crime? As soon as you say it? Or do it? Is possible prevention of crime a reason to give our rights away?

I have a hard time with the singling out of students who have graphic or violent writings as some kind of monsters. Had I been in school a few years back when all of this fear was pouring into our culture I would have been one of the people targeted or kicked out of school. That would have been a bad idea. Writing was my outlet. It was my way to let go of feeling and emotions. Most of the imagery that I used was graphic but it was more metaphoric then it was literate. I am nervous to just place people in boxes because of how they choice to express themselves. This will lead to a watered down society where these outlets will create sub-cultures that will become more dangerous then if we accept these difference and embrace them in the mainstream culture. It creates a division of difference and will isolate people having these feelings and place them in an us verse them scenario that will only fulfill the thought that they are alone and have no one...they are not normal. I was truly blessed through some of the hardest times in my life that I had some wonderful teachers who didn't turn me into the police but helped me channel all my energy and passion into a positive force.

I also have a hard time with the we shouldn't say anything that offends people or mocks them in a no flattering light. Please grow up and fuck off....

Friday, April 27, 2007

Best Blog of All Time?

In a narcissistic rage fueled by ego and blind passion I have nominated myself for Best Blog of All Time.

I have clicked through enough to know that there is piles of crap out there..... (If you are not linked to my site chances are yours is a pile too....unless you vote for me then I will retrack that comment and link you and give you mad props)

My site was nominated for Best Blog of All Time!

Help a brother feel good about goal is at least 10 votes..I have to have at least ten people in my life who will take pity on

Weekend Words of Wisdom

Got this in one of those email forwards so I don't know the source or if this is authentic but since they made me chuckle I thought I would pass them on.

Five Dollars to who ever can make the best story from one of these....

Top 50 Headlines of 2006

1.Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert says
2.Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3.Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4.Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5.Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6.Farmer Bill Dies in House
7.Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8.British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
9.Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
10.Eye Drops off Shelf
11.Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
12.Reagan Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead
13.Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
14.Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
15.Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
16.Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
17.Miners Refuse to Work After Death
18.Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
19.Stolen Painting Found By Tree
20.Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
21.Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
22.Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
23.Drunken Driver Pays $1,000 in '84
24.War Dims Hope for Peace
25.If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
26.Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
27.Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide
28.Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
29.Deer Kill 17,000
30.Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
31.Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charges
32.New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
33.Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
34.Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
35.Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping the Needy
36.Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
37.British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
38.Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
39.Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
40.Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
41.New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
42.Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
43.Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
44.Air Head Fired
45.Steals Clock, Faces Time
46.Old School Pillars Are Replaced By Alumni
47.Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
48.Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
49.Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
50.Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Blogspot Feature that I Really Miss

I miss the ability to go into my profile and click on a book or anything I listed as an interest that I enjoy and have it bring up a list of other bloggers who enjoy that same book or whatever. You remember when it used to do that?

I know there is a lot of other ways to search but it was just so simple and easy and I miss it.

I am Sorry?

I'm sorry

But in a selfish prick kind of way. I noticed something about myself in the reason and way that I apologize to people for things that I have done. I noticed that when I apologize I do so mainly because of guilt that I am feeling rather then because I am being empathetic to someone else's feelings.

I do something. I feel guilty. I say I am sorry in hopes that someone else will help me feel less guilty.

But this is not an apology, an apology is supposed to show regret for a trespassing to another person, not be made to make ones self feel better about something.

In this sense I don't think I have ever truly apologized for anything in my entire life.....

And for that I am sorry...

Fuck I just did it again....

Are we ever truly sorry?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Contribution to the Body of Knowedge #523

I took a nice long walk yesterday. I had about an hour and a half to kill in between appointments and I thought it would do me some good to get some fresh air and do some thinking, but I couldn't really think so I decided to sit on a park bench and count car colors instead.

