A Bill Maher Monolog I just love...
And finally, New Rule: America must stop bragging that it’s the greatest country on earth and start acting like it. [applause] [cheers] Now, I know – I know this is uncomfortable for the faith-over-facts crowd, but the greatness of a country can, to a large degree, be measured. Here are some numbers: Infant mortality rate, America ranks 48th in the world; overall health, 72nd; freedom of the press, 44; literacy, 55th. Do you realize there are 12-year-old kids in this country who can’t spell the name of the teacher they’re having sex with? [laughter] [applause]
Now, America, I will admit, has done many great things: making the New World democratic comes to mind, the Marshall Plan, curing polio, beating Hitler, the deep-fried Twinkie. [laughter] But what have we done for us lately? We’re not the freest country. That would be Holland, where you can smoke hash in church, and Janet Jackson’s nipple is on their flag. [laughter] [applause]
And, sadly, we’re no longer a country that can get things done, either. Not big things, like building a tunnel under Boston or running a war with competence. We had six years to fix the voting machines. Couldn’t get that done. The FBI is just now getting email!
Prop 87 out here in California is about lessening our dependence on oil by using alternative fuels, and Bill Clinton comes on at the end of the ad and says, “If Brazil can do it, America can, too.” [laughter] [applause] Excuse me, since when did America have to buck itself up by saying we could catch up to Brazil?! [laughter] We invented the airplane and the lightbulb. They invented the bikini wax, and now they’re ahead?! [laughter] [applause]
In most of the industrialized world, nearly everyone has health care. And hardly anyone doubts evolution. And, yes, having to live amid so many superstitious dimwits is also something that affects quality of life. It’s why America isn’t going to be the country that gets the inevitable patents in stem cell cures, because Jesus thinks it’s too close to cloning!
Oh, and did I mention we owe China a trillion dollars? We owe everybody money. We are a debtor nation to MEXCICO! We’re not on a bridge to the 21st century. We’re on a bus to Atlantic City with a roll of quarters. [laughter] [applause] [cheers]
WHITMAN: Take those – bring those quarters to Atlantic City, yes.
MAHER: And this is why it bugs me that so many people talk like it’s 1955 and we’re still number one in everything. We’re not. And I take no glee in saying this, because I love my country, and I wish we were. But when you’re number 55 in this category and number 92 in that one, you look a little silly waving the big foam “Number One” finger. [laughter]
As long as we believe being the greatest country in the world is a birthright, we’ll keep coasting on the achievements of earlier generations and we’ll keep losing the moral high ground. Because we may not be the biggest or the healthiest or the best educated. But we always did have one thing no other place did. We knew soccer was bullshit. [laughter] [applause] [cheers]
And…and we also had a little thing called the Bill of Rights. A great nation doesn’t torture people or make them disappear without a trial. Bush keeps saying the terrorists hate us for our freedom. And he’s working damn hard to see that pretty soon that won’t be a problem. [applause]
Monday, November 20, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Designing the World for Tomorrow Part 1 of 10
The world of tomorrow begins with education today
This is the corner stone of the future and unfortunately politicians ignore this because its results take more then 4 years to become apparent. Education is the input into our entire economy. The better educated your population the better off your society is. It is a rainfall effect of job creation, better healthcare choices, spending habits, saving habits etc. Every person in Minnesota should be able to afford to go to school. Now that my rant is out of the way here is what I would do....
1.) State ownership in results in exchange for increased funding. WTF does that mean? Here are some examples we increase funding for medical research, genetics, bio-medicine etc at our universities. In exchange for an increase in spending the state would own a portion of the proprietary medicine or research that would be developed. This has two affects more spending = better research families to attract talent and create results. The state who now owns some of the rights to the medicine and research could generate revenue or pass along discounted medicine or healthcare to its inhabitants.
This could also work with other patents as well. I think a class that should be mandatory in every business program is how to get a patent and patent law. In exchange for facilitating the process through education in public schools and universities the state would be in a three way partnership with the university and the student where everyone would benefit from the creation of new ideas and products.
2.) Everyone needs two majors. One hard science and one liberal arts. Latin is cool and you have the right to study it but
3.) State sponsored prizes for Robot Wars, Science Fairs, Writing contests, Aviation Ext. We need to place the carrot further into the future to spur growth, creativity, drive etc.. before we become a nation of people selling big macs to people who sell whoppers.
4.) Standardized tests are bullshit the only thing they teach people is how to memorize things we need to find new ways to evaluate the quality of education that our children are receiving.
