Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Cut a little too deep

Ever have so much to say to someone that you didn't even know where to begin so you just don't say anything? It is one of the slowest ways to torture a relationship. Like sealing a stadium filled with two people and pumping the air out one silent moment after another. Until all that is left is bitterness, sorrow and anger. All you need is time and silence. I am a serial killer. I am repressed rage. I am buried feelings. I am hurting. I am sadder today than I can ever remember being. I am a Hollywood set. I target bliss and skin it and tan it in my window. I target it because I want it yet and lack the ability to take care of it. Like a child with a puppy who has soon soiled an entire house before dying of hunger. I talk about accepting responsibly for self but don't listen to me, I am full of shit. Everything that happens to me is some outside force, some boogie man. I am very good at dodging the monsters that I have created. My life full of Frankenstein I have authored. Frankensteins who exercise every time I hold it in. Frankenstein that perch on my shoulders in ever increasing amount, that sit on my chest and make it had to breath, like a bully you have taunted who just won't get off of you.

I talked today, We talked today. We broke the noose of silence that was lifting us off this chair. I found my best friend again and I am forced to morn your loss all in the same day. Thanks for being my hero..... thanks for being the adult that I pretend to be...thanks for still holding my hand because I am scared...I don't know what life has in store for us, but I am glad that we have faced this part together and you will always have a key and friend just a phone call away...

B

7 comments:

Rocketstar said...

Well put.

dawnmarie said...

wow.

Megsta said...

"Ever have so much to say to someone that you didn't even know where to begin so you just don't say anything?".... um yes all the time, story of my life! Buried feelings are a bitch. Well said my friend!

Dem Soldier said...

Well done....I went through that with someone that I shared alot of time with few weeks ago, glad its over........

Brian in Mpls said...

Thanks Dem, It has been almost 7 years that we have been together so it has been pretty hard to say good-bye and go onto another part of my life and it is just all hitting at once...and shoot I don't even know the words...this might be the only time you will ever see me speechless...lol

But I thank all of you for the support
b

Megsta said...

well I somewhat agree, but just cuz you the man makes it easier for you to say so

Valley Girl said...

I like this post; its very poetic. I won't say I know how you feel because each situation is different, but I feel like I can really relate to the sadness, frustration, and anger you expressed when writing this.

Hope time has healed some of the hurt.

-VG

P.S.- Thanks for the nice note left back at my place.