Here is the breakdown of car colors that passed the intersection of 56th and Portland Ave between the time of 3:18 pm and 4:18 pm

Red (Includes Maroon) 21
Grey (Includes Silver) 32
Black 30
Green 8
Blue 16
Tan 6
White 24
Yellow 1
Total 143

And Grey was the winner:)

I don't really know who this information will help but it seems like it should be recorded somewhere as an event that happen. It is an event that will never make it into a history book or be talked about or replicated again. It was an event that passes unnoticed everyday and today I happened to witness it and write it down.

With some hope of reminding me that there are events everyday that happen that will never happen again even if they are as mundane as watching someone drive to work or passing a stranger on the street. There is this magic of life that surrounds us everyday. A magic that will never be famous or be taught in a school. It will never be remembered after I die unless I record it. Unless I write it on a wall that someone will discover years from now....

If you are my reader from the future I want you to know, "Today in Minneapolis the sun was shining, it was warm and bright, birds flew over Diamond Lake in huge flocks and were talking with excitement about Spring. 143 cars passed in front of me and I smiled and cried at the same time".

Brian was Here

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Prediction #8751

The next billion dollar rapper will not need to speak any words. They will merely grunt and shout almost unintelligible vulgar sounds over remixed beats. They will have diamonds surgically implanted into there knuckles and will have a solid gold leg that is the result of being shot 26+ times in a drive-by.

I also predict that they will hail from somewhere in the deep south where archaeologist will discover a super ghetto that has long since been forgotten about.

I further more am coining the following phases in anticipation of this find and the diamond knuckle inserts...

"Pling" = Punch with Bling
"Knuckle Rocks"
"Fing" Fist Bling
"Kling" Knuckle Bling

I am also going to use, "Give you a shiner". or "you want a shiner?" in this new context right here on this blog for the first time are witnessing history in the making...

Peeice oouta shawty

This has been a Bizzio Von Bittensnach production all rights reserved

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Difference Between Men and Women #587

Pictures of family on top of the toilet.

I realize that this is an area where men and women differ a little. Now I don't mind looking at something when I pee but there is something weird about looking at pictures of people I know when I do it. (Especially pictures of grandma, sisters and parents)

1.) They are watching me.
2.) It can lead to inappropriate thoughts.
3.)I just don't like it.

Now I know when women sit down it might be comforting to have a cheering section of loved ones who have your back, but please think of us...we have to look them in the face while we carry out our business, so when decorating just stick to something from pier one or pottery barn interesting enough to look at but not get creeped out by.

That is all....

OOO - Till Monday

I am out of town till monday but I thought I would post a few days worth of blogs so if you missed me while I was gone you would have something to read. Don't cheat now and read them all at once.....savor the flavor of brain drippings for this magical sauce is stuff of life....

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Swedish Mafia

Who is to say that there is no Swedish Mafia? Maybe we are too smart to get caught or so smart that how we are cheating the system can't be detected by everybody else.

I got into a bit of a tiff last night as I was told that Swedish people lack the balls neccassary to be tough guys...WTF? You remember the Vikings?

I must admit when I got home to do some research on the subject the first item that came up when I googled Swedish Mafis was a tee-shirt company that is poking fun of IKEA.

I also must admit laughing out load when I reread this the next morning and I used the work tiff in relation to how tough we

But oh well I am sure that there are some pretty bad ass Swedes amoung us who are perfectly capable of carrying on a criminal there...

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Heads I'[m Tails

Heads I’m Tails

Bizzaro world,

Is traffic moving,

In the opposite direction.

It is my minds third shift.

It is the difference between,

Two dimensional thought,

And a three dimensional world.

It is religion,

Full of itself.

Meanings parallel plane,

Devoid of itself.

A line crossed,

Where actions matter,

More then worlds.

An abortion,

in favor of life.

A traffic jam,

Caused by a cow.

A sedative,

In a caffeinated world.

It is independent spontaneous thought,

Learned in a cumulative manner.

Repetitive themes,


As Original Work.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Weekend Words of Wisdom

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go" -T.S. Eliot

"1 of the hardest things in life to learn is which bridge to cross & which bridge to burn."