5.) I can't believe I can still walk into a school and every kid is not typing on a laptop...we have got to fix that. (Although I admit that it has its place there is a problem of forcing thought into a computer program but that is another blog I am working on)
6.) First Two Years is on us in exchange for 6 months of community service.(Double effect of allowing low level city jobs to be eliminated along with some of there cost and giving young people the benefit of some real world experience before going into college)
Well this is some of the stuff that I would do if I ruled the world.
This is the corner stone of the future and unfortunately politicians ignore this because its results take more then 4 years to become apparent. Education is the input into our entire economy. The better educated your population the better off your society is. It is a rainfall effect of job creation, better healthcare choices, spending habits, saving habits etc. Every person in Minnesota should be able to afford to go to school. Now that my rant is out of the way here is what I would do....
1.) State ownership in results in exchange for increased funding. WTF does that mean? Here are some examples we increase funding for medical research, genetics, bio-medicine etc at our universities. In exchange for an increase in spending the state would own a portion of the proprietary medicine or research that would be developed. This has two affects more spending = better research families to attract talent and create results. The state who now owns some of the rights to the medicine and research could generate revenue or pass along discounted medicine or healthcare to its inhabitants.
This could also work with other patents as well. I think a class that should be mandatory in every business program is how to get a patent and patent law. In exchange for facilitating the process through education in public schools and universities the state would be in a three way partnership with the university and the student where everyone would benefit from the creation of new ideas and products.
2.) Everyone needs two majors. One hard science and one liberal arts. Latin is cool and you have the right to study it but
3.) State sponsored prizes for Robot Wars, Science Fairs, Writing contests, Aviation Ext. We need to place the carrot further into the future to spur growth, creativity, drive etc.. before we become a nation of people selling big macs to people who sell whoppers.
4.) Standardized tests are bullshit the only thing they teach people is how to memorize things we need to find new ways to evaluate the quality of education that our children are receiving.
5.) I can't believe I can still walk into a school and every kid is not typing on a laptop...we have got to fix that. (Although I admit that it has its place there is a problem of forcing thought into a computer program but that is another blog I am working on)
6.) First Two Years is on us in exchange for 6 months of community service.(Double effect of allowing low level city jobs to be eliminated along with some of there cost and giving young people the benefit of some real world experience before going into college)
Well this is some of the stuff that I would do if I ruled the world.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Lights Out
The one part of the holiday season I always look forward too made me a little sick last night. One of my favorite things to do in the winter is to walk through the streets in the snow and look at peoples displays of Christmas lights. I don't know why I like to do this, I just do, I think it is pretty. I know it sounds kind of stupid especially for an agnostic person who doesn't like religion at all but who are we kidding Christmas hasn't been about religion in a long time, but I digress.
I came home last night and went for a little walk and one of my neighbors who always puts on a good light display was out in his yard putting up lights. (A little too early I know but it takes him a while so I forgive him) I noticed this year he was putting up some different things that he has not used in the past specifically a manger scene and a four foot tall cross with white lights. I had to stop and ask him about it and I wish that would not have. He said he had to do something extra this year to let everyone know Christian values are still dominate in this community. (For those of you who don't know my district elected the first Muslim to congress last Tuesday) I just kind of gave him a half smile and continued on my walk. When I came back towards my house it was dark and the parts that he had finished were lit up and I stopped in front of his house and looked at the lights for a bit. Instead of feeling light and peaceful I felt sick to my stomach and embarrassed. I felt like I was looking at a neon version of a burning cross left by the KKK. The scene of a hate crime disguised as holiday cheer. I started to wonder if this is how all of the people who don't celebrate Christmas felt and suddenly something that I have always enjoyed made me a little sad and a little ashamed....
I came home last night and went for a little walk and one of my neighbors who always puts on a good light display was out in his yard putting up lights. (A little too early I know but it takes him a while so I forgive him) I noticed this year he was putting up some different things that he has not used in the past specifically a manger scene and a four foot tall cross with white lights. I had to stop and ask him about it and I wish that would not have. He said he had to do something extra this year to let everyone know Christian values are still dominate in this community. (For those of you who don't know my district elected the first Muslim to congress last Tuesday) I just kind of gave him a half smile and continued on my walk. When I came back towards my house it was dark and the parts that he had finished were lit up and I stopped in front of his house and looked at the lights for a bit. Instead of feeling light and peaceful I felt sick to my stomach and embarrassed. I felt like I was looking at a neon version of a burning cross left by the KKK. The scene of a hate crime disguised as holiday cheer. I started to wonder if this is how all of the people who don't celebrate Christmas felt and suddenly something that I have always enjoyed made me a little sad and a little ashamed....
