Thursday, August 11, 2011

Smoking as a Blankie

I have come to the conclusion that smoking functioned for me like a child’s blanket. Something I would do when I was nervous, needed to become invisible or remove myself from a tense situation. It was a shield. A barrier. A way to lower other people’s expectations of me before I had a chance to let them down. It kept me from feeling vulnerable.

I am not sure when it happened exactly. When I stop needing this but I am glad I don’t smoke any more. I take it as a positive sign in my believe in myself.

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