Saw Blades of Glory Finally and loved it.....

Jimmy: I see you got fat!
Chazz: I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl but not hot.

Jimmy: I call top bunk!
Chazz: No, I already did.
Jimmy: No you didn't
Chazz: Yes I did. In my mind.

Chazz: What ya gonna do with all that junk / all that junk inside my
trunk / I'm gonna get you get you drunk / get you drunk on my lady
hump / My hump. My hump. My lovely lady hump.
Jimmy: I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I
don't even know what that means.
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provacative.

Chazz: How'd it go with your lady? Carve up any ice?...With your weiner?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

In Defense of Graphic Design as an Art Form

I was watching a good friend of mine at work and I was amazed. His craftsmanship and attention to detail in his artistic form was really awe inspiring. It kind of hit me then that Graphic designers are the modern marble sculptures. He is the Raphael of our time. I brought this insight up at lunch and was nearly laughed out of Jimmy Johns.

Artists don't sit in cubicles? (Wait didn't all of the people who chiseled friezes on ancient Romans work like slaves, much like we do today?)

Why aren't there any famous Graphic Designers(Just like painters of the past only the fact that some of the masters works survive did they become famous.)

Computer Generated Work isn't Art Because the computer does the work.(What that is like saying the canvass does the work for the painter).

Just because it is a new medium doesn't mean that it is now high art.

I wonder why so many artist I know are technophobes?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


(This is a chronologically written prequel to a poem in my last book Gagging on the Wishes that will be in my next book Bri-Polar if these injunctions ever lift. Originally written on a bar napkin at Tailgate.)


The sun is a lie today.

As I begin to walk,

I feel the cold,

In my prematurely aged face.

The wind finds every crease,

Next to my tired eyes,

On my two pack a day,

Twenty plus wrinkled face.

Teeth peeling layers of skin,

From chapped lips.

It is a dry cold.

Smells like long dead grass,

Car exhaust.

I haven't had a drink yet.

Enter anxiety.

I feel like an unoiled hinge,


Drawing attention to something old,




In a world of new.

My cold red cheeks,

Mask the embarrassment,

The awkwardness,

The poverty of pocket and providence.

Waiting for this bluff to be called.

Nervous sets in as the tab begins to climb.

Calculations and scenario's,

For payment become confused,

As intoxication sets in.

Blood alcohol equilibrium,

Settles my empty stomach,

For the moment.

Its ok the house payment hasn't cleared yet.

If I die tonight I won't have to deal with any of this,

I think as a crack a joke aloud that lights up,

All of the patrons,

Who unknowingly

Are watching a death march

That just need a little


Chilling Thought

I had a truly chilling thought yesterday after listening to the commentary on NPR Fresh Air. There were two segments one dedicated to the school shooting and one on Bin Laden. For some reason it popped into my head if fundamental terrorists ever want to destroy the evil forces of the west they could blow up the 20,000 schools in our school system both k-12 and college. They would decimate an entire generation of future soldiers not to mention the future educated population of our country.....Thankfully they don't appear to be smart enough or coordinated enough to do this.

Could you imagine the day after such an attack...every child that was in school gone....I know freaky isn't it.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Making a Massacre

I think it is an interesting point that CNN and Fox are making it such a big deal that the student shooter is an alien.

Just a quick question to see what other people think if I am 23 years old and have been an American since I was 5 years old. Am I not just an American? Who is responsible for his upbringing? His creation? Aren't we? Children in other cultures don't really go on shooting sprees....

Joined MyBlogLog

anyone know how this works or use it? Looks kind of cool

PS How do I get to fill out the space on both sides of the template? God I must be an idiot

In the Mold I Make It

(Some remarks I made on poetry for my latest reading)

Mumbled Jumbo

Poetry is words in motion,

Without being in motion.

A parlor trick of space and sound.

It is inside joke,

You are never fully in on.




