Saturday, May 31, 2008

New Word #25412 - Wiends


Pronounced (Wends) A term used to describe freinds you have never met in real life only online. Derived from a combination of Web and Friends.

Coined: Used of the above word will hereby result in owing a royaly of 1 cent to the creator.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Radar Deflectors and Eternal Damnation

If there is one thing I can not stand it is people who place bibles in the review window of their cars. As if a cop walking up to give them a ticket will stumble upon its view and forgive them for speeding and swerving across three lanes with a baby stroller throwing off sparks as it drags on the ground attached to the hood.

People who use religion and guilt this way should be shot. They are using a shield of faith to protect their evil intentions. They have it there because they are planning on speeding. In my opinion this in the same category a priests using the church a platform and shroud to lure children into dark places.

Police who use this as a criteria for letting people go should be arrested.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I Want to Blow Shit Up With My Mind

This is the first step....

Monkey Moves Machines with Thoughts.

Brian Secret #2584126

As creepy as this might sound I love to watch funeral processions. I love to look at the faces of the people in the cars as they go by.

What usually shocks me the most is the look of indifference on the passenger, some times the elation's on their faces as if they are in a parade that is just for them.

As if they are saying pay attention to me I am grieving.

I like try to imagine the person and what they were like and how they died by the looks on the faces of people in their procession.

It is easier then you think to deduce. Station in life can be hinted at by the types of cars. Age by the faces and numbers in the passengers. etc,.

I wonder what mine will be like?

This morbid little musing is brought to you today to remind you that you are running out of time....time to do that thing, take that trip, learn that dance...

So what are you waiting for?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Its My God Forsaken Right?

Mr MRaz. You mean God Given Right? Right?

for·sake (fôr-sk, fr-)
tr.v. for·sook (-sk), for·sak·en (-skn), for·sak·ing, for·sakes
1. To give up (something formerly held dear); renounce: forsook liquor.
2. To leave altogether; abandon: forsook Hollywood and returned to the legitimate stage.

It is either brilliant or mindlessly worthless in a way only pop music can be...

"It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved Loved"

What does that mean and why am I still thinking about this? What is an example of a god forsaken right?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I Found It - My Bumper Sticker

I was walking home from Betsy's and crossing the Diamond Lake Bridge last night and I looked up and saw all of the construction on 35w. Towering cranes, Generators, Trucks leading in a path to my cities beautiful skyline and I realized this is my bumper sticker.

This view is the acknowledgement of thinking. The engineers, the inventors, the people of discipline and vision. The towering achievement of thought. It surrounds me. Its genius is in everything I touch and use everyday. It is beautiful and I realized a bumper sticker would only demean it.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Weekend ReCap


Drove to Wisconsin


Read Fair Tax, Fair Tax Book I am working becoming a fan in case you haven't guessed. Check these books out....please.

Kegger for some friends who are moving down to North Carolina

Doggers, Grimm's

Watched Transformers Damn Megan Fox is fine......


Read Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk, anyone who knows me knows I am a huge fan but this book started slow built up to the possibilities of a good ending then just kind of fizzled out. Still it was better then most other stuff I have read lately and I devoured the 200 pages like a crack addict.

Went to a Reggae Festival in Wisconsin...Yes Reggae Festival in Wisconsin and it was a blast.

Moose Inn, Doggers


Relaxed Dug a big hole.

Pretty Fly for a White Guy - Brianisms

Brianisms -

Brian - Hey you, Malibu called they want there most wanted back. (This actually almost landed me in an awesome bar fight this weekend)

Brian - I have treated toads like pricesses and princess like toads.
- F: Is that your way of saying sorry?
Brian -Actually I put you in the first catagory.

R - Doesn't he know he has hit rock bottom?
Brian - A wise bench once said everyones bottom is different.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Solution to America's Problem

This is in regards to my Medicare Post.

Two books. Three Research Papers. Twelve websites. Six Excel and Access Models Later I think there is a winner to the solutions we are looking for in this Country.

I was shocked to learn it comes from a Republican.

I was more shocked the more I modeled what what being detailed in their book and found to be correct.

