Friday, August 29, 2008

Alternative Use for Mr. Yuck Sticker #67432

When ever I get the tour of someone's house for the first time I can't help be get grossed out when we stop by their home office or see where their computer resides. The first thing that comes to my mind is, "so this is where they rub one out." (This can get even creepier mentally depending on the attractiveness of your host as you actually picture them rubbing it out)

They do it right there in that chair that has never been cleaned. Full of ass juice, butt sweat, pubic hair and what ever else happened to fall off their body as they make rhythm to the buffering images of porn that flash across their monitor.

No, I do not want to sit in that chair and look at the newest thing you found on u-tube. Not without some bleach and plastic.

I know everybody does it....even most of you ladies...but I cant help thinking that until peoples hygiene and cleaning standards catch up to the trans. rate of their high speed modems that there should be a Mr. Yuck sticker placed right there in the middle of your home office.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


With the RNC coming into full swing in the twin cities I can't help but wonder how stoned the committee members must have been when they choose the mascot for their parties. An Elephant and a Donkey? Really? The most powerful country in history and this is what you come up with?


You know the ones that stand (supposedly) for small government, anti-abortion, trimming waste decided to pick the biggest land animal on earth with an interesting habit of infanticide to be their mascot? It is not even an American animal. It is not like there are herds of Elephants roaming the prairies of middle America. It is a symbol of Africa which ironically is a place that most republicans don't seem to care much about.


A donkey? really? All this talk about bi-partisanship and you pick one of the most stubborn docile animals on the planet. I understand you are supposed to be representing the working man but what was wrong with a horse? Already taken?

I think one of them should have picked a big-foot. You always hear stories that they are out there doing things but no one has ever seen them or caught them on tape actually doing things. Or what about a tiger? Lion? Buffalo?

China has a dragon that breathes fire and you come to the table with a donkey.

Would you believe with our current political landscape I actually feel bad for the donkey and the elephant? Soiling their good names in the animal kingdom. I wonder if they get laughed at by the other animals.

If you had to create a mascot for each party based on the current political seen which animal would you pick for each party and why?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Buying Flowers with a Side of Life

A lot of people think that buying flowers is a waste. I actually like the reminder that life is precious and beautiful and fleeting. It reminds me of the moment. Of breathing slower. Taking my time. Not worrying about the future.

It reminds me that all things are finite.

A bunch of flowers is like a timer, an hour glass reminder in a pretty vase reminding you to go live, before you too become wilted and ready for the compost.

People tend to only think things that last are a good investment but then everything that you usually find joy in is even more fleeting then that arrangement.

A good meal.

A good conversation.

A sunset.

A summer day.

A good laugh.

A run in the leaves.


Happy hour with your friends.

A sense of accomplishment for a job well done.

All of these things will fall into the past forever quicker then a flower will wilt and I will take anyone of these over a million plastic flowers and lifetime guarantees.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Free Audio Books

This is a great site for all of you readers out there.

Free Audio Books

I have been downloading a few chapters of classics a day and then listening to them in the car and when I am walking, biking or running. The audio quaility leaves something to be desired but hey it is free and they keep adding like a 100 titles a month.

Secret Garden

Brianinmpls: (Noticing a vendor is smelling the flowers she was selling) "Must be nice to have a job where you actually have to stop and smell the roses."

Vendor: "Roses for sale.. you buy? Pretty girls like flowers"

This lead me to an odd thought. She creates all of the beauty not for herself but for the enjoyment of others. I buy this not for myself but for the enjoyment of others. Now you could say that this beauty leads to the creation of cash, that the vendor can use for her own happiness or a sexual favor given by the recipient of the flowers that would bring me joy.

But as I walked home from the farmers market I racked my brain around this one thought. "What do I do, make, grow, build, create, enjoy that is special just for me. That I keep just for me?"

Something that is not part of keeping up appearances, greasing the skids of relationships or a necessity of life.

Where is my secret garden that I make for myself?

Is my happiness entirely dependant upon other peoples reactions and involvement?

Is the best I can do indirect happiness? A by-product of happiness I create for other people? Left-over happiness? A Remainder?

What do you cultivate that is just for you?

Monday, August 25, 2008

Weekend ReCap


Watched Miss much potential in concept so much let down in execution. Cheesy. Skeet Shooting Material.


Farmers Market, Worked.

Just kind of zoned out...

Read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. I would make this guy looks like a nancy. Another difference was that I actually feel bad for how I treated people.


Watched Street Kings. It was ok

Things I realized this weekend.

I suck at being alone. For as much as I preach Independence I am terrible at it.

I love wine.

I doubt five people would morn my passing.

I am in love.

I am a grown-up...kind of..

I miss listening to the Twins Games on the Radio with my neighbor.