It is the mystery,

That makes it beautiful.

It is a camera lens that blurs,

Subject until it matches,

Feeling of the subject.

Till you can only make out,



It is a picture of emotion,

To painful to say plainly.

A symbol by syllable,

Explanation of life,

That protects you from meaning.

A picture to painful to tell.

A portrait of a lie,

That runs off three sides of the page,

Displayed in a closet,

You only secretly want opened.

An enjambment of an idea,

That doesn’t fit ,

Into life's pretty hole.




It is a sound bite,

Before there was sound bites.

Love is a many splendid lie.

Words rip apart,

Line by Line.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Where Else Can You Find Me?


Linked IN
If you are on linked in you can add me with the following email address -

Brian Johnson's Facebook profile


MSN Messenger =
Yahoo Messenger = aloneranger1

Big Up's to Spin

There is nothing quite like seeing a "famous" person who thinks that they are entitled to act like a prick sprayed in the face with mace.

I love it:)

Does money entitle us to act like a bunch of jerk-offs?

Am I wrong because I have a have a hard time putting athletes and actors on a pedestal?

Sunday, April 15, 2007

And the answer is.....

Why is Brian so oblivious to all of the problems and decisions he has to make in his life right now?

A.) He is stupid and in denial about the nature of what he is facing.

B.) He is a sociopath and has no emotions and regard for others outside of his immediate personal gratification.

C.) He has so much confidence in himself he knows he will be ok no matter what.

In case there is any doubt in any ones mind the answer is C.

Although the presents of supreme unfounded confidence is a sign of a sociopath I do feel the emotions of guilt and remorse probably more so then most people leading me to shut them out with sometimes self destructive methods. I do appreciate the enormity of the situations presented. I also know that I have lived through a lot and survived and flourish and this will be no exception.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Statistical Madness - Overpopulation

Over Population of the Planet?

All of the people on this great earth could fit and live in the state of Alaska with enough extra room to accommodate growth for the next 10 years!!

How did I figure that? One of the most densely populated areas in the world is Hong Kong with 6300 people per square kilometer. Times that with the land mass of Alaska (1,717,855 km²)and you have enough room for over ten billion people. Think of all of the land on the earth that isn't Alaska?

There is plenty of space to go around.

If you listen closely to the cries of people who say the world is over populated it is often when they are stuck in traffic, waiting in lines or obstructed by a crowd from seeing a good accident. So the problem isn't that there are too many people it is that we have really crappy systems for getting people from one place to another, having services performed and enjoying the things we want.

Space isn't the issue. Design, implementation and patients are the issue.

But all things aside there are still parts of the herd I would like to see thinned

Friday, April 13, 2007

All the Information in the World

For the first time in history we have access to all of the information in the world and we don't even have to get our lazy asses off the couch. We can talk instantly with almost anybody on this planet. We can view history and research from the best minds that have ever lived. We can search for information on any topic we want.

And this is what we look for.....

Here are the top ten searches on the Internet I weaved them into a non-sense paragraph in vain hopes of converting some of the web surfers of the world who will stumble into this web I have created for them....muhahahahah

1 blades of glory
2 ron jeremy
3 hayden panettiere
4 transformers
5 gwen stefani
6 cesar chavez
7 xbox 360 elite
8 happy feet
9 discovery channel
10 allegra versace

I wonder if anyone who shaves there pubic region calls their razor, blades of glory? Maybe I will have to ask Ron Jermey next time we play transformers on xbox 360 elite. Hopefully he won't bring over the movie happy feet again. I had something so different in mind when he popped that in the deck. I was hoping to see Gwen Stefani toe jobing Hayden Panettiere, but I guess you can't win them all. Guess I will just curl up on the couch and watch Cesar Chavez on the Discovery Channel and eat something so I don't end up looking like Allegra Versace.