Monday, November 06, 2006
VOTE.... PLEASE
Tomorrow is your chance to make a difference in the direction our country is going. I beg you please find time to vote, in all seriousness the future depends on us.
Please Vote YES for the Transportation Budget Package. It is necessary for our states future growth and infrastructure.
Vote for the future. Hatch, Klobuchar, Ellison if you are in the fifth.....The future is being stolen out from under us and tomorrow we can push back. Please Vote
The prospect of my beloved state turning into a bible thumping backwoods, culture of fear, racist Jesus land has me sick to my stomach. If you want to live life like it used to be go and get a job doing recreations at Fort Snelling or Murphy's Landing and leave the future to those of us willing to do the work to make sure we can be a beacon of light for the future.
Minnesota is better then this. We have room for everybody. We value education. We value research for the future. We have courts and laws that value a blend of logic and compassion for all of the people who live here. That's why we don't have the death penalty. We are leaders and pioneers.....or at least we used to be...
Tomorrow will you be a leader and a pioneer? Will you go to the polls and do the right thing?
If you don't have a way to get to the polls please call me i am off work @ 4:00 on Tuesday and will be happy to drive you.
Please Vote YES for the Transportation Budget Package. It is necessary for our states future growth and infrastructure.
Vote for the future. Hatch, Klobuchar, Ellison if you are in the fifth.....The future is being stolen out from under us and tomorrow we can push back. Please Vote
The prospect of my beloved state turning into a bible thumping backwoods, culture of fear, racist Jesus land has me sick to my stomach. If you want to live life like it used to be go and get a job doing recreations at Fort Snelling or Murphy's Landing and leave the future to those of us willing to do the work to make sure we can be a beacon of light for the future.
Minnesota is better then this. We have room for everybody. We value education. We value research for the future. We have courts and laws that value a blend of logic and compassion for all of the people who live here. That's why we don't have the death penalty. We are leaders and pioneers.....or at least we used to be...
Tomorrow will you be a leader and a pioneer? Will you go to the polls and do the right thing?
If you don't have a way to get to the polls please call me i am off work @ 4:00 on Tuesday and will be happy to drive you.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
The Burning Man
A curious tradition ended last night with a new vision of the future. For the last 6 halloweens a group of men have gathered in black robes across minnesota and held a burning man ceremony. What is a burning man ceremony? It is kind of like confession for pagans. It comes from the tradition that the dead come back to walk the earth and you can make peace with them. Of course we have modified it slightly to include drinking and partying. Everything you have done in the past year good or bad is collected and thrown into a fire pit where it is burned and you are forgiven and freed from it. You burn all of your awards and all of your failures and are to start again new. Traditionally I delete my entire blog and start over, but not this year. I didn't need a burning man ceromony to start over this year. This really was an entire year of starting my life over from scratch.
This year I started my personal life over again from scatch, single, re-connecting with long lost friends.
This year I started over from financail security to bankrupcy, I reset my lovely credit score to something laughable...seriously the bank laughs at me and it will be another 4 years before i can even open another credit card
This year I bought all new furniture every piece
This year I bombed out of school and had to reassess what I want to continue doing in both school and work
This year and especially as of late I have been confronted my own mortality and am having to reaccess my life stlye and future
This year I made the first real mistake of my life that a burning man ceromony can't help me with. A mistake that threatens the start over and that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Last night I followed my heart and I woke up happy exactly where I wanted to be, it was how my life should have felt all along.
I didn't burn or erase anything last night. Maybe I make the sme mistakes over and over again because I forget. Because the journals of my torment are not there to remind me to make better decisions.
This year I started my personal life over again from scatch, single, re-connecting with long lost friends.
This year I started over from financail security to bankrupcy, I reset my lovely credit score to something laughable...seriously the bank laughs at me and it will be another 4 years before i can even open another credit card
This year I bought all new furniture every piece
This year I bombed out of school and had to reassess what I want to continue doing in both school and work
This year and especially as of late I have been confronted my own mortality and am having to reaccess my life stlye and future
This year I made the first real mistake of my life that a burning man ceromony can't help me with. A mistake that threatens the start over and that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Last night I followed my heart and I woke up happy exactly where I wanted to be, it was how my life should have felt all along.
I didn't burn or erase anything last night. Maybe I make the sme mistakes over and over again because I forget. Because the journals of my torment are not there to remind me to make better decisions.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The Down Side of Keeping it Real
After several years without watching TV and coming back into the fold it seams that the nation has been gripped by an epidemic of reality television.
