Friday, April 07, 2006

Joy Is A Capsized Ship - Part 2

A corner is turned
A right angle
Compass points north
Conversations spark new ways of thinking
They illuminate how rotten my hull is
On the horizon is a new view
I would say I walked a plank
But that is too simple
I wasn't spurred to a plunge into the abyss by threats
But by promises
I went willingly
I step off the end
Into an illusion of what life is supposed to look like
A siren charms my snake
I forget more than just my name
I spoke with my heart drained of meaning and blood
Blood that was pooled elsewhere
I am lust
I am greed
I am building a ship
Not for me
But for a show and tell
I am doing well
Just do not look too closely
I am insecure
I am frail
I am a movie set of perfection
My cardboard back turned towards
All that I loved
Paint only makes things look new
I left without even waving
My vows mean nothing
Because I am nothing
I walk across the water so filled with sharks you would swear the ocean was paved
I feel pain
I am being devoured by carnivores on the inside
I try to come up for air
The surface is frozen
My screams echo off from under the ice
The sun mocks me from the other side
Water fills my lungs
I am scared
I am hurting
I am alone
Forgotten words, faces, touches
It took me 15 years to be able to tell another human being that I hurt
Now no one is left to hear me
Everything I thought was important is frozen in the ice on the surface
I am dying
As I sink into the darkness
I see my imprint in the ice
Hollow man
Form with out substance
I close my eyes
And see clearer than I have ever seen before
Today is the day I cried in public again


Rocketstar said...

Crying is interesting. One theory for women outliving men is that they cry more than we do.

Crying actually releases stress relieving chemicals and we all know stress does actually kill you, I think I will post about that.

Drugs, sex and alcohol also reduce stress, which is my preference.

Dem Soldier said...

Brian...The ship has left...and it didn't left U....

lauren said...

I'm getting a better picture of you, Bri. I'm anxious to hear how this ends.

Megsta said...

Hmmm what can I say - part II was worth the wait! Nice work...