Weekend Words of Wisdom

"Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength."
~ Charles Spurgeon

"Never ask a hungry man about his past, just give him something to eat".
-Boss Tweed

"Those who write upon these walls roll their shit in little balls, those who read these words of wit, eat those little balls of shit".
- Bathroom stall of the Turf Club

"What you know makes you money, what you don't know costs you money".
-Warren Buffet

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change."
- Buddha

"Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward; they may be beaten , but they may start a winning game."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there."
- Edwin Louis Cole

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent."
- Marilyn vos Savant

"Men succeed when they realize that their failures are the preparation for their victories."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Writing on the Wall

Every once and a while I get bored and let the dice roll by clicking next blog. I am always amazed by three things.....

1.) How many religious blogs there are out there.

2.) How many blogs there are from different Countries. (If I had one secret wish it would be that I could speak every language with a perfect accent...some of them look cool and I have often left comments even though I can't understand what they say)

3.) The world is full of a lot of boring people who are full of shit. (This is probably the category I fall into on here to some)

That being said after clicking and reading one blog after another for a few hours I am always amazed at the tapestry of the human being that emerges as you step back and look at the collection, the diversity, the brutally honest writing, being emotionally naked in front of the world, hiding behind masks of our choice, the communities that arise, the friendships people make, it is digital graffiti that says I was here, I had something to say, I contributed even if no one listened.

This is for the people who are there to hear my tree fall in the forest.....

Thanks for reading my post secrets and not judging I love you

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

And the Winner Is.....

I would like to thank god for making all my enemies lose so I can stand up here as a winner tonight and give this speech.

I went into cub a few weeks back and bought one of those Jesus candles that are by the tortillas lit it and starred at it for four hours hoping to discover the secrets of the universe...when I fell asleep looking at it I had very sexual dreams and woke up with a large erection. Then it dawned on me, the secret of the universe, is in my pants. Thanks Jesus candle from cub.

Holding a full Charge.

When I was younger I would take these epic walks some times up to twenty miles. They would last for whole days and well into the night. I would just put my headphones on and act like I was walking to the bus stop for school in the morning and just keep going. I was always amazed that no one ever asked where I was during these long durations but that was a minor side point to how refreshed I always felt after I returned home.

This was how I recharged backed then and it was wonderful. Over time how I did recharged began to evolve in order to fit into the schedule that I had. Instead of walking I would go into my room for an hour or two and put my headphones on and crank them as loud as I could and just dance until I was sweaty and had to shower. (Although this had several unintended consequences since anyone I know will tell you that I am fairly deaf.)

But as complications of life added, work, school, roommates, social events, family and rent became more demanding time and space for even this became less available. For a while I filled this void with drugs that work great when you are on the run. The feeling of getting high was great for a while. To have that moment when the past and future dissolve away into a magical moment of ecstasy in the present. The problem here is that you only feel relief but never relieved and often the feeling of fatigue that I was trying to escape would come back with a vengeance.

The last few years have been the hardest that I have ever faced in this life and I have seen some hard years. I feel this constant weariness that seems to have possessed me. I have been unable to exorcise it. I feel like a battery that is able to hold less and less of a charge until I am constantly blinking low...low ...low. I feel like a dashboard that has the light on for fuel with the next stop being 300 miles away. Like I am in the middle of a mosh pit that is 200 miles wide and everybody is pushing in on me and I am just struggling to breathe.

I feel like I need to take a walk....

A lot of people in my life take these walks personal, especially my family, as most of these walks take place over holidays when there is time off work. It is not a reflection on them it is just how I am build. Sometimes I just need a time charge. More time to process and renew then most people it seems....and as life goes on there seems to be less time for began my desent into maddness.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

How Hot?

Why we do not use Celsius to tell the temp I will never know. It makes sense for human conditions. Water freezes at 0 and boils at 100. I have started a Celsius awareness program and have started to tell people the temp in Celsius to try to get rid of the nasty use of Fahrenheit across the United States.

