Ten Things That Scare Me

10.) Little People with Big Hands

9.) Being poor

8.) Being alone forever

7.) Spinney Rides

6.) Loud Aggressive Drunks

5.)Being Chased by Wolves

4.) Bacteria and Viruses

3.) Mitt Romney

2.) The Truly Devote

1.) City Rats

Happy Samhain :)

Survival of the Not The Slowest

Confession:

Sometimes when I am in my car I pretend I am a gazelle and running with a heard keeping a look out for the lion that picks off the driver going just over the limit. Watching for the score of break lights ahead telling of danger in the high grass of the over pass.

When ever I watch a police chase on TV I can't shake the fact that it reminds me of a pack of wolves hunting their prey inflicting little damage here and there until it just collapses in exhaustion. While vultures and scavengers fly above waiting for the carcass to drop.. cheering for the wolves to give them their next meal.

I am a vulture watching....chilling isn't it.

I'm Back:)

Wait you didn't even know I was gone did you? Went on an excursion this weekend to Milwaukee and Madison. There is nothing quite like Badger homecoming mixed with Halloween on State Street.


On the bottom of this site is some photos from this year under the slide shows.

My favorite team costume this year was a group that went as the Royal Tenunbombs (sp)

Ignorance is Bliss

I was listening to a story told by my professor in class tonight about how he assumed control of a large family company at the ripe old age of 25. He said "ignorance is bliss."

I started to think about that after I left. I wonder if that is why young people accomplish so much more then older people. They haven't learned how hard it is. They don't know what to expect so they try anything. They just go for it. Nothing can not be accomplished.

It left me with a thought that sent chills down my spine....

Have I experienced too much, learned to much, thought to much that I will never achieve anything of consequence?

Have I touched the pot of life and been burned too many times that I will never pick it up again?

Am I obsolete at 30?

Am I at a disadvantage because I can attest to most of this list?

Fair Weather Party People

Fair Weather Party People Ruin Holidays

One thing I am thankful for is that I am comfortable with who I am, with what I desire. I don't need an excuse to act out my fetish's. To dress up my inner whore. To celebrate life at happy hour so completely that I forget parts of the night.

As a kid I loved Halloween, New Years, Christmas. But now the thought of going out on these commericalized rituals makes me sick.

Stuck in a room with fair weather party people. Excited that they passed a non-smoking bill cleaning the air of someplace they frequent once a year. You know the kind they only go out for drinks on Holidays. They are rude. They snap their fingers at bar tenders or worse shake them in the air clanging ice around in a lowball. They flock to the good spots so they have a nice story to tell at the office the next day. A new picture to add to a dusty album that sits in a corner to remind them that their crappy big box suburban life hasn't been a complete waste. Pictures that come out as leverage in divorce trails and custody battles. Jim can't have the kids looks at how drunk he was last New Years. They break out tip calculators and make it impossible to get a drink or a spot to sit.

I feel saddened that I let these people intrude on my good time, but due to the annoyance that they bring I just can't help it. It is why I have taken to celebrating these holidays outside of the main steam and inside of rituals created by my small tribe of friends.

The only two holidays I like going out on anymore are not really holidays. Christmas Eve and the night before Thanksgiving. The fair weather party crowd is at home making sure napkins are rolled correctly and little Timmy's ribbons on his presents from Santa are perfect. Leaving the bar seats open for my kind of people. Deep lines in their face. Stress built up by the shoulders. People from other cultures...people who are alone. People who understand. People who need a drink.

While some people find this sad I find it utterly refreshing. I have had some of my greatest nights on these holidays. A sense of rebellion in the air. A feeling of humanity. A bond that can only be forged through the hardships of loneliness, poverty and sadness. Self awareness just below the surface of a whiskey sour that I didn't have to wait in line and pay a cover for.

Park Avenue Leads to Squid Row

Squid Row Bar Playa Del Carmen Mexico - Working on my Skin Cancer and Liver Deterioration(March 2007)




Life is hard when you are a gangster...

And in case you are wondering yes I climbed in that cage and danced for drinks.

Recommendation: The World Without Us

Recommendation: The World Without Us by Alan Weisman
Even days after I have finished reading this I can still not get the images described out of my head. It is there whenever I look at a house or building, it is there at the gas station and when I pick up anything plastic.

This book went off like an atom bomb in my mind that is leaking radioactive rays into my life's reality. One of ways that I use to judge a book is how vivid my dreams are after I am done reading it, this one has been off the charts.

It is a monument to the fallacy of man, to our arrogance, to the little blue dot we call home. It is a meme that is capable of changing the world and I would like to invite all of you to take a look.

The only downside on it from a research standpoint was that it didn't have very clear notation to follow how some of the material was collected, used and sited.

Aside from that it was one of the best I have read in a while.

Containment?

