Thursday, August 30, 2007

What makes me, me?

I would like to think it is the thought in my mind. That with a longer nose, bigger dick, missing limb or 20 lbs lighter I am still me.

But I am not...

For example if I get a boob job or lose my leg I am a different person then I was before. The attention I get is different. How I feel is different. How the world treats me is different. I have different experiences and life a different life...I am a new me.

My body shapes how I interact with the world and how it interacts with me. Those experiences are what makes me, me. Some are interactions shaped by genetics, some by choice.

For example if I smoke, I deaden my taste buds limit the types of restaurants I enjoy and frequent and people I meet and hence the experiences and feelings I have. If I choice to go to the gym I take another path. Regardless of the path I take I am different after the choice then before it.

Since I make 100 decisions a day I have a 100 ways I have changed by the time I go to bed.

Have you ever ran into someone you haven't talked to in years? Had that awkward silence and looked off into space....that is the weight of change. The gulf of how different you are...it is the space finalized by divorce...drifting...alienation.

You have not known me since I was 10....you knew me when I was ten.

There is a difference, if you paid any attention, if my life mattered to you, if I have done anything worthwhile, you won't know me after years apart. Those who know this, accept this, embrace this may enter my burial chamber for you are my friends.

Those who stare and laugh at my death bed jokes muttering same old Brian are the ones we can all laugh about as an inside joke because we know they are full of shit.

6 comments:

Mags said...

"You have not known me since I was 10....you knew me when I was ten."

There is a HUGE difference, and I agree with you 100% in this post.

Ma said...

tru tru... I used to know you I guess and you used to know me - it was fun being those people for a while, but I am happy to be the me that I am now.... and hoping that you are enjoying the current you as well (also that you can learn to love an appreciate all of the other past and future you's) by the way I can agree with this posting somewhat, but all in all I think the true core of a person always stays the same, no matter how much their physical and physiological selves change..... I believe that these inward and outward changes are all a reflection of us trying to come to terms with our core selves and present ourselves in a manner that depicts it all in perfect balance - when we don't find inner balance and acceptance we continually try to make changes either inside or out to present the you we feel that we are, so that the world around will perceive us that way too?? maybe...

Rocketstar said...

I really enjoyed this one man.

"Had that awkward silence and looked off into space....that is the weight of change." - I love this.

This is why long distance relationships do not work.

Dem Soldier said...

I have lived three continents as a child and as an adolescent I moved school to school...and I can tell you "silence and looked off into space" happens. We R never the same after every passing minute.

the108 said...

A-fuckin'-men. This post is just another example of why I love you. You are you, I am me... always changing and evolving into other things that are to be nurtured and respected. Unless they are bad things and then we suck.

*Ren* said...

You don't need a boob job!