Weekend ReCap

Friday

Read: Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach. I love books like this and despite her personal rant at the end of the book it was fascinating.

Drinks: Tailgate and Frenchmans

Saturday

Drove to Madison then Lake Mills for a party.

Drinks @ Carps Landing and Sporty's

Sunday:
Drove back and spent the rest of the day moaning in what can only be described as hangover hell.

Alternative Theory #698523 - Black-market for Polar Icecaps

When enough of the polar ice caps melt they will reveal huge pipelines that span the entire globe. Pipelines that have been slowly blending and stealing polar ice for years and shipping it to slushy and sno cone vendors across the globe in an underground black market for ice. These pipelines are controlled by the SSC (No I am not talking about the bondage guidelines for Safe Sane and Consensual) I am talking about the Sno-Cone Cartel.

Armed with ice picks and some of the worlds finest gelato they hide in plain sight among amusement parks and carnivals.

Buying sno-cones and slushies directly contributes to the vast climate changes we are experiencing as well as putting money in the hands of criminals.

I am going to immediately petition congress for a task force to crack down on this unauthorized ice harvest that is depleting the nation and contributing to global warming.

Right after I enjoy this Blue Razz Sno-cone

Lifes Lake

I am standing on this bridge that goes over a huge water way.
I look out into and endless sea of fishing bobbers
Bobbers getting pulled under occasionally by a nibble.
Some reappear
Some don't
Sometimes the stress on the line
Causes it to snap
When I look closer I can see bobbers are human heads
Burnt red by the sun
Pulled under by bottom feeders
They scream as they go under
But it is that distorted scream
The one you can only barley make out under water
More of a frequency of terror and distress
Then anything verbal
I see my face in the sea
I am going under
A short bob
Then I am back again
A longer bob
I don't have much time
Where is fucking fisherman?
Where is my pole
Some body reel this in.
I am watching myself drown
In temptation
From the edge of a bridge.

The Fine Line Between Being Confident and a Prick.

I was recently sitting across from two crust friends. (Friends that don't make up the filling but define the edge of your circle) Peripheral friends if you feel more comfortable with that term.

They are both cocky little shits in very similar ways yet I really like one of them and I really hate the other.

This got me thinking is there a fine line where you cross over from being confident to being a prick, and if so where is that line?

After I started to think about it I came to the conclusion that being a prick is having fake confidence. A confidence mask.

A prick doesn't take advise, covers up weakness and over compensates or make others feel bad, stays in their comfort zone.

A person who is confident with themselves holds their own console but also can take advise, laugh at themselves, are OK with their weaknesses, don't need to belittle other people can explore and is not afraid of being a beginner.

When I realized that was the difference between the two I also noticed that I am a bit of each...

New Word - Block- Squash

We have all heard of a "block-head" meaning a person is thick headed, stubborn and dense.

I would like to propose a new phrase to the English archive - Block Squash meaning a person who is stubborn for no reason. The inside of their block is all mushy and rotted with garbage and devoid of any structure. It is not so much stubborn as it is the mush and mud of apathy. The tires of thought spinning endlessly in the mud of their mind.

The benefit of being one of the first to use this phrase is that people have no idea I am insulting them. They think that guy is just talking mad gibberish.

You can actually.... if you pay attention, watch the insult sail past their vacant eyes and become engulfed in the grey mashed potato-ed squash that once held so much promise as their brain.

Do not try to pick this persons brain or you will get some on you like a soup spilled into your engine or a greasy stain down the front of your shirt.

Block Squash

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Read....Just to make sure I finished it by Breakfast Tomorrow;)

Tailgate:) My Sister was in town from Denver so it was a must.



Saturday

Finished Reading 1421 The Year China Discovered America, by Gavin Menzies

Three things I learned

1.) it is better to have moderate advances then grand ones especially if you are a leader depending on taxes from millions of people who are on the poverty line.
2.) The north star only works for navigation in the northern hemisphere.
3.)The plants and animals described by the author as evidence could have been brought over the artic land bridge during the last migration, this could also explain why DNA is so similar in specific pockets between Indians and Chinese.
4.) You can always see what you want to see in the evidence and it still might not be true.