I was even more shocked when I realized I would walk across the isle and vote for a republican for the first time in my life who was willing to address this problem.

I was also shocked at how much consideration this book and approach actually takes for people at the poverty end of the spectrum.....from a republican?

I am going to back the FairTax and any candidate who is going to advocate it as a solution to our financial problems.

It is bi-partisan time. It has to be...before it is too late.

I have a copy of this book I will ship to anyone who wants one.

For more back ground on the problem that we are about to get blindsided with try picking up..Where Does the Money Go?

Send your address to my email @

Saturday, May 24, 2008

We Are All Fluffers

Most people use the term incorrectly now so let me start with a definition. A Fluffer is a paid employee on a porn set who is responsible for giving hand jobs and blow jobs to male actors to ensure that they are hard and ready to perform. They are also responsible for cleaning the actors and the sets after the act is done.

The definition as it has morphed and is used in the business world is a person who does some demoralizing act in order to set someone else up for glory.

There are some big assumptions here to using the term fluffer in a deeming way.

- Is giving blow jobs and hand jobs a deeming act?

- Is it bad to be the person behind the scenes setting up other people?

Plus I am almost positive that there are people out there who being a fluffer would be a dream job.

I am almost almost positive that every job out there requires an act of fluff where you set someone else up for a money shot even at your own expense.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Radio's Relationship to My Stars

I have this terrible habit of clicking through radio stations like mad when I am driving. I tend to get almost paranoid that I am listening to one song while a much better one is playing on another station.

To the point that I sat down and wrote requirements and pseudo code to send to XM radio so that my display screen would show what is playing on my top five stations so I could see my choices without interrupting what I am listening too.

Somewhere around page 8 of writing my BRS I realized that my sickness with the radio is my primary problem with women.

I tend to like songs not stations but songs are over in five minutes.

I tend to like several genres.

I have a sneaking suspicion that something better is going on somewhere other then where I am even to determent of the song or relationships.

So you do you resolve the dilemma between the long term and the short term without settling? Or fragmenting both?

I can code my radio but how do you code your brain?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A Better Truth Be Told

I wonder what would happen to sales or consumer confidence if products like weight loss pills, exercise equipment, get rich quick schemes, _______ (Insert infomercial product here). Had to use people in their advertising who represented the average result of their product.

E.I - I lost one pound and $40 dollars after three weeks on Trimchew.

E.I - I bought the worlds most expensive piece of exercise equipment and it is still in the box but I am too chick shit to return it so I just took it up the ass. Thanks Blowdex.

I hate the use of results not typical advertising. I am all for stretch goals, but there is a limit to how much you should be able to push pipe dreams. Some of those results are so far out of the standard deviation for the products group vs a control group it is crooked.

I think it is time for a better truth to be told.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

It's Not Me........

I am not that Brian Johnson in Minneapolis.

I am not sure if I shopuld be flattered or disgusted with all of the people that think this could have been me? Thankfully one of these news organizations finally put up a picture of him so there is now proof it is not me..

The Dark Side of the Great Society - Medicare.

We need to cut medicare. Phase it our over the next five years. We found away to get along in this country before it came into effect in 1965 and we will need to find a way to get along after it is over. It is 100 times more expensive then estimated. Otherwise we are going to be tied to a sinking ship that is already half way under water.

If people bitch that they have been putting money in it for 50 years and are now not going to get a thing here are a few replies.

Humanitarian Reply
"Looks at all of the people you did help all these years"

Realistic Reply
"Bet you wish you would have been voting for someone who didn't squander your money or was too big of a coward to address this issue all these years"

Truthfully the framework that caused Lyndon B Johnson to enact these programs in the name of creating the great society in the sixty's is no longer present. The programs, the variables the assumptions have proven greatly off and it is time to abandon this program.

Before it is too late...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Delusional Damsels and Somethng About Realistic Dating Ecpectations.

"There are just no gentlemen left in the world"

"Where is my Prince charming?"

"Where are all of the good guys?"

"Where is all of the happiness that I deserve?"

Ok I need to briefly address the above statements. It seems as my peer group gets older people seem to complain more and more as we enter the season of love. I have to challenge the above assumption and causality. It seems that when woman recite and remember fairy tales they always picture themselves as the leading lady and they are simply getting what they deserve by receiving nothing less then Prince Charming.