1.) The flattening of people. People are complex and multi-dimensional, but the so called reality doesn't have time for complexity of the human spirit only for Archetypes of people....the slut, the jock, the queer, the angry black person, the sensitive guy, the sheltered virgin etc. And yes as a counter argument it is true that written TV does have archetypes but I see the difference being in what people in real life try to emulate. Most people don't sit around emulate the archetype from something about Raymond because we know it is fictitious although we may still recognize certain attributes about the person. It is entirely true that this beef that I have is nothing more than a perception problem. That it just seems like people are becoming more one dimensional because I am noticing something that has always been there. But how would you get on a reality television show if you were not one of the archetypes....do you conform then to the archetype? It seems like I meet fewer and fewer people these days who surprise me with any depth to them at all.
2.) The diminishment of hope - there is no vision of the future. the only thing that is described or depicted is endless back stabbing for some competitive prize...now I am not an idealist I know that's what life is, but shouldn't we still have the visionaries painting a picture of what the world could be? Does anyone have any idea how much research was kicked off because of Star Trek? James Bond? Visionaries who gave us something to aspire too something to get excited about a new way to look at the world. Now we seem to jest passively waste time watching the new alliance on Survivor.
3.) The ruin of creativity - It is cheap for the networks to do reality. Turn on the camera, don't pay any actors, let people run around and repackage it as a brand. I am worried about our imagination. About our ability to dream and see the world not is it really is but as it could be. I worry that we will become a stagnate place to live where one day we will all be happy watching live feeds of traffic cams and be ranked #200 in every quality of life category in the world.....and folks we are not far off...
Its just kind of depressing....anyone want to buy my TV?
1.) The flattening of people. People are complex and multi-dimensional, but the so called reality doesn't have time for complexity of the human spirit only for Archetypes of people....the slut, the jock, the queer, the angry black person, the sensitive guy, the sheltered virgin etc. And yes as a counter argument it is true that written TV does have archetypes but I see the difference being in what people in real life try to emulate. Most people don't sit around emulate the archetype from something about Raymond because we know it is fictitious although we may still recognize certain attributes about the person. It is entirely true that this beef that I have is nothing more than a perception problem. That it just seems like people are becoming more one dimensional because I am noticing something that has always been there. But how would you get on a reality television show if you were not one of the archetypes....do you conform then to the archetype? It seems like I meet fewer and fewer people these days who surprise me with any depth to them at all.
2.) The diminishment of hope - there is no vision of the future. the only thing that is described or depicted is endless back stabbing for some competitive prize...now I am not an idealist I know that's what life is, but shouldn't we still have the visionaries painting a picture of what the world could be? Does anyone have any idea how much research was kicked off because of Star Trek? James Bond? Visionaries who gave us something to aspire too something to get excited about a new way to look at the world. Now we seem to jest passively waste time watching the new alliance on Survivor.
3.) The ruin of creativity - It is cheap for the networks to do reality. Turn on the camera, don't pay any actors, let people run around and repackage it as a brand. I am worried about our imagination. About our ability to dream and see the world not is it really is but as it could be. I worry that we will become a stagnate place to live where one day we will all be happy watching live feeds of traffic cams and be ranked #200 in every quality of life category in the world.....and folks we are not far off...
Its just kind of depressing....anyone want to buy my TV?
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Random
I am now on my fifth Halloween costume and it is the dumbest yet. I started out as speed racer(costume I ordered didn't fit), switched to Jesus(beard gets in the way of drinking)switched to a mailman (decided I don't look good in blue slacks or short shorts)switched to pirate and then puked when I saw how many other people were pirates and now I am a pilot. I tried my pilot outfit last night and was boo'ed apparently people thought my pilot outfit resembled a Nazi ss officer....so fuck now what?