For as much as I miss some of the activities that I used to do I would not change my life now for anything or anyone.

It is a St Louis sunrise and a Minneapolis sun set.

Song lyrics never mean the same thing to you as they do to someone else.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Science Application

I had an interesting argument with a man today. He was telling me about my life in Freudian terms and how if I changed my belief system to a faith based one my life would improve.

This lead us into a scientific discussion on his diagnostic method, biology and evolution.

I found it interesting that this christian man would believe in the therapeutic methods of Freud as scientific evidence and still refuse to believe in evolution.

I am always baffled when people fail to see this dilemma in their lives.

You either believe in the scientific approach to understanding the world or you don't.

You can not pick and choose what topics it applies to.

I also must reconsider having my instant messaging id on this blog.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Thank You Ladies :)

Letting the Bullpen Call The Game

First let me explain the bullpen, pantry and forbidden garden.

I will start with the analogy of the bullpen because I think it is the easiest to follow and understand. A bullpen is filled with relief pitchers. People who step in when the starter is tired and not doing so well. All guys in this world and from what I understand all girls have bullpens. Significant others waiting in the wings to step in and pitch an inning in our lives.

This is in our DNA, our evolutionary make up. Potential partners we cultivate on the side through flirting, humor, banter all in the guise of friendship.

You have a set of guys waiting in the bullpen, you are in someone else bullpen. You might not know it but you are in there....warming up.

Don't believe me? Make a pass at them and see what happens.

"My friend isn't like that...he is married!"

Since when do married men stop having fantasies about other women?

They might not do anything about it, but they cultivate the potential to do something about it never the less.

The trick is recognizing this fact and if you value your relationship or potential relationship take steps to avoid it.

If you wouldn't do it or say it in front of the woman you are dating...don't say it don't do it. (This is a good indicator that you are working on a prospect)

And you probably should not let your bullpen call your game or give you advice..remember they are more concerned with pitching an inning then making sure you win the game.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Shelf Life

I wonder why we think we can go into relationships without expiration dates. Assuming everything will last forever. We are all just pieces of meat just like the ground chuck at the grocery store.

We also go bad just like meat. We cite this magic of chemistry to keep it fresh and tasting good. But you can only inject so much carbon monoxide or radiation into meat to keep it fresh(looking fresh) and even then it will eventually go bad.

You can freeze it and thaw it to use later but it never tastes as good that way.

Why do we have such a hard time enjoying our relationships in season?

We are so worried about the preservatives we never really enjoy the banquet that is right in front of us.

Relationships are organic. Just like people are organic. They have shelf lives.

You wouldn't drink milk that has been in your fridge for 5 years.

Why are you basing your entire world on a piece of meat you know has spoiled years ago?

It is time to clean your fridge and start setting expiration dates.

Some of you need to smell it....

Some of you need to take a bite, thaw it out, drink it in ,enjoy it....

It is the secret to preserving it, don't waste it when you have it. Savor it. Put it on your best dish and enjoy it bite for bite...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Smell My Feet - The Halloween Dilema

For some reason I am thinking about fall this morning and specically Halloween.

Why do we still say trick or treat? I have never seen a trick in 30 years.

But if you just say give me treat. (What everyone is expecting) People think you are rude and actually make you say trick or treat when they know damn well there is no chance of a trick.

So it just on and on....

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Superpower Equilibrium Dilemma

What if you had the incredible ability of telepathy? You could hear the private thoughts of others. You could know what anybody in the world was thinking just by focusing on that person who was in your proximity.

What if this power was caused by a grossest deformity that was visible on your body. Like extensive pussing boils on your face or extreme obesity? If you get rid of the deformity you lose your powers.

You would be able to hear every private cut people would make in their head at your expense as well as everything else they thought.

Would this be a gift or a living nightmare?

Would you cure the deformity?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Weekend ReCap


Fixed a leaky shower and installed shut off values for the bathroom.

Watched: No Reservations....yawn


Walked to the Farmers Market.

Went for a jog along the falls

Read: Lap Dancers Dont Take Checks by Vince Megna. A great no-nonsense law book. Quick read and well worth your time.

Watched: 21. I love vegas. I love math. I loved this book. This movie should not have been a hard sell. Yet it was, the main actor was just not believable. I thought this movie sucked. If it wasn't for Kate Bosworth in this movie I would have shut it off.


Roller Bladed around Lake Nokomis

Watched the Twins Game @ Tailgate

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Munchies Factor

I am in self debate right now about switching from drinking to smoking pot. The pluses of smoking pot...

1.) Less expensive
2.) O - Calories (saves my wallet and my gut)
3.) Relaxed feeling
4.) No hang overs
5.) Better for my ulcer

The negatives
1.) Stigma - Some people look down on pot smokers for some reason
2.) Possible jail time
3.) Missed social aspect (One of my favorite things about drinking is it gets you out of the house and if you smoke pot you are kind of forced to be a hermit.)
4.) Munchies might make calorie saving over drinking a mute point.