They forget there are two people in these stories.

Anything less then a perfect princess would probably miss out getting the perfect prince.

Now I do not mean this to be harsh....but you are not Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, or Sleeping Beauty.

You may have to adjust your sights and expectations to fit the character you would be playing in the story.

Either that or just stop bitching to me because one no one really wants Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, or Sleeping Beauty. They are fake figments of imagination, idealisze versions of something that would easly grow old.

It is the reason that fairy-tales always end after the first kiss and yada yada all of the trials and sweat with the lie, "They lived happily ever after"

If they were forced to write those pages you would smile in your life again.

How are you going to write your own story?

Monday, May 19, 2008

Check-Out Girls - Stuck in the Middle

Sometimes when there is a really cute cashier I like to go up to the counter and buy two boxes of magnum condoms and some KY- Jelly and strike up some small talk.

Unfortunately as soon as I leave I have to throw them away since I only fit into those in my dreams.

The KY can come in handy in the following manner though if you apply it liberally to the entire toilet seat the next person who goes in there has a good chance of sliding their bum into the middle of the seat and get suck. This is very painful and embarrassing for them but what do you care you are outside with a drink laughing your ass off.

You can also soak all of the TP with it too or do just the TP alone...

Either way this will improve your entertainment factor by 15% on any given night.

Weekend ReCap


I messed up.


Read Candide by Voltaire and loved it. I wish I spoke French just so I could read the original in his words.

Watched No Country for Old Men. Fantastic movie:)

Went to Bogey's and Time Out

Came Home Repented for Friday


Cleaned out all of my closets got rid of like 10 bags of junk. I actually feel lighter.

Boring weekend but a necessary turning point.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Non-Fiction Fiction - A Child Named Brian

I use words like make-up to cover a bruise
Paper Mache lie exoskeleton in 12pt font
Linguistic plastic surgery to alter my appearance
Not for your sake
for mine
I am verbal camouflage
Covering my forest of doubt
Alphabetic Misdirection
There is truth in this fiction
But you never know what part

I told a story once of a child named Brian
He was such a promising kid
Nothing ever bothered him
He was good at everything he touched.
People loved him.
He could have been anything he wanted.
He cried in a closet at night.
Wept into his sweaters so no one would hear.

This is my good side
The one you still respect
The one who hasn't told you everything
Except what you wanted to hear.

One day I will write the story of a child named Brian
The scared little boy who bribed the coolest kid in school.
Packet of fruit snacks to sit with me on the bus.
Two fruit roll-up to get picked in the top three for kickball.
So insecure he crawled into the shell and forgot how to get out.

No one really loved him for who he was...only what he could do.

One day he just stopped...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Short Wave Human Breaks Below the Surface

I am a wave
A crashing break of apathetic incoherentness
Scrambling it self into million pieces
I am the undertow of depression and numbness it creates
I am the rising reassembling of clarity
Cresting a vision, freedom from this shackle
Absorbing the beauty of reality
Seeing clearer and farther then the pool around me
Freedom knowledge

I am a wave
I am a crashing break of apathetic incoherentness
Scrambling it self into million pieces
I am the undertow of depression and numbness it creates
I am the rising reassembling of clarity
Cresting a vision, freedom from this shackle
Absorbing the beauty of reality
Seeing clearer and farther then the pool around me
Freedom knowledge

I am a wave
I am a crashing break of apathetic incoherentness
Scrambling it self into million pieces
I am the undertow of depression and numbness it creates
I am the rising reassembling of clarity
Cresting a vision, freedom from this shackle
Absorbing the beauty of reality
Seeing clearer and farther then the pool around me
Freedom knowledge

I am a wave.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Solo Vs Single

First, it is necessary for me to define the difference between two terms for the the purpose of this post. Single vs. Solo.

When you see a group of girls or friends out on the town they may not be with a partner in some respect but they are with a group of people and not by themselves so while they may be single they are not solo or out alone.

When you travel for work you are alone or solo you might have a significant other somewhere but you learn to function solo. You have two choices get trashed in your hotel room by yourself or go out on the town by yourself solo.

