Thursday, March 29, 2007

Eat a Fat One

Americans by and large lack the obesity needed to compete in the twenty first century. Our nation’s girth is well below its ability to sustain us through our self created economic crisis’s. We lack the double chins and spare tires to survive the downturn in the housing market. The thunder thighs and flabby arms needed to sustain us through the evaporation of social security and rising life spans. The utter roundness necessary to perch us firmly on the top seat as the most arrogant people on the planet.

We have firmly stepped foot into a new financial crisis. With the introduction of payment option arms into mortgage products millions of Americans took out loans that were greater then their ability to repay them. Enticed by temporary low payments these borrowers with less then perfect credit scores borrowed over $200 billion dollars. After the market rates began to rise and their teaser rates expired most of these borrowers saw payments jump beyond the ability they had to make them. With only 1/3 of the population overweight in this country, I worry that we are on the brink of an epidemic of starvation. This leaves 2/3s of our population struggling to make ends meat every month who do not have enough meat on their bones to wait this financial crisis out. A person sitting and doing nothing will burn 68 calories and hour. A person who is as little as 100lbs overweight can survive these market down turns easier because they have an extra 5147 hours where they can go without eating. This is equivalent to 214 days. They have to out survive their skinny counter parts in these market down turns.

If we are going to have our economy survive into the next century will have to increase the current amount of people who die from obesity every year experientially. The current number of 400, 000 who die from obesity is simply not enough people to make up for the gap of people leaving the workforce and the people joining the workforce. In as early as 2017 social security will be paying out more money then it takes in. Over the next 75 years, social security will face a $27 trillion dollar short fall unless we take drastic action by reducing the number of people who live to receive this benefit or the length of duration that they will be receiving it. One of the fastest proven methods is with a high fat fast food diet. The diet not only clogs arteries and causes heart attacks and heart disease but it is surprisingly tasty and many Americans will partake in its consumption willingly.
We are also loosing our ability to be seen as arrogant which could have profound impacts on foreign policy and programs. How are we to maintain our aura of superiority if we look like we are staving along side of the rest of the world. Our enemies foreign and domestic will see this as a sign of weakness and it may provoke future terrorist attacks. Nothing says everything is ok better then a potbelly. It is a national symbol of how comfortable we are. How much confidence we have in our ability and weak we think others point of view is. I mean do we rally think anyone is scared of Condoleezza Rice? Eating carrot sticks at a U.N meeting. We might as well post a sign at our nations borders that says begin invasion here.

If you take our country seriously and want to remain a nation of great importance and stature. If you care about the financial security and stability of future generations of our youth. If you care about our image to the world abroad and its projection of strength then do what a 1/3 of your fellow patriots are doing. Have a big Mac for lunch. America is counting on you.


SherBears said...

My boss and I were just discussing this. Well the financial side of things anyways (I'm one of those people who takes medication to gain weight). All these people who bought into $200,000 homes and now the interest loan is due and they can't pay up, all these houses are going back on the market and no one wants to build new....and on it goes. Unfortunately it also drives the rent prices up. *cocksuckers*

Rocketstar said...

Maybe we need to instate the random lottery of death you spoke about a while back.

**ATTENTION Google and the FBI* - The above is a joke, not meant to be taken seriously.

Say Rah! said...

i'm doing my part, brian!

actually, let's talk about the mortgage situation. you work with mortgages in some fashion, don't you? sub-prime by chance?

i'll sit here on my perfect credit, living within my means high-horse and say that homeownership is not a guarantee and i don't feel sorry for anyone who got in over their heads.

your thoughts?

Brian in Mpls said...

Yep I work in sub-prime. I used to have perfect credit too then I got married and divorced filed for bank. and now I am one of those people in over their

the108 said...

I'll do my part and get super duper fat.

I think that all people should be euthanized at 65 when they become old and useless. My husband says that I'm no different than Hitler because of my skittishness with really old people.

I'm also in waay over my head as well.