Make the change or not make the change?

Maybe I will have to do some research this weekend.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Lake Nokomis - 6:18 8/12/2008

I was watching an old woman today. She was sitting at a park bench a few over from me in the shade. She was watching a small boy play with a balloon in the presents of his parents. She had this incredible smile on her face. It caused all of her skin to bunch up in a million wrinkles of tissue paper thin creases. Her thin lips disappeared with age turned upward in motion of something magical. Like she was watching a secret she had waited her whole life to unfold answered right before her eyes.

I wanted to ask her what she saw, what she was thinking, what she knew, but I couldn't bring myself to interrupt that moment.

The look on her face, the joy in her eyes, it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Term of Disendearment

I would like to propose a change to the current term limits of all political sections of governments.

New Term: 1 Term for 10 Years (That is it)

Reason why I think this would be better.

1.) Could face on longer term problems.

2.) Since reelection would not be an issue special interest money and promises made to get re-elected would be curbed some what.

3.) No career politicians

4.) Since reelection would not matter unpopular but necessary actions could be taken for the benefit of the country.

5.) Save money by cutting the amount of elections and campaigns for election in half.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Fire on the Horizon

A large fire truck requires two drivers. These trucks respond to the big disasters, office building fires, 9/11. Epic tragedies where we need to get the heavy equipment before large amounts of people and property perish. They require one driver in the front and one driver in the back working in perfect cooperation. Failure to work together will mean the truck will never make it to the disaster and the results are guaranteed to be catastrophic.

To get to this fire requires a sense of emergency, a common sense of duty to do the right thing. It may require taking narrow streets, scraping cars, blaring sirens down quiet residential streets, cutting across farmers fields. In essence causing a minor glitch in the name of saving many from unspeakable loss. How fast they get there determines how many can be saved.

America is on fire.

Medicare is on fire.

Social security is reaching a flash point.

There is smoke coming out of millions of homes.

Burnt out schools.

Smoldering unemployment lines.

Flash fires in foreign countries.

In a few short months you have the chance to pick the drivers who will be responding to this fire.

Partisan politics no longer works. Partisan politics insures that the drivers will not work together.

If you see candidates pointing fingers at each other, point one of your own at both of them.

It is time to work together.

It is time to admit there is a fire.

It is time to let your candidate know that you support his bi-partisan involvement in saving America.

It is time to let them know you demand it.

It is time to respond.


Monday, August 11, 2008

Brain Fart #876754 and #2587412- Names and Gas Trucks

#1- Hi my name is :)

I wonder if someday someone will be named ":)" emotion icon for smile?

Can you be named punctuation mark? If you could be named a proper noun like this you could never be a wink " ;)" Since the first letter would have to be capitalized. I find this very troubling.

#2 - I wonder if gas tankers will start to carry armed guards as the price goes up? Kind of like an armored car does for money? Full tanker can be worth $50,000 to $100,000 k not bad for a quick stick up.

I wonder if the current price decrease is because of the laws China enacted to clean the air for the Olympics. The are telling you who can drive by if your plates are Odd numbered or even. If they are odd you can drive on certain days if you have an even plate the others days. If you are caught driving on the wrong day you face tough penalties. I wonder if we will see armed guards after the Olympics is over and the prices go back up.

Weekend ReCap



Read: My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler - You know what I didn't like it. It wasn't as funny as the last one it was kind of monotone. I don;t really like reading about the sex lives or dating habits of other people. I think I am actually sick of her now. I think reading about this stuff is actually sad. Live your own life and have your own one night stands.


Had a decadent party - Fiesta theme complete with pinata, tequila, and chips. Needless to say I drank way to much.



Watched Meet Bill. This movie hit home. Not super stellar but it was one of those where I was in the tight place to appreciate its message.

Went for a walk and then a bike ride just tooling around the city thinking about what I want to do next....TBD

Friday, August 08, 2008

Public Service Announcement

I was told to design a presentation for the "General Public."

I voiced my concerns that I found this greatly troubling as I am not sure how the general public differs from the regular Public. Which portion am I in? How do I know? I am a part of some fraction that is outside of the general public? What if I design my presentation for the wrong audience?

When I asked if I could have funds to explore this subgroup of public.

This presentation quickly was given to someone else:)

I was told instead that I could work on the "Future Plan"

You can see where this is going?

You mean plan and event to plan in the future?

I am surprised I am still employeed

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Dream of the First Green State - Minnesota

Why don't we take a section of a sparsely populated potion of the state, say a million acres along the South Dakota \ Minnesota border. Put up the worlds largest solar and wind farm. This would generate 6 times the current energy needs of the state, making us not only energy independent but also the largest exporter of green energy.