It took me a little while to get used but once I did it is incredibly liberating. Your whole experience in your hands. I now do not even think twice about going to a movie or bar or out to eat alone. Other people seem to feel pity for you for some reason when you are out by yourself, I have no idea why? I pity the people getting trashed in their hotel rooms or sitting alone at home watching TV because they don't have anyone to go out with and are afraid of the solo trip, but that is besides the point.

When you see a woman at the bar alone or solo you have the potential for a beautiful thing. Most solo woman at bars are not single hence the distinction. They usually fall into a few categories.

1.) Single New In Town and Outgoing
2.) Married Husband Travels and they are lonely
3.) Single Mom needs night out away from the kinds couldn't find anyone to go with but fuck it I need a night out.
4.) She is traveling for work and looking for a good time.

All of these go well for a one night stand. A good one since you are both there solo making your own decisions aware of what you want. It is beautiful.

When you see one see one you will know them.

1.) They are looking around but not at the door like they are waiting for someone.
2.) They are not looking at their watch and their phone is not on the counter.
3.) They order a drink right away.

If you were there before she was let her almost finish her drink. It takes the edge off and gives them a bit of time to get nervous. Then send a drink over and make an air toast but then go about your business if she continues to make eye contact point to an empty chair next to you and motion for her to come over.

I tend to always do this because it is fairly easy to spook a girl by invading her space and being creepy.


Have fun

Do what you both came here solo-ly to do.

We all got needs don't be a hater...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What Does Cardinal Rule Mean?

Cardinal derives from Latin cardo meaning "hinge", so that something cardinal is important because all else hinges upon it. Therefore, a cardinal rule is a fundamental rule.

For example if you believe in Judaeo-Christian religion:

To disbelieve in God is a Cardinal Sin because everything hinges on this singular belief.

My current class is a negotiation class. A class I am very good at because it is something I have seeming always intuitively understood. Every argument or belief that a person has is built on a cardinal rule. A fundamental pillar that everything else is supported on. All you have to do is weaken that pillar and watch the walls come down. The structure collapse.

I kind of view logic and reason as eminent domain of the mind. Clearing away structures and beliefs for more efficient uses.

I also forget that not everyone appreciates having their structures undermined as much as I do. I am supposed to appreciate compromise and working to increase the size of the pie, but to do this is to admit in superstitions that I can not. A break in my personal integrity that I am unwilling to compromise in the name of some undefined greater good.

(What most people mean by the term greater good is their good. That you should do it for the greater good is that you should become subservient to their needs)

I learned that what I am really good at is debate and not negotiation, that I have a higher level of personal integrity then I thought and also I am easier to persuade then I would like to believe.

What are my Cardinal Rules that you pick up on reading my posts? Honestly what is your perception.

What are your Cardinal rules?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Weekend ReCap


Mowed the lawn

Went to the Dells stayed Chula Vista.

Danced and drank like a rock star @ Marley's


Golfed the single worst round of my life @ Christmas Mountain. I am not even going to say what it is, but for just a hint I gave up on the 12th. The worst part of it is I did it in front of people who will never let me forget it...

Conference calls with 6 florist.

Dinner @ Fields in the Wilderness

Drinks @ Sharky's and Monks


Watched: There Will Be Blood - It was slow but I really enjoyed it. Say it, "I am a false profit and god is a superstition." There are a few people I wish I could clobber like that.

Called Mom: Sent Flowers

Finished: How to Make Millions with Your Ideas: An Entrepreneur's Guide by Dan S. Kennedy. I love these kind of books they are practical and inspire me to try new ventures and look at the world differently. At the very least they give me insight into the kinds of items and strategies that I can negotiate and a deeper understanding of business environments. I would almost say I have learned more about business from reading these kinds of books then the six years I have been in formal school studying it.

Sunday Dinner: Kung Pao Chicken...Yum

Friday, May 09, 2008

Another Reason High Gas Prices Suck

In a conversation that made me chuckle for hours last night I was told by a sole proprietor who specializes in recreational entertainment facilitation that due to rises in transportation costs that the price in certain party favors was going to be increasing. He went on to explain it was either that or have product stepped on further or shorted

No wonder there has been so much garbage floating around latley...