Our first lesson begins with how to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit.
Multiple by 1.8 and then add 32

Lesson two is the reverse to convert Fahrenheit to Celsius
Subtract 32 then divide by 1.8

Some general rules of thumb if you are too drunk to do the math while traveling in a country who is smart enough to use Celsius are a few reversible's for example 16 degrees Celsius is roughly 61 degrees Fahrenheit, or 28 degree Celsius is roughly 82 degrees Fahrenheit.

Monday, April 09, 2007

No, I Will Not Play

I am not sure if there is a dumber game you can play then is just not fun and it is stupid. I don't bend that way. I can't do sit and reach either so yeah...fuck you! I will not play this stupid game.

Five Reasons Limbo is Lame:

1.) It is not erotic to bend like that. If you doubt me try to play it naked. It is like watching someone cough naked, it is just gross.

2.) If I want to see someone fall I will just push them or better yet trip them when they are carrying something, this is much more exciting.

3.) I don't want to see someone get that low. Waist high is good enough...I am just not a fan of the toe job. It's up here honey!!

4.) You can only see down someones shirt if you are the next person in line behind them which makes it a lousy spectator sport.

5.) The shitty music that seems to accompany this lame event always provokes me to the edge of a shooting spree.

If you are planning a party or a wedding keep this, the chicken dance, the makareana(sp) and the Conga line off the itinerary... PLEASE

Friday, April 06, 2007

Otherwise Stay Dead....Please

If man is the highest creation of an intelligent designer then I say that he didn't aim very high and settled for very little. I suspect that if we do find evidence of God on a sub-atomic level it will be accompanied with traces of duck tape, spilled whiskey and microscopic cigarette butts where in a drunken bout of creation he said, "fuck it, good enough".

I have a very hard time around holidays. Coming from a fairly religious family and being flanked by others around me with religious back grounds, I have a hard time abstaining and withdrawing from religious festivities that I just don't support without seeming like a prick.

"Come on just go for me." "It is not about Jesus it is about family." "Everybody goes to church on Easter" ....I actually busted out the Saturday afternoon logic of, "if all your friends where jumping off of a bridge would you?"

I have a hard time with how to take a stand but I fear if I don't that we will not be able to stop the dogma that is controlling our policy in this country and millions of people will continue to suffer as a result.

Why can't we just celebrate the coming of Spring with great feast, friends and family. Isn't the shedding of coats, the return to the out doors, the trees awakening and flowers rising from the soil enough to wonder and marvel at. The mystery of life and its beauty isn't diminished by our understanding of it, only enhanced.

If you really want to witness rebirth and a true resurrection let the world grow up free to think for themselves, in a time and place where we understand there is enough wonder and mystery to explore without inventing more.

Until then I am writing to you as an exiled American Aethist deep in America,


Thursday, April 05, 2007

Stuck in the Middle

It has been forever since I have looked at globe and I wish I would have stayed away. Last night i took a peak and realized Minneapolis resides on the 45th Parallel. Which means that it is the same distance from my house to the equator as it is to the north pole. Front door south or back door north? I suddenly became immobilized by indecision and sat unable to sleep in the middle of my house until it was light out and time to go to work. I had to crawl out the side window facing west since I seemed to remember go west young man as some positive inspiration that I picked up somewhere.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007



Maybe I am confused

When I am driving and a person sees me and walks across my path really slow am I a total jackass for getting irate and honking at them or are they the jackass for not speeding up or waiting to cross till after I pass.

I know they have the right off way but still they do not have the right of way because they are cool or important or special they have the right of way because I am in a moving two ton object headed at them and will kill them if I hit them. I think the right of way law has something to do with a fair fight or something, but just once I would love to floor it and watch their fragile human body shatter against the grill of my car. I would frame the windshield and place it on my mantle hopefully preserving the smug ass face they had on their grill when I knocked the life out of them.

Peek- a - Boo

Intimate portrait...Brian

Object take six pictures and post them

1.) Take a picture of your morning breakfast.

