Friday, June 09, 2006


They say when you find yourself in a hole the first thing you should do is stop digging. Apparently, I like to jump into holes with a full set of boring equipment and drill on like a maniac. After a while when you are deprived of light, sight, sound, sensory deprivation takes over and you begin to create your own imaginary reality to explain your surroundings. A pretty picture to cover up the fact that you are in a dark hole that you only hope gets dug faster than your ability to fill it with your own waste. I am so lost in the deep I can’t tell if I am touching dirt, rocks or my own turds. I am not sure what hypothesis I am actually trying to test. Am I digging to see if hell exists? Am I trying to find out how tough I am by filling my life with as much complication as I can to see what my breaking point is? Am I digging because it is less of a ways to fall? Ready made grave?

They say that life is what happens to you while you are making plans. My life has never been typical by any means, but for some reason I clung to a vision of what my life should be like. Meet someone fall in love, get married, have kids live happily ever after making millions of dollars doing as little as possible….naive I know but I tell you I believed it. I in fact even tried it. It wasn’t good. So what is my new vision? What is my new reality? Blended families? Average job? Parenting split three ways? I care, you care, day care? Monogamy with lots of different women? Champagne lifestyle with a miller light salary? Chase the Jones with mastercar -d? Fake enough feelings so I have some one who will show up at my funeral and say that at least I wasn’t an asshole all the time.

If life isn’t supposed to be set in stone, if there is no path to follow but our own how come we are so damn judgmental about the paths that others choice if they don’t agree with our vision of the world that doesn’t really exist?
Bizzio Tunnelson


Matthew Anderson said...

Well the easy answer is - not all of us are judgmental ;)

You might be thinking a little too critically on this one, Brian. Try taking a step back. Instead of asking,

"How come we are so damn judgmental about the paths that others choose?"

Try, "How come I am so damn judgmental about my path?"

I bet that you'll find the answer you're looking for. And hey, I admire you and your path - get over it.

lauren said...

Dang, MA's comment was spot on. Kind of humbling, isn't it?

Megsta said...

"for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.
Happieness is a Journey, not a Destination..."

go easy on yourself Bri - try not to take it all so seriously - enjoy the ride!!!

Megsta said...

PS when I said enjoy the ride, I meant but don't stop so often to measure the road - it ruins the fun!!!!

Rocketstar said...

Start digging sideways....

Hang in there man.

Brian in Mpls said...

These comments gave me chills thanks for the shift in perspective you have no idea how much it was needed:)