Damn economy...

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Freedom Isn't Free a.k.a What Else is New

Before there was freedom to send troops to defend there was a thought. It was revolutionary. It is what separates you from the monkeys. It is the ideals that were created by thinking. Someone saying you know all this killing and pillaging and waring is maybe not the way to go.

Why don't we see signs that represent that beginning? Not glorifying protecting it with means that can be prevented by it.

That kernel that existed before we had to kill people to defend it.

The one that was forged with the sweat to change peoples minds to a new way of thinking not by placing a gun in their face but by using logic and reason.

The blood of those who urged us to think different. Think for ourselves.

Vets are only a secondary act that defends our ability to think and create for ourselves.

For violence and war is a form of slavery it is not freedom. Violence is never freedom in and of it self. It is only one of many tools that is used to usher freedom. It is the most barbaric and for some reason praised the highest.

Have you ever tried to change someones mind? It is much easier to kill them.

Why don't we give thanks to the thinkers that bleed on burning piles of superstition Thinker that advanced science, medicine, philosophy. The women who burned at the stake because they dared to think differently then the prevailing masses.

Thinking isn't Free and it is a lot harder then resorting to violence.

Where is sign honoring freedom of though and those who fight for it by exercising their mind?

What would it say?

Support Our Thinkers

Support Our Scholars

Support Our Creators

Support Our Producers

Support Our Enlightenment

Instead we Support Our Troops (Which is not a bad thing, I just fail to see why it is the primary thing we support)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Hackey Sack, Mental Conditioning and Memes.

I was watching a group of kids play hackey sack out of the local coffee shop last night while I was busy typing a paper I later disregarded to write this blog.

Thinking is a lot like hackey sack. You get a meme it often comes to you like a wild pitch. You have to get it under control and move it around to understand its weight, flight patterns, density, and bounce. You juggle it according to a set of predefined rules like logic and reason then you have to pass it to someone else in a gentle form to make it easier for them to do the same.

1.) I have problems with my meme passing. I write sloppy papers. Defy APA. I am not presenting my memes in a way that is easy for a reader or person to pick up and control.

2.) When you form a circle a of peers skill and thought level just like hackey sack level is important. Everyone needs a certain level of skill, desire to learn, will to try in order for the circle to function. I don't want to be one good guy with a group who sucks. i want to be a decent guy among a group who is really good. So I can get better.

Who knew that watching a couple of kids playing hackey sack would lead me to understand that I would rather be a small fish in a big pond then a big fish in a little pond.

How about you? What does your pond look like?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Nursing Ponds for Frogs - American French Food

Sometimes I wonder what happens to all of the bodies that used to be attached to the yummy deep fried frog legs.

Is there a handicap accessible swamp where they all relax together. Little frog wheelchair races in the mud. Prosthetic limbs made out of twigs.

Do they feel envious of the other frogs who still have their legs? Croak out their indignation to the moon light in a stationary show of force.

If I looked into a garbage can at a French restaurant would I see it filled to brim with the rest of Jemimah?

What happens to the rest of the frog once we take the legs off?

I am guessing the answer is a well kept secret of a blender and the person selling a cheap Foie Gras.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Walden - Henry David Thoreau

I read this book over the last week and here are a few excepts that got me going. This was a great book.

"But men labor under a mistake. The better part of the man is soon ploughed into the soil for compost."

"Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but religiously follows the new."

"He had been instructed only in that innocent and ineffectual way in which Catholic priest tech the Aborigines, by which the pupil is never educated to the degree of consciousness, but only to the degree of trust a reverence, and a child is not made a man but kept a child."

There was a million great lines in this book and after reading through it you could see why it is one of the most quotable books ever published.

This Weekend


Watched 27 Dresses and fuck you I liked it.


Opening Day @ Canterbury Didn't do too good but it is always a blast.