At the end of the book though I was kind of like so what.. The sample thing has happened in mathematics and chemistry with the Arabs and Muslims, Building techniques with the Egyptians, Democracy with the Greeks. While it was interesting the evidence was iffy and causality was weak. Plus does is really matter if no colonies where established or historical imprint left?

Went to Canterbury Downs Watched some races in the New York Life Box

Drank a bottle of wine and home and just kind of stared off into space until I was completely ravaged by mosquitoes.

Went into work to do a couple of application rebuilds.

Sunday

Watched: In Burges. This was a great movie and one of the best endings I have seen in a long time.

Somethings Wrong With Me - Get Out Whitey

The across the street and in back of me have recently sold and I have gotten new neighbors.

Now if you picture this I live in a quiet neighborhood on the south side of Minneapolis where the majority of people are white. As are both my new neighbors.

Circa: 2:30am I thought I stumbled on the funniest thing in the world why not spray paint "Get Out Whitey" on my new neighbors house.

I could just picture them coming out in the morning and wondering what the fuck.

I don't know why I thought this was so funny but it pissed off a large section of my guests.

*I would also like to give a shout out to Home Depot for refusing to sell me spray paint after I arrived via Taxi @ 3:30 in the morning. Good looking out.


* This part may have been embellished for dramatic effect.

Reason I am An Asshole #2541752

Here is some good entertainment for $5 on your next lunch break.

Step #1 - Pull up to a busy lunchtime drive though.

Step #2 - Order a fish sandwich. (By sales volume the least ordered item)

Step #3 - Pay for the the item.

Step #4 - Get out of line quickly before you pick up your food and get to a place quickly where you can watch all the cars after you get the wrong orders.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people will drive off without looking at their order. Or the kind of mayhem this can cause during the lunch rush. Don't ask me why I think this is funny it really isn't but I can't help laughing to myself.

This only works on lunch because the dinner rush people are ordering for full families and quickly notice any errors. Plus lunch people are too busy trying to get back to the office to notice anything.

Brian in Minneapolis Decimal System

Life expectancy.

I don't want to extend the end of my life I want to extend the middle.

I want to add little decimal years in my 30's and 40's. Sub years right in the middle of the goods times. Then I freaked myself out when I realized there is decimals in between my years they are called days.

I want to stop rounding my life to whole number. I want to enbrace all of its decimal points

I am 30.517808219 Did I enjoy that .0078? or the .0000082?

I can insert decimals places into my life in the middle just by enjoying today:)

So I am off to celebrate because before the night falls and the morning comes again.... I will be 30.52054794505 and I might not rember how important this moment was. I might go back to glossing over time. Rounding my life off one way or another...

Grow a Pair....

One of the primal slams that is uttered between men is the slang term, "Grow a pair." Meaning be a man, or be assertive and go after what you want.

Incidentally it is usually used for a macho form of manipulation to get you to actually do what someone else wants you to. Having the opposite effect. If you actually do what someone wants you to do after they say this to you your pair actually shrinks since they have manipulated you into being less assertive and into doing what they want you to do.

Attacking your manhood in exchange for stealing your time.

Now it is not always used as such and some people do need a little prodding to be more assertive in living their life but then who am I to decide where that line is for someone else? This is why I never say such things.

The hyper extreme of this is elephantiasis where one person always try's to bully everyone else into doing what they want to. Huge nuts that makes it hard for them to be around and people to get close to since you never quite know when they are going to pop.

I think I will just stay with my regular nuts the ones I can maintain by doing what I want most of the time, but not being beyond compromise for the ones I hold dear.

(PS. Why are you looking at my nuts anyways?)

(PSS. Nuts are not very attractive and growing a pair or making them bigger is probably not a good idea from a date-ability standpoint.)