Dating for Dummies

Attention
If I could take just a moment to further demasculante myself by comparing the three phases of dating to shoe shopping I would appreciate it thank you.

Trip to Cole hann and bizzaro world left my head full of an analogy to help in guiding in the bizarre ritual we call dating.

Phase I - Selecting a pair
Dating is like browsing for a pair of shoes. Scanning the shelves looking for something that catches your eye, something in your size. You put them on an walk around, how do they feel? How do they make you feel? Are they your style? Are they comfortable? Do they suit your use (Hiking, dress, sneakers, sandal's)? What material are they made of? (The scary part of this analogy is that the shoes have to like you too! They have to like being on your stinky feet, your socks, how you care for them, where you take them. Are you a scuffer? Do you walk in poop? The shoes have a choice to make too.

If you want my advise spend a lot of time in the store in this phase walking around with those shoes on, because as we have all learned it takes a little bit for blisters to appear and it really sucks when shoes cost you a lot of money and all they do is make your feet hurt.


Phase II - deciding to buy aka the transition
This phase is the talk with the shoes. This is the phase that in my opinion most people muck up because they don't talk or spend enough time in phase one. This is where you enter the discussion with the shoes to see if they are going to be your only pair of shoes. This is where the amount of time you spend in phases one matters. This is where you need to break it off before it breaks you. We all go into the shoe store with a set of assumptions, just like we go out into the world.
I like brown dress shoes
I want a big house
I will only wear Nike etc.
Now this is where you have to lay it on the table your assumptions about what the future looks like, what do you dream, what do you want? What do you not want? If you pay attention to the items in number one you have a good idea about what you need to discus before you buy. You also have learned if you you spent a lot of time in number one if the other person has redeeming qualities that might override the assumptions that you have about the world.
You might find out you like black dress shoes instead, or that Adidas are just as good as Nikes. If you skip this talk and move to phase three too soon you are destined to break hearts and resent the other person. Honesty is key here.....can you honestly afford these shoes? Are they the right pair for you? What do the shoes think?

Phase III - Taking them home
You move into a relationship with your shoes. You are responsible for cleaning out your closet of other shoes, polishing them to make them look new again everyday. You are monogamous with your shoes.

I love shoes what can I say...lol

If I have really learned anything in my life that I would offer as advise when it come to relationships it would be two things.....
1.) Talk early and often. As soon as you stop talking you are doomed. As soon as you hold it in your relationship is done, always be honest with yourself and your partner otherwise you really can go on indefinitely being miserable and life is too short for that....be honest even when it hurts I should say especially when it hurts because that is usually when it is needed the most.
2.) Find or do something special for the other person everyday. As soon as you stop looking or doing something special you are done. Doesn't have to be alot could be a note or a text of a :) could be a kiss or a massage for no reason, commenting on a mannerism that makes them unique, could be as simple as shutting off the TV when the other person is talking, doesn't have to be a lot just enough to show them that your care everyday......and if your shoes fit they will do the same for you:)

In Jerry Springer fashion....take care of yourselves and each other

To Bizzario world with love,
Brian Johnson