Thursday, April 06, 2006

Joy Is A Capsized Ship - Part 1

Joy is a capsized ship sinking
I cling to the debris that floats
On the surface
Or at least I used to
This time I swim away
Clothes on my back
Freedom from all the cargo I have stowed
The first time my ship sank was
March 23 1988
A telephone call torpedoed my hull
Taking out my knees and causing me to fall to the floor
Water poured in so loudly
It drowned out my mothers words,
“You dad is dead”
I was 10 years old when I began to build this wall
A wall that cannot be seen from space
But is no less impressive
Suffocated the pain
Isolation
Motion
Ingestion
Digestion
You can only tread water so long before your body gives out
My mind surrendered first
I switched on autopilot
I touched his face at the wake
It was cold, rubbery from the cement used to reconstruct him
To present him for my viewing displeasure
I cried
It would be the last time I would do so in public
I would hide it for many years
Behind walls made of bricks of deception, lies and silence
Walls so deep and layered
I became a city in a city in a city
I am lost walking my own streets
I built an island in a sea of change
I am stagnate
I am a prerecorded message
I am a prepared statement for the record
This was never live
Rafts are not the same as boats
They are easy to make and abandon
They are adrift in the sea
At the will of the currents and undertow
I built rafts for many years
I loved the undertow
I mistook its movement for progress
Drowned me
Inhale water
Exhale wasted potential
This time it was different though
Something changed

8 comments:

Rocketstar said...

Wow, excellent man, excellent.

There are other ships of joy in the sea.

lauren said...

"When your ship runs into a storm, don't change your destination; change your course."

I like the way you constructed this, with the repetition of "I" statements. Looking forward to part II (even though part I made me sad for the little boy lost.)

Megsta said...

I'm speechless - this was quite profound. I must say that it's been enjoyable and inspirational reading your writings lately. It's a truely beautuful thing when one can delve that deeply into themselves and pull out from their mess something so eloquent(not trying to say your insides are messy, but you know what I mean, right?). Your Titanica is waiting my friend, the need to tread water is slowly disolving!

Megsta said...

PS
yes Lauren, I too am looking forward to part II!! I hope Brian didn't call this one part I just to tease us....

FACE said...

Building a boat for the sea of life, prolific. I personally shot a cannonball threw the floor of my boat. Now I hang on dorsil fins, adapting and slowy evolving to my enviroment. This way when I cry I don't need a bucket to get all the tears out, no more sinking if I exist in the sea!

Love you and the writtens, waiting on the book of thoughts, ideas, and explinations.

Much love to Sir Bizzio O'Bittensnatch

lauren said...

He wouldn't be so cruel, right Megsta?!

Brian in Mpls said...

lol...I can be a cruel tease. I am glad you like the I statements..lol Part two is almost all I statements and to a lessor extent part three.

Dem Soldier said...

Good one man.......The little boy has done well....:)