Friday, June 30, 2006

Holodeck Heaven

Pretty sure this would be the end of humanity. Anyone ever seen Strange Days or Gulp Star Trek? I am pretty confident that if I went into one of these rooms where I could create any situation I wanted and it would be and feel real I would never leave. Imagine being able to create your perfect heaven, perfect moments on demand....what ever you could dream could be implanted in your brain as an actually event. I don't know why they ever went back to the The world would end every body would kill each other over who gets to go into the holodeck....people would disappear for years only to emerge during pesky blackouts

Virtual Reality is a trip...I suppose you would have to live in the real world long enough to be able to communicate what your perfect moment would be and I suppose it would get boring to repeat the same perfect moment over and over again but I could think of enough variety at this point in my life that I would willingly tune out of society.

It is also a trip because if you think about it you can create your own heaven right now anyways. Not the fake heaven of harps and clouds but your true ideal of what bliss is. The idea of harps and clouds always made me laugh. NO BODY LIKES TO PLAY THE why in the hell is our perfect version of what heaven is a bunch of people sitting around playing an instrument that no body likes? And if this is your vision of heaven why are you not practicing now? Frankly the sound of millions of people playing a crappy instrument is enough to make me want to stay out of heaven.....or maybe I will just get kicked out when I decide to use my harp as a bow and arrow and peg off some do gooder that I can't stand with a bolt of lightning...but then god might like that and keep me around so might have to refrain, because I am pretty sure he hates these self righteous pious pricks as much as me. I also think it is funny that people associate heaven with a euphoric feeling similar to being stoned "you will experience bliss for eternity"... News Flash we have the ability to do that now its called smoking pot...yet this is rejected as not natural as compared to with dying and having the supreme creator of the universe endow you with this gift of bliss. Maybe that is why god made the plants of the earth. He was kind enough to let you get a head start. So you should go and Practice. Why would God want you to abstain from euphoria for your entire life only to grant it to you when you die? Like a parent holding a fresh diaper in front of a soiled child telling them to just sit tight.....that's just mean.

My Theory on the harp is that a long time ago someone told a harp player she played like an angel from heaven (Meaning she played welled) and people being as stupid as they are thought that angels played harps. The generation after generation of passive believer never really thought about it and came to believe in a goal that really sucks.....if you spend your whole life living right and your reward is a harp, a cloud and a feeling of euphoria that makes you so stoned and stupid you think that that shit is cool I would ask for a refund when you get there....

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Confessions of a drama king

Is there a difference between a blogger who writes controversial stuff to stir the pot and make people think and Becky telling Julies something Debbie said because she knows it is going to piss her off and cause them to fight? I hope there is a difference. However the more I think about it the less sure I am that there is a difference. In either case the instigator profits by becoming the center of attention driven by some narcissistic need to be involved in the drama (could also read discussion). Although the former scenario I put on a pedestal and exalt as a virtue and the later I despise as small and petty. I guess one is a personal attack and one is an attack on and idea or belief…but isn’t an attack on an idea or a belief personal to those who hold that idea or belief? Am I just a self righteous version of Becky? Am I as big of an asshole because I am unconcerned about how what I write affects others? I do hold out hope that there is a difference. The difference to me is I print what I say. I stand behind what I say. I don’t tell one person one thing and someone else something and so on. It is right here. Black and white..same for everyone. I am the originator. The person you can complain to. Etc..

I try to be respectful on here. I never use anyone’s name. I never write about women I am with even after we are no longer together, even though there is a large chuck of material there….lol I never divulge anyone’s secret. Anything said to me in confidence. This blog is my secret. My personal thoughts. It is me revealed as honest as I am capable of being. I am sorry to those I make feel bad. I am sorry to the Becky’s out there who use my vulnerability to cause drama. I am sorry to those who are hurt by this drama. Sometimes the truth is ugly….sometimes I am ugly. If you have issue leave a comment. I accept them anonymously so you don’t even have to tell me who you are. Otherwise just delete my link because until you get down from your perch of safety and quit throwing potshots in the dark I really have nothing to say to you. And for those who use my words to attempt to wound those I care for I have a big brown steaming trophy for you as a testament to what a pile you are.

I really hate that I even have to say any of this. I feel like I am back in third grade. All of the people who leave comments on her I love and honestly I don’t know what I would do without you. To all the people who post here that I have come to love over the years I love you. I love our discussions even when we don’t agree. I love that even in my darkest hours, saddest lows, self destructive, and happy bows that you have been there and comforted me….corrected me when I was wrong…celebrated with me when I was happy. Mostly that you accepted me no matter how flawed I really am…and for that I thank you.