I have been following the fires closely and I think it is just gut wrenching. My heart goes out to those people in Southern California.

I was left baffled and doing calculations on my lunch napkin though after listening to the fire chiefs talk of containment.

I have taken several college and graduate level statistics classes and I am still unable to determine how they are arriving at the figures for fire containment in Southern California.

This fire is 5% contained or this on is 20% contained?

My theory I guess would be that a moving fire in a straight wind trajectory as in this case would always half to be + 50% contained since fires do not move backwards on a windy day and it is extremely difficult to re-burn what has already been burned.

If you envision the fire can move any direction in a 180 degrees, but if the wind is blowing it is unable to move in 360 degrees. Even if the wind suddenly changed course there is still the radius that has already burned?

What am I missing? How can it be 5% contained?

Push it Real Good

An interesting argument was brewing on MPR that I thought needed a definitive weigh in this morning. Apparently teen pregnancy, abortions and STD's are down a staggering 65% since 1999. The show featured two counter points one from Planned Parenthood and one from the Christian Coalition. The Planned Parenthood rep. was arguing the drop is coming from the increased availability of contraceptives for teenagers such as birth control and condoms while the Christian Coalition rep. was arguing that abstinence programs were working and should be expanded.

What do you think is the cause? Both?

Personally I think it probably has to do more with increased availability of supplies for sex, I seem to remember being very horny back then and I don't think too much has changed, but then again we are in Jesus land...

Dripping with Lies

Ponder Question.

Does the existence of lies mean that our moral code and societal norms are at odds with the true nature of our existence?

Does our society make us lie? or at the very least create the fertile soil for deception?

If our moral code and societal norms were more in line with the selfish gene theory I wonder if there would be less lies....

Video of a Memory

Recorded in the Recesses of Brian's Brain this 19th day of October:

Gold and crimson leaves circle in flowing water before vanishing down the storm drains of this now deserted street. Rain drops mixing with oil creating greasy rainbows that reconstitute with every drop in this downpour. A three dimensional psychedelic show as mans influence is cleansed from the street. I stand on a curb that while only a few inches above the payment creates a sensation that I am much higher. Perched on a cliff over looking something spectacular. While I feel feel the rain streaming down my face I don't feel wet. Not in the way you do when your clothes are soaked. My skin is a water barrier. A flesh umbrella. I am suddenly aware of the fact that rain is nature flushing its earths toilet. Like a piece of gum or cigarette butt I am to big to fit in the slits of this urinal. Someone will have to remove me.

I smile and look up towards the clouds.

A black car passes.

A light changes.

Someone in the distance honks.

New Study

Thought this was funny...


A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are planned at this time.

Slience Thru Noise

Imagine turning on one radio in your room
Crank it
Now add the TV
The Blender
The Vacuum
The Fog Horn
Some one screaming
Talking
Phone ringing
Door bell
Dinners ready
Beeping

There comes a point when all of the noise of life overwhelms your senses and despite all of the sound you hear a beautiful silence.

You can no longer hear anything

You have transcended sound

It is pretty cool...although I will warn you if you repeat this experiment too many times you will go deaf

Stress is

Stress is half the people double the cigarette butts.

Come on Truth

In my thinking one of the fundamental elements of truth is that it should be able to stand up to criticism and debate.

Al-Qaida doesn't seem to feel the same way. Bounty put on the head of cartoonist.

Reminds me of the same threats that were put on Salman Rushdie after he published the Satanic Verses. A great book if you are looking for something to read...it took me a while to get into it but once I was in I was hooked by his imagery.

Tiny Little Dancer

What way is the dancer turning?



I see it going clockwise although I would say the list of counter clockwise better applies...maybe I am not who I think I am?

Appreciation

In this life I have gone from a person who had nothing to a person who had anything they wanted back to a person who has nothing.

My flight on wax wings has taught me a little.

1.) Appreciate what you have.

2.) Don't strive for things, strive for experiences for atlas they can never be taken.

3.) I can and will survive and come back from any hardship this life can dish.

4.) I would rather have an understanding loving caring woman then ten million dollars

5.) You never have as many friends as you think

6.) People will surprise you with their generosity if you let them

and I am going to party and enjoy life whether it is going up or down.

Public Service Announcement

On Urine Testing:

Many people fail to realize that there are two types of urine testing

1.) Doctor testing during your physical

2.) Request for drug screening

It is important to note there there are differences in how you should take these tests that people are not aware of. During a test at your doctor you should make sure to collect the first few drops of urine in the sample. If you fail to collect the first few drops chances are you will test negative for certain things such as chlamydia even though you are positive for the disease. Certain STD's and infections are only present in your urethra for the first few drops.

For a drug screening for those of you who are worried you should pass the first portion of your urine into the toilet and start collecting mid piss.