Thinks about it we could even build fuel cell factories along the edge of these farms converting the solar and wind produced energy into fuel cells for cars.

We could take the billions we are currently thinking about contributing to oil exploration (That takes years to pan out) and start marking our freedom today.

If we used state funds to create this energy surplus and had excess supply to sell Minnesotans would get rebates similar to the oil rebates given to Alaskans.

Imagine the jobs this would create, Imagine the businesses that could be lured here if they didn't have to pay utilities, (Amounts to a tax break) Imagine the people who would be drawn to a green state, Imagine Minnesota the example for the world.

Imagine being part of something you could be proud of....

I want to believe in us again. I want to believe we can tackle the problems we face.

I just wish someone would quit politicking long enough to lead us there.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Sorry #1 and #2 I Only Have Eyes for #3

We have all heard the term, "Third times the charm." Meaning the first and the second tries at what ever sucked.

If this is true I wonder how people who were born 1st or 2nd feel?

What if their parents gave up defeated before #3?

If you are on your first or second love are you just running out the clock? Waiting for the other shoe to fall?

How many things do you get right on the first time?

Do we put so much pressure on ourselves to succeed right away that we are afraid to try?

As a rule I hate rule of thumb platitudes like this aimed at making failure feel better. Sometimes you just can't get back up on that horse....ask Christopher Reeves.

You Know Your a Country Girl....

Only girls who grew up in the country refer to themselves as "city girls" after they move to the city. I find this interesting for some reason.

You never hear a girl born in the city call herself a city girl. It is just a given and they have no frame of reference or are unaware of the contrast.

This is what makes country girls who move to the city appeal to me. They are multi-dimensional. There scope of life has more depth and I find it enduring.

Only when you have experienced both sides of the coin can you make such an assertion.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

For The Birds

This blog is my archive.
A bread crumb trail of thoughts.
Left by a man wandering down a path of madness.
Or the sanest reality the world has ever known...

Monday, August 04, 2008

Weekend ReCap


Dinner @ The Monte Carlo

Drinks @ Tailgate


Rented a boat on the St Croix and tooled around Hitting some sandbars for some afternoon cocktails.

Dinner @ Moose

Drinks Bogeys

Read: The Post American World by Fareed Zakaria. And immediately put a buy recommendation on it for every American. It is the most realistic view I have read to date about Americas place in the world. With a realistic looks at China, India and Americas place in the world.


Putzed around the house, Mowed, Trimmed Bushes, Cleaned. (I figured this counts as exercise right?)

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Bucket List and Tag

I am going to combine a two posts here I was tagged by Spirophita and pondering what I have to live for.

I have been feeling a little down and out wondering what is the point of struggling through one day just to struggle through the next? What is the point of life? What do I want to get out of it? What is left? Is the only point to have a few more good days? If that is the case I have already had enough....

So I spent the night pondering what is my carrot? What is going to get my ass through the next 40 years?

I have morphed this tag about six random things about me into six things I want to do before I die.

1.)Finish writing and publish two more books and publish an anthology of 2000 of my best journal entries.

2.) Successfully sell one patent or launch one business that makes money. (I have sold three and have barley broken even for the effort but I know one of these are going to pop)

3.) Have two buildings that I have designed built. I have the raw sketches. I just need a person with a hundred million dollars or more to build them. I don't even care if I get the credit for it. I just want to see them in a sky line some where in the world.

4.) Complete an a year long Asian vagabonding run that touches China, Japan, Australia and many more locations.

5.) Become fluent in Spanish and Latin dancing and enter into a contest in South America.

6.)After 20 years with the woman I love still be able to look into her eyes and know I love her and she loves me.

That is my carrot..

Friday, August 01, 2008


I am a battery,
In a dimming corporate flashlight.
Inserted in a cubical cocoon,
To extract wattage from my brain,
In exchange for all this nothingness.

I am in the matrix.
Coded by manners,
Social norms.
Enforced by passive aggressive,
Verbal whipping,
and ostracize -ation.
Bless you Mr. Smith.

I am a model.
Everyday I am in a fashion show,
A fitness contest,
A car show,
Trade journal,
Better homes and gardens.
I always score at the bottom.

I am page 398 news.
They must be out of ink.
Nothings there.
Like my story never existed.
It isn't reader friendly.
Like I never mattered.

(Sometimes I wondered if my hatred of all of this nothingness around me is because I have been enlightened to the point where I can reject it on my own terms or is because I am jealous that I don't have more better, newer and I am trying to appease my damaged ego....I wonder if it can be both)

Brian in Minneapolis
Bizzio Von Stuffensnatch (1977 - )