This is directed at a very few people who have tried to distort my words to strike out at some people that I really care about. Make no mistakes I don’t care what you say about me. But as soon as you go after my personal integrity, my families name and my inner circle I am going to introduce you to the word schaklog….

(Schaklog replaced twast with some added negative connotations for those that know what twast was)

Iror Raw VII

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Unearthed Long Forgotten Hidden Treasure

Enter the public library. I have forgotten how much I love the’. Too bad you had not forgotten that I owed you $35 dollars from a 1998 check-out that I don’t remember. That aside I am glad we have met again.

Top 10 Reasons for my rekindled love affair with the library.

1.) Its quiet…Really just like the movies.

2.) The people that work there are super helpful…especially for researching topics.

3.) Its free. I have saved a lot of money…next to booze books are my second biggest optional expense.

4.) They have music I can take home and rip without worry of what bearshare is downloading on my PC.

5.) Its not pretentious.

6.) There are lots of geeks just like me there. I have met a lot of them.

7.) Now I can renew my books online without having to go back into the library

8.) When I am done I don’t have more books that I have to pack…I just drop them off.

9.) If the book sucks oh well I didn’t pay for it.

10.) It makes me happy that there is an institution filled with knowledge that is free to the public (tax funding aside), that everyone can access and benefit from. It is part of our community.

Top Five Reasons I don’t about going to the library

1.) Not a whole lot of new releases and the ones that they do have are usually checked out.

2.) I can’t write in the margins of the book.

3.) If I really like it and want to share it with people I have to buy it anyways.

4.) Brining books back…can’t the library work like netflicks?

5.) That I feel like everything I read is being tracked by the government.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Americanization = Depression = Excess (Read: escape)

Drunkenness factor: 79%

What is excess?
Excess is an overabundance.
Excess is a scapegoat
A Pseudo Disease
A mere symptom
You don't get cancer from smoking three packs in a day
But you have smoked in excess
Cliché insertion: Anything in excess is bad
Cliché Insertion: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Drink Brian Drink
12 shots feel good
The stress of our color in the lines world slips away
Don't be afraid to be picked on
The odd kid out
Being the odd kid out is the Americanization of excess
Or better stated our fear of being the odd kid out
Last picked for kickball
Being smart = teachers pet = ridicule
The end result is a mediocre student
Afraid to raise their hand or ace a test
A lesson carried for life
Don't be too much better then others or they won't like you
I don't want to be different
Or called on even when I know the answer
I want to be safe
Be liked
Part of the pack
I color in the lines
I am non- offensive
Non - Abrasive
Different is only good if it is universally accepted then it is not difference
Life is boring
Life is meaningless
I escape it with a repetitive behavior
I drink to the lines that I don’t cross
I make up for it by becoming a zombie
That depresses me
I escape only to repeat
Unfulfilled potential = depression = escape
The repetition of the escape is what causes cancer
Credit card debt
The Clap
I never learned to be ok with being picked last
Being outside the lines
Teachers little pet
I am a victim of my own conformity
I am a self handicapping repetitiously excessive escape artist
Mother fucking Houdini has nothing on me.....

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Vulgar little cuss...

I think it was easy e who said

"What the fuck
I am Fucked
Because I like to fuck"

I think my problem is that intimacy seems to mean something different to me then most people. When I am intimate with someone it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with talking to someone. Sharing, Revealing, letting them touch the parts of me that I rope off for only the vips. Sex on the other hand doesn't hold some special attachment for me. I can have sex and that will be that....walk away....nothing. It was a knee jerk reaction for pleasure like having a drink or smoking a joint. I don't become emotional with the bottle I just have an agreement with it that when I am done we will go our separate ways, hopefully we both had a good time. Sex is fun. I love women. I love the first time with a new woman. I love the taste of pussy in my mouth. I love variety. I match these things that bring me joy with a dichotomy that is brewing in my mind. I want a loving partner to go through life with. I want to be a good provider. I want to experience the joy of having children. Can't I do all of these things and still whore it up?

Credo of the open relationship
1.) No sex with your partners friends or relatives
2.) If I find out about some thing it should be from you
3.) Always wear a condom

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Perfect Night

Happy Thoughts:)

Had a perfect moment the other night that I just wanted to share. I was sitting in my back yard on my swing with my legs up. I had done alot of non-sense that day that included busy work like mowing, hedging yada yada and was fairly tired but satisfied with all that I had done. I had a beer. I listened to the twins game on the radio as the sun started its descent. The smell of fresh cut grass lingering as sprinklers hissed and a a breeze rustled through the trees. My neighbor Audrey came over and sat down on the swing with me with her customary ice tea(for those of you who don't know her is is like 90 years old and maybe the sweetest woman alive) I don't remember ever speaking a word to her but it didn't seem to matter. The game had two effects or maybe it was the beer but I could vividly imagine it taking place. The announcers voice replaced all of the nagging stress in my head. I felt my whole body relax and I just smiled and zoned out in the twilight. It was simple. It didn't involve any money or ego. In the middle of all of the chaos that I am going through there was this perfect moment of serenity. I felt like an empty battery finally put on a charger. I tell you it has been years since I have felt as happy and at peace as I was sitting in the Minnesota summer twilight listening to the twins...

