Whats good for you?

I fight a constant battle in my head over what is good for me.

Meet the competing camps

1.) Live with what feels good
2.) Live with what feels right
3.) Live with what looks good
4.) Live with what looks right

Good and Right explained

For the use of this these terms I am going to explain them like this
Good = emotion, instinct following your heart and passion
Right = A use of a source of logic or philosophy to follow you mind as this case maybe I struggle with right because it is so subjective or I struggle with it because I am a morally flawed person or probably a combination of both.

Feels and Looks like Explained

Feels - is just that it is a feeling something I can’t explain. Like why does a hug feels different depending on who is giving it to you. You can logically have the same height and pressure in a hug from two different people, even strangers, but those hugs will feel different there might be this huge spark in one and not in the other that has nothing to do with the hug itself…..it is just a feeling you get from the hug

Looks – It is not the feeling but how it looks hugging someone. Are you in the know. Do they flatter you. Is everyone hating on you because you are hugging someone beautiful, someone famous?

I know this sounds weird but I noticed that I do this. There are people I hug differently in public then I do in private for a variety of reasons almost all of them superficial. It has to do with an incredibly complex interaction of the four camps above.

This weekend I had an incredibly trying ordeal and on the other side of that ordeal I received a hug. A hug that put this in perspective for me. It was a hug that I have never felt before. I felt unconditionally loved. I screwed up big and it would have been easy to say I told you so. But instead I found this set of arms that wrapped around me with a blanket of forgiveness. There were no strings attached. No conditions. I felt acceptance. Forgiveness. Redemption. Warmth. Joy. There was no anger, just a concern for my well being and life. I have never felt as safe and as free in my whole life as I did in that embrace.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder how can someone as fucked up as me have so many great people in their life.

Once again I am rambling and I don’t know where this is actually headed ….

I guess I have been spending too much time in the extremes of this four quadrants. What feels good and what looks good. It has come at a great expense and I am sorry. I am working on finding a balance. I hope everybody in the world can have a hug like I did this weekend.