Joy Is A Capsized Ship - Part 3

To say I woke up is not right
It is closer to the truth that I came too
I am naked on a beach
In a port of my mind
Bleeding and blistered hands
Crack open and run with blood
Everytime a fist is made
Showers have been missed
My aroma is not pleasant
But I finally feel clean
I build this ship for me
This is a hull of actions
Seams of words
I didn't create the words
They have always been there
This is just my combination of them
Sentences spoken
Sentences written
Some order to the chaos of me
Made of letters and sounds
I write these words in my log books
Straight lines
Each one written untangles a snarl in my heart
Frees me from the burden of nots
I let go
I release you
I forgive you
I beg you for your forgiveness
No more wading
No more raft
No more treading water
I look for big waves
They expose the flaws in my design
I learn
I repair, patch, build
I still leak
I still rot
But less
I still see a distorted view in the mirror
Like looking into a muddy puddle swirled with rainbows of oil
A breeding ground of virus, bacteria and mosquito's
A picture of me
But this is closer to the truth
Then I have ever known before
Joy is lessons from a capsized ship learned
I pack differently now
No debris
captains log star date 482006
I don't know where this path leads
But I am going at full sail
Fear will not stop this vessel
Bring it bitch


These are not my words
But as I arrange their order
I take ownership of them
They become mine
These are now my words
Painting my inside for you to see......


My Name is Brian Johnson and in so many words this is my life....