Drinks @ Arizona's

Drinks @ Tailgate

Drinks @ Jun Bo


Finished Walden

Raked Yard

Cleaned Gutters

Sunday Dinner - Cornish Game Hens, Cheesy Rice Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes with Cilantro and Lime. Topic: How drunk we all were yesterday.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Feng Shui Isn't Water It's Orange Juice

My drink of the moment is Captain Morgan and Orange Juice so it was no surprise that 5 minutes after I got home from school last night I found my self pouring a glass. As I was topping off the glass I did a curious thing, I just kept pouring until the orange juice was bubbling over and streaming down the sides of the glass and onto the counter top.

I stepped back and made another drink in another glass and left this mess on the counter. I watched it curiously drip over the sides and eventually harden up on the counter over a period of and hour. It was fascinating. Actually watching it dry.

My whole life I stay in the bounds of the glass. Never filling it all the way up for fear I might spill that I might create a mess. I stop short and hold back. I don't say what I mean too.

Why am I afraid of mess? Isn't it a sign i have just had too much Orange juice a reminder of something that I enjoy, a touch over indulged in. Or am I supposed to be clean? Hold it back. Don't waste. Save that juice for another day that might never come?

Brian's dichotomous army's taking the field. Cannon blasts from the side Restraint zero in on Over-indulgence. But Restraint is always outnumbered here. Over- indulgence never stops shooting.

I climb into this bottle like a driver getting into a car without brakes.

I am Feng Shui in a pile of sticky orange juice.

I am the patients to watch it dry.

I am the spontaneous spiller.

My cup runneth over.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

First Third Results - Brian In Minneapolis

On my 30th Birthday I set the following goals. 120 Days Later Here is Where I Stand.

1.) No more smoking ever.
2.) Only one soda a day.
3.) Three new products\business under development.
4.) Workout 3 times a week.
5.) Read a book a week.
6.) Watch one movie a week.
7.) Try at least two new restaurants a month.
8.) Complete at least one maintenance or home improvement project a week.
9.) Cut down on drinking to 3 days a week.
10.) Reduce debt by 50% this year.

The results

1.) A+ No smokes in 120 days:)
2.) A+ 2 sodas a week.
3.) A+ This is secret for now but a few of you can verify this so people know I am not lying.
4.) D- Maybe I have been working out one day a week.
5.) A+ 2 Books a week on average. I am so glad I am back in this habit.
6.) A+ Some good ones.
7.) A+ Yum and Yuck
8.) A+ of all the things I am most proud of this. I tend to let things around me fall apart due to neglect. Whether it is relationships or weather striping. So to make an effort to repair and maintain and stay true to this is a big deal to me and it feels good. Now if I can only start to do the same with my friends.
9.) F - No explanation needed....I am a drunk
10.) A+ - On track

So apparently I can take care of everything but my health.

So to correct this I have made the following health related goals.

1.) No more french fries.
2.) No eating in my car.
3.) Take one class and learn one hard skill a month that will benefit my health. Karate, Dance, Cooking ect.
4.) Day of beautification a month. Facial, Waxing, Massage, Manicure, Tanning not all at once of course but one different one in month in a symbolic gesture to remind me to take care of myself.
5.) Three drinking days. Wed Happy Hour. One Day a weekend and a floater to be used at will to cover events that come up. I figure people can come see me if they want too I am sick of bending to other schedules.
6.) Cooking more of it...i am getting good.
7.) Exercise 30 minutes every day. No joke I am doing it. It will not be gym related. I am pumped.

I will let you know how this goes in August.

I Have Had a Few Belts Already...

I was recently called by a friend who is in town from India asking if I wanted to meet him out for a late dinner.

I said, "Sure but I have already had a few belts and I am not driving do you want to come here or pick me up?"

To which he replied, "Why are you wearing multiple belts and what does that have to do with driving?" (He asked me if this was a fasting technique and I didn't know how to answer that either)

Huh...I realized I had no idea what anything I was saying meant.

What is a belt?

So I had to look it up. It is an abbreviated expression stemming from the I have a few under my belt it is in reference to having consumed something that is in your tummy which is conveniently under your belt.

But the expression "I have had a few belts after work" seems to be confusing in this context unless I am implying that I have drinking enough to fill the tummy's of multiple people's belts. (Which is realistic more days then it should be)

Have you heard of this expression? Is this a Midwest thing?