Truthfully though I usually eat it at work out of a foam cup

2.) Take a picture of the inside of your fridge (No cleaning be fair)

Not as bad as you would think huh?

3.) Take a picture of where you type your blog

Right in my living room camped out on the couch...or for you people down south davenport and yes I am that clean.

4.) Take a picture of the view outside your front door

Yes, that is my ugly Honda Element

5.) Take a picture of your night stand..( Don't clean it off..cheater)

Ok I cheated here and removed one thing but hey people I work with read

See I am really not that cool just a normal guy...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Naming Convention Change Goes Down in Committee

On the topic of renaming Fathers Day to Motherfuckers Day:

This was voted down on a technicality at the 113th Annual Tailgate Happy Hour convention on the following basis.

It is possible to be a father without being a motherfucker in the literal sense. Since we have to base the assumption of fatherhood on the moment of conception it is possible for intercourse to take place with out fatherhood being decided upon its completion. Since sperm survives for several days inside the Vagina we can not be certain of how soon after ejaculation the man is determined to be father. Since the act of sex can and often is completed before conception one can not be called a motherfucker if his relations end there.

While there is a good chance that relations may continue after conception since it is not guaranteed we can not apply the name to all people on the given holiday. Since it can not be applied we can not over turn the name of Fathers Day into Motherfuckers Day. Although most women in the forum agreed Motherfuckers Day is more appropriate even though not more accurate.

Monday, April 02, 2007

What to Eat First

What part of the Chocolate Jesus do you eat first?

This is much more interesting since it is anatomically correct...

Times up

Had kind of an eerie experience this weekend. I was getting ready to go out for the night and I noticed that my watch stopped at 9:15, so I went and grabbed another one. Just as I was getting ready to go I noticed that the second one stopped at 10:15. No sooner then I thought in my head wow that is weird I got these batteries at way different times, did an ominous thought pass through my mind....You are going to die on August 15 at 10:15. It gave me the shivers and was such a vivid thought that it stuck with me all weekend.

It gave me a flashback to something that I used to do when I was ten years old that I hadn't thought about in a long time. Shortly after my dad died I went through this obsessive phase that lasted for a few years where I had to say the name of everybody that I knew before I went to bed or they would die. It sounds crazy I know, but I had to do it. I would say their name and send them through this ritual I would do with my eyes and hands, love and protection and if I didn't do it right I would have to start all over on the list of names or someone on the list would die and it would be my fault. This list had all my family and friends as well as random people such as my neighbors, teachers, bus drivers, Ed who ran the corner drug all about 50 names the extent of the people involved in my ten year old world. I can remember not sleeping some nights because I had to go through the list so many times because I would keep messing up.

I don't know why these ominous thoughts and memories have been circulating in my neuron network lately, but there seems to be some kind of night of the living dead rising taking place in the recesses of my mind..

Sunday, April 01, 2007

The New Hot Spot - Bestsy's Back Porch

Ok so it is not super hot, but it is a very chill place to hang out and talk. I found this out since my neighbors have decided to be little bitches and lock down their wireless ports.
I have taken to walking my ass down to the corner coffee shop to write and use their wi-fi. This has had several added unsuspecting benefits like I have met a few other writers and just some generally cool people. They have good food in descent portions so I am not eating bar food all the time. They have good coffee and with the added bonus of wine and beer. Just a whole nother scene that I am kind of digging it is a great place for doing homework on the week nights and just hanging out in on the weekends. If you are ever in my hood lets go down and hang. I am actually even trying to get my boss to let me work from there during the day.

But this really isn't what I want to talk about. I have started to have this amazing feeling over the course of the last two years. The better I get to know myself the more any place I go feels like home....isn't that weird?

I used to feel only comfortable in certain places and situations now I feel good everywhere....anyone else ever had that experience? Like after all this time I finally feel comfortable even proud of being me?

Picture of my haircut....faces only changed to protect the innocent