People who do the drug screening piss for their doctor are cheating themselves and the people they come in contact with who think that they have a clean bill of health as they are giving themselves a false negative.

Just something to think about before you give your next sample.

Please be responsible in your STD testing, if you are having sex you owe it to yourself and your partners to get checked regularly.

Blood Cells

A startling revelation came over me this weekend that perhaps I am a single blood cell of a larger organism. The roads and walkways arteries that move me from one tissue to the next. Society is a mere organ of a larger organism.

Maybe we are meant to destroy the word...like a herd of termites that eat away a tree until it decays in the natural order of things. All this metal and rock we pull to the surface necessary for deeper irrigation of the earth like a hoard of five finger bi-pedal ants. Depositing materials on the surface that some next generation of species will need for evolution.

Perspective

I use a rather crude method of comparison when looking at tragedy or product recalls or medical trials.


Every year in the United States for the last 20 years we have averaged around 400 deaths per year from Aspirin. (Taken as directed)

Here is a product that can be purchased over the counter, that helps millions of people everyday and yet for one person who takes it every day in this country it is fatal. We love aspirin. We know its usefulness. There are no lawsuits. No protests to have it removed from the shelves.

I wonder why we have different standards for other drugs? Even though they could save people whose illness is much more severe then a headache. 10 people die and a glaucoma drug is removed from the market. 10 people get the runs from some undercooked meat and 12 million pounds are pulled from the shelves of stores.

We then sue companies for our own ignorance. Because we expect that it is other peoples jobs to keep us safe. To make sure that our lives are wrapped in bubble tape and everything I ingest is bland, radiated, inspected.

It might seem callous to say if 400 people haven't died from it don't raise a fuss because in reality it is probably safer for the general public then aspirin.

It does suck if you are one of the 400 but isn't there a certain point when individuals must sacrifice for the whole?

Signature Pose

I amways seem to be doing these weird things with my hands, but what can I say I am animated.

"The secret of success in conversation is to be able to disagree without being disagreeable”

Words of Wisdom

"Consumer Capitalism Economics is really just a big chain letter or pyramid scheme and we all know how those end usually in the trash or with someone in jail."

"Women are like books some of them you can only read once and you put on the shelf never to pick up again, some you read the first page and nothing more but there are magical ones you can read over and over again and it always feels like a different book."
"Brian, are you drunk?"
"Yes"
"Well I guess you are making sense then"

Gutters

"We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

Some of us pretend we aren't - Like republicans and Catholics (That's a joke people)

Some us play non-stop in the filth and love it

Some of us ignore it and are indifferent to it

Some of try to explain the gutter and make it better then it is

I wonder why sometimes we hide from that which we desire. Deny the very passion of existence.

How to you go after your desires? Do you go after them?

Take One

Here is a skit I would like to do for a TV segment:

Show up at the local dive bar dressed in a tux with a microphone and camera and a little patch of red carpet. Then ask the patrons as they entered who they are wearing...

Then I would like to have a star in a cage wearing an expensive gown and watch the crowd tear it to pieces and then tear her to pieces. However I think I might have a hard time getting a permit for that.

Footsteps of the Masters

"Don't follow in the footsteps of the masters. Instead seek what they sought."


If our trail ends at this book then all is over.
All that is worth discovering has already been uncovered.
There is no point to look further for the answer of life has been transmitted to you in paperback edition.
Our world ended 2000 years ago.
Our need for growth, our spirit of change finalized upon camel skin and papyrus in a desert to the east.
Our life's meaning reduced to 70 year take home final.
You better study.
Walk in these footsteps or burn.
One two one two turn.

It would take a mere lifetime for anyone to even begin to understand this books meaning and unlock its secrets...like a puzzle or set of Chinese handcuffs to shackle your mind...blinders for a horse made to walk on a grooved path.

I do not attempt to state I know a answer, but I do know that you could also spend a lifetime studying the dung beetle and never unlock all of its secrets. I also know that life is bigger then the dung beetle and bigger then this book.

Perhaps the meaning of life really is just to give life meaning.

And we only differ so much as we define what meaning means.

Altruistic Roadblock

Inevitably every discussion I enter on the topic of religion as a evangelical atheist comes back the the point of ethics and virtue.

"How can you be an altruistic person of virtue without belief in the almighty? Society would go to pieces and we would all be unkind and mean."

I also find it interesting that people are more receptive to my selfish hedonist argument when stated in terms of deriving happiness instead of pleasure. For some reason pleasure in our society is considered a sin and conjours images of orgies and greed but happiness is considered a virtue and I would defy any of you to define the difference between the two.

But I digress I worry not of the fate of society because I believe that altruism is itself governed by hedonism and game theory.