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Akedeia or Accidie

The Greek word that was the original fourth deadly sin. Now translated into Sloth means an indifference to life, paralysis of the soul, or a permanent state of non-caring. The english word sloth connotates laziness and falls short of the actual meaning of the word which has to do with the torpor that those who fail to live up to their potential suffer. Why does this matter? One it is what I have been feeling latley. Two is shows the horrific translation of the biblical text into english and the false associations that word comes to mean when we fail to grasp the authors original intention and suplant it with our own.

Also what the hell purpose do beards serve from an evolutionary standpoint? Is it to keep our faces warm when we were hunting? I have decided I don't like shaving or cutting the grass...but my fear of social rejection for not following custom stems me from making a stand.

Friday, June 09, 2006


They say when you find yourself in a hole the first thing you should do is stop digging. Apparently, I like to jump into holes with a full set of boring equipment and drill on like a maniac. After a while when you are deprived of light, sight, sound, sensory deprivation takes over and you begin to create your own imaginary reality to explain your surroundings. A pretty picture to cover up the fact that you are in a dark hole that you only hope gets dug faster than your ability to fill it with your own waste. I am so lost in the deep I can’t tell if I am touching dirt, rocks or my own turds. I am not sure what hypothesis I am actually trying to test. Am I digging to see if hell exists? Am I trying to find out how tough I am by filling my life with as much complication as I can to see what my breaking point is? Am I digging because it is less of a ways to fall? Ready made grave?

They say that life is what happens to you while you are making plans. My life has never been typical by any means, but for some reason I clung to a vision of what my life should be like. Meet someone fall in love, get married, have kids live happily ever after making millions of dollars doing as little as possible….naive I know but I tell you I believed it. I in fact even tried it. It wasn’t good. So what is my new vision? What is my new reality? Blended families? Average job? Parenting split three ways? I care, you care, day care? Monogamy with lots of different women? Champagne lifestyle with a miller light salary? Chase the Jones with mastercar -d? Fake enough feelings so I have some one who will show up at my funeral and say that at least I wasn’t an asshole all the time.

If life isn’t supposed to be set in stone, if there is no path to follow but our own how come we are so damn judgmental about the paths that others choice if they don’t agree with our vision of the world that doesn’t really exist?
Bizzio Tunnelson

Monday, June 05, 2006

American Me?

American Me?

I look out my window at work all day starring at a car dealership and its fleet of American flags. The flag and the idea of what an American is has become an interesting concept to me lately. I am not sure when or how it happened but my first visual image that comes into focus when I see the flag or hear the word American is an ignorant, overweight, Budweiser drinking, swabben, churchgoing, truck driving, gun tooting, racist hillbilly. Now obviously I know that is not the case as I know plenty of Americans who are anything but that stereotype. I started to wonder why I think like that and really couldn’t come up with any valid reasons for my thoughts on..

1.) What is an American?

2.) What does this country really stand for?

My conjecture at this point is those images and words are associated in my head to the unflattering picture of an American precisely because those are the people who are most proud of this country. They are the ones with the flag in their yard and bumper stickers on their trucks. And I am left wondering is everybody else who makes up the majority of this country afraid of proclaiming their American heritage? Is there a reason we rarely see a view on TV or Radio that expresses decent to this ideal of what is an American? Or am I just not paying close enough attention? Is everyone else afraid to be an American like me? Why am I ashamed?

People often say, “If you don’t like it here then leave.” What if the British said that to the founding fathers? What if they left? What if George Washington was like you you’re your right and moved to Canada? Dissent is good! Conflict is good! Creativity is the next revolution and creativity is stress compounding with freewill. What if those in the dissenting opinion now are the founding fathers to the next new age of America? What if we left? American is not the land of the complacent and entrenched it is the land of the free. It is the land of those who are wiling to risk it all for an ideal. Not those who are ill entitled by right of birth..

Maybe none of this makes sense but wth…some random thoughts for you.

Anyone else have some thoughts on the subject?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Quick Rant


There is no on the fly tool for IT development that is going to let non-technical people be technical people. You still have to get requirments, code them, test them and promote them. No tool will do this for you. If you want to speed up the process try a change in methodology like XP (Extreme Programing)Or better yet leave your coders the fuck alone so that they can code!!