Jami

In memory of Jami Marks who would have turned 30 years old today.

Your friends still miss you.

I will never forget you, Sadie Hawkins, Homecomings, Snowball, smoking in the rose garden, the red Geo, your laugh, the balms you made, concerts at first ave and the talks shared.

Happy Birthday My Dear Friend

Being Different

The birch tree thought it was really cool for millions of years. Strikingly different from all the other trees...that is until someone realized that it is really soft wood and can easily be cut down, made into paper, canoes, beer....Now I bet it wishes it was like all the other trees plain and unassuming.

Oh Birch tree with no where in the forest to hide....this tear is for you.

Name that City

Driving back from Madison this weekend I found myself pondering the naming of cities.

I wondered what I would name a city if given the chance.

I wouldn't want to name it after myself even as narcissistic as I am I would still feel conflicted about it.

I settled on "Ayo" Kind of hip, short, it is also vague in its meaning so it might not go out of style.

What would you name your city? Why?

God's Day in Court

God gets hit with a lawsuit.

Updated Hands

Rabbit, Cat, Lettuce is now going to replace paper, scissors, rock in my home. I think it is just time to update this game and make it a teaching tool. Plus you can exercise new mussels in your hands.

Plus lets face it, the only thing in the old version that made sense anyway was scissors beats paper.


Cat Eats Rabbit

Rabbit Eats Lettuce

Lettuce Covers Cat

I am still practicing for the 2008 season let me know if you want in sign up is coming soon.

Come Fly the Conservative Sky

I love this line by Lynda White in defense of Southwest Airlines refusing to let a woman in a halter top board,

"If you wear provocative clothing, tattoos, or you smell of alcohol or cigarettes, who's going to believe you?"

So looking sexy, smoking, having a tattoo or smelling like booze also makes you a liar....who knew?

Just for that I am not going to put a napkin in my lap all weekend...what do you think of that Lynda?....(Sorry couldn't think of anything better then that for manners)

Failed State?

I might be the only geek alive who is actually watching the testimony of Petraeus on the situation in Iraq. I find two things about this incredibly amusing...

1.) I tell you to lower the amount of money in your checking account. At the time your balance is $100,000.000 you then deposit $40,000.00 in your checking account and withdrawal $30,000.00. Did you lower your checking checking account balance? No you actually have more money in it then when I asked and you take credit for a withdrawal....politics you have to love it.

2.) The notion that we can't leave Iraq a failed state. If history tells us anything you sure as hell can. After the British, French left ______(Insert African Country Here) 90% of the states failed and we didn't blink and eye. If the British leave northern Ireland will the terrorists get stronger or stop? Did India fall to pieces after the occupation left? Where are they now? We are in a battle of sunk costs and losing it is time to say sorry and move on.

Coach Johnson

I have been coaching people on how to get into Mensa and the Ivy's by raising their IQ and SAT scores...some people call it cheating. I call it learning how to work the system. I was going to post my method here on how to detect patterns in numbers and pictures without being Einstein but it involves a lot of pictures so maybe I will post it at a later date....

In the mean time if you, your kids need help or you want to rock at cocktail parties give me a holler and I am here for you..

Last Nights Nightmare

I woke up out of a nightmare....the same nightmare 6 times last night and every time I went back to bed I went right back into it only it was worse. The last time I woke up in a complete sweat that soaked through the sheets I might have even been screaming in my sleep.

I opened a door and I was in a building it was a school but I had never been there before. It was dark and I knew I was not supposed to be there. The door locked behind me and I started running down the hall to the other side to get out all the time feeling like something was behind me. I got out and ran across this field and I was being chased. I ran into another building and then I ran through the other building and to a door but when i walked through door I was back to the first door. Each time I ran this course there were more obstacles, the building became more complex, the field in between longer and there were more people and things chasing me. Every time I got to the last door they were on me. The dogs were biting me, people were slashing me...it was pretty terrifying...

I Made a Picture for You

I made a picture for you
Textured with vomit
Splattered with blood
Drizzled in sweat
Splashed with tears

I made a picture for you
Covered in feces
Stained with urine
Accented with spunk

I made a picture for you
With a hole punched in it
Burned by a fire
Torn down the middle

Spit on, walked on
Squatted on by a thousand
Diseased whores

I made a picture for you
So you could remember my life
Just the way you left it.