I have been sick for like 7 days and I am sick of being sick....I wish this cold would either kill me or move along. The worst part is I can only sleep like two hours at a time then my throat fills with all this mucus and I can't breathe and have to go and cough and blow it out. So not only am I sick I am deliriously tired:(
I am almost 30 years old and having large groups of people over to my house still makes me nervous. Yesterday I found myself carting all of my valuables over to my moms to store for the weekend. Maybe I am jaded after getting looted every time I had an open house or something. I think I am especially nervous because this is the first time I am having a party with all 4 of my social circles together. My friends that I grew up with will be there, my co-workers, my friends from later that I have met at college and a new circle that I have been adopted into via the beautiful woman I am dating. Add to that this party is also being co-hosted by my good friend and her circles who I don't know will be there too all makes for an interesting mix but at the same time I am really excited. I guess you just have to let go at a point and have trust that everybody will be respectful and just get lit together:)
I have been sick for like 7 days and I am sick of being sick....I wish this cold would either kill me or move along. The worst part is I can only sleep like two hours at a time then my throat fills with all this mucus and I can't breathe and have to go and cough and blow it out. So not only am I sick I am deliriously tired:(
I am almost 30 years old and having large groups of people over to my house still makes me nervous. Yesterday I found myself carting all of my valuables over to my moms to store for the weekend. Maybe I am jaded after getting looted every time I had an open house or something. I think I am especially nervous because this is the first time I am having a party with all 4 of my social circles together. My friends that I grew up with will be there, my co-workers, my friends from later that I have met at college and a new circle that I have been adopted into via the beautiful woman I am dating. Add to that this party is also being co-hosted by my good friend and her circles who I don't know will be there too all makes for an interesting mix but at the same time I am really excited. I guess you just have to let go at a point and have trust that everybody will be respectful and just get lit together:)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Time for the Robes....
Time for the Robes.....
sorry I been out of touch for a little bit here is a breakdown of what has been going on.
I have been getting ready to launch my first book of poetry called Gagging on the Wishes. It has been pretty exciting:)
My second book Bri-Polar is getting ready for galley and will coming out mid-2007
I dropped all of my classes for the semester as school was just too over whelming for everything that was going on.
Couldn't sell my house so I am staying put and looking for a roomate...If you know anyone keep me in mind.
Got rid of all of my funiture and bought all new funiture in a rituallistic cleansing of the past.
I got a TV and Cable!!! first time in like three years...and I am horrified at what is on....when did the whole world become reality television?
I have fallen deeply maddly and trully in love :)
And three other things I can't speak of......
sorry I been out of touch for a little bit here is a breakdown of what has been going on.
I have been getting ready to launch my first book of poetry called Gagging on the Wishes. It has been pretty exciting:)
My second book Bri-Polar is getting ready for galley and will coming out mid-2007
I dropped all of my classes for the semester as school was just too over whelming for everything that was going on.
Couldn't sell my house so I am staying put and looking for a roomate...If you know anyone keep me in mind.
Got rid of all of my funiture and bought all new funiture in a rituallistic cleansing of the past.
I got a TV and Cable!!! first time in like three years...and I am horrified at what is on....when did the whole world become reality television?
I have fallen deeply maddly and trully in love :)
And three other things I can't speak of......
Monday, October 02, 2006
Todays Google Searches
How fast do express elevators travel?
An express elevators travel 10 mph, 14 feet per second, 800 feet per minute, or as fast as a raindrop falls to earth. In fact, a snowflake falls at 3 mph, so in an express elevator during a snowstorm it would appear to be snowing up.(That is if the elevator was outside and made of glass)
Why is bird poop white?
Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird's cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.
An express elevators travel 10 mph, 14 feet per second, 800 feet per minute, or as fast as a raindrop falls to earth. In fact, a snowflake falls at 3 mph, so in an express elevator during a snowstorm it would appear to be snowing up.(That is if the elevator was outside and made of glass)
Why is bird poop white?
Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird's cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.
Another Cut Poem
Here is another one that got pulled from the book.....I hope you all enjoy it...although I am starting to wonder how watered down this is going to get
My Evil Twin Sends His Sincerest Death Wish
Many a problem could be solved by simply,
Holding it under water,
Until the bubbles stopped coming up.
Feel the water rush in your mouth
Quench my thirst
Breath it in for daddy
Fill your exasperated lungs with liquid silence
Its safer for everyone.
Then non-sense fueled by your wind
Let it lie
Like a man trying to sleep with a woman
To notice the words of a whore
You only have to
Stop staring at her tits
Listen to the vibration
Trapped in a bubble
Floating to the surface
From the lips of the woman
Whose feet are nailed
To the bottom of a filling pool.
My Evil Twin Sends His Sincerest Death Wish
Many a problem could be solved by simply,
Holding it under water,
Until the bubbles stopped coming up.
Feel the water rush in your mouth
Quench my thirst
Breath it in for daddy
Fill your exasperated lungs with liquid silence
Its safer for everyone.
Then non-sense fueled by your wind
Let it lie
Like a man trying to sleep with a woman
To notice the words of a whore
You only have to
Stop staring at her tits
Listen to the vibration
Trapped in a bubble
Floating to the surface
From the lips of the woman
Whose feet are nailed
To the bottom of a filling pool.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)