Friday, February 17, 2006

Ten rules for hooking up with a co-worker

*wrote this as a joke for our workplace newsletter*

As many of you know, Many years ago I began a scandalous affair culminating in co-habitation and shared property. I have learned a few tips over the years for working and dating together that you may find useful should you desire pursuing the skirt/pants in the next cube.

1.) Never declare you affection for someone in an email,it be forwarded on to HR. Instead, wait until they are leaving for the day and corner them in the parking lot.
2.) If you are going to make out during work in the parking ramp the best place to park is in the basement on the backside that faces 76th street.
3.) Do not stop the elevator to make out, it makes a dinging sound that is very unromantic and will draw unwanted attention.
4.) Watch out for the cleaning crew….THEY do go into conference rooms too!
5.) Keep the relationship quiet until you get some then tell everybody what a slut the other person was.
6.)Fake lunch meetings and then escape through the basement once you set a pattern of having lunch together you will be expected to do this everyday…highly annoying!
7.)People are going to talk, so give them something to talk about. Put your home movies online and send the links to your team.
8.)Don’t release anything illegal you may be doing or tell them anything for that matter as the last thing you want is it to end badly…like you in a cell with some guy named Chomper.
9.)All public displays of affection should be forbidden unless you are both married to other people and this is the only place you can make out then I understand and carry on.
10.) Most importantly be adults, be respectful, "No" means no…do not be creepy. We can all spank a little ass and still get the job done I am living proof.

4 comments:

Rocketstar said...

Funny stuff.

My favorite is 4.)Watch out for the cleaning crew….THEY do go into conference rooms too!

I forgot about this one.

I have always "tried" (not always successfully) to....
"Don't get your honey where you get your money".

theresa said...

guy named Chomper

*shudder*

Dem Soldier said...

5.) Keep the relationship quiet until you get some then tell everybody what a slut the other person was.

Lol....happens....funny stuff Brian..

Say Rah! said...

i think [formerly] hot co-worker jay was on to something when he declared a personal policy against office romances.