And while I believe events are equally controlled by both of those things I try not to evoke the game theory argument for two reasons one people often dismiss it as rational and when dealing with religion rational arguments don't work as well for most believers and two it is a little more complex and it easily loses some of the audience. For that reason I appeal to the emotional side of the argument using hedonism and selfish drive to explain why the world will not unravels and go to dark side without religion.

Logic statement: Hedonism is doing that which derives happiness and makes us feel good. Helping people feels good.

Think about a time that you helped someone. Gave that homeless guy a five spot. Donated blood or brought in food for a shelter..... It felt good didn't it? Even if you didn't wear the sticker after you gave blood, or tell anyone about what you did....it felt good...admit it. It dare I say derived you some pleasure.

I wonder why we have such a hard time with the concept of helping people because it makes us feel good. To say that is to invoke the evil word of selfishness a word from the the time we are very little is taught as taboo.

I will get the argument back often I do it cause it is the right thing to do. Can't it be the right thing because it feels good?

Or without religion how do we know what is good to do so that we can feel good doing it? The answer to that is a little harder since we often surround ourselves with people like us....but if you look you will find non-believers doing the same thing that makes us feel good but this side of the argument is game theory and better had in person.

Remember if you go to church cause it makes you feel better...you are hedonist and we should not even be arguing.

Pined

It has occurred to me recently that there is a leadership style that is remarkably like a pine tree.

It never changes regardless of the weather(market)

It drops acidic needles under it so that nothing below it can grow or develop stifling change.

It is sappy when it needs to be and people think it is endearing until you realize it is merely a self defense mechanism and you have a sticky load all over your face.

When a big fire comes it drops its seeds and soon the whole forest looks the same and no diversity exists.

It only thinks inside the pine box.

(Ok maybe it is a little stretch but I would with all rights reserved like to be the first to also mention pine solved for the problem solving method of this leader to describe how no matter how many sweet lemons it uses to describe its plan it still smells like shit.)

Dilemma

Dilemma, from one of my favorite books, Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham if you haven't read it you should.

"He had pondered for twenty years the problem whether he loved liquor because it made him talk or whether he loved conversation because it made him thirsty."



Thanks for bending your mind with Brian in Minneapolis

BNN

New Today According to Brian

"Reporting what is going on in my corner of the world for 29 years."

Traffic Report: Lighter then usual even for a a Friday. Although a white Jeep was seen going slightly over the posted speed limit in the vicinity of 77th and Nicollet.

Weather Report: Raining consistently and cloudy at the moment but warm enough for a tee shirt.

Local News: A woman was observed boarding a bus this morning and although she was woefully undressed for the rain and quite wet, she had a tremendous smile on her face as she talked on her cell phone.

In other news: Somewhere in my general proximity there is a slight humming sound.

This has been a BNN Special Report

(This is one of the special things I love about blogging and reading peoples blogs you get more real news, you see the little events that cause happiness everywhere. You realize that billions of events happen all over the world and most of them are good. It restores my passion for humanity after I read the real CNN.)

The Cars that Go Boom

I was watching a show I had on Tivo about barbarians last night. They used to beat drums and scream to try to intimidate larger occupying forces.

I stepped outside last night after it was over to smoke in the autumn wind and a car with bass blasting rolled down my street.

I couldn't help but wonder if there was some correlation.

Am I witnessing a modern version of something we have done since the beginning of our time?

A noise that had be heard because the alternative was to silently let yourself become erased from existence.

Are car stereos an act of rebellion or did I just drink to much wine?

Who's side am I on in that rebellion?

I have always found the noise irritating but maybe I have just been missing the point.

Maybe in my quest to not be bothered with anything I have silenced the noise of life. The noise that says we were here....We mattered....We didn't go quietly to the slaughter...

For the guy with the Harley muffler, the G- with the speakers, the teenager with angry noise pouring from your speakers Thank-you. Not cause your cool. Not cause you are right....but because you reminded me to listen to the sounds of the forgotten.

The sounds of possibility, hopelessness, pain, ostracism, alienation, rebellion..of change.

The kind of sounds we don't talk about. The vulgar ones we shush. That we punish.

Tonight I listened and heard.

This Dream

Last night somewhere in my slumber I entered a house. It was a house that I knew. It was my grandparents house on lake Florida in Minnesota and there were a ton of people there and we were all talking and laughing and carrying on. After a while my Dad came in and told us it was time for bed and eight of us went into the back room and were laughing after lights out and playing like we were kids. As I laid in the bunk bed in my dream I began to realize that everyone that was in that house was someone I knew who had died. I started to yell to my friends and ask them if I was dead too but they just rolled over and disappeared. I ran to the garage to try to stop my dad from getting in the car and leaving, but he had already left and I knew I would never see him again.

I was alone in the house not sure if I was dead or alive. I walked out to the door and saw two figures down by the lake. I walked down the hill to greet them by the lake. The lawn wasn't grass but millions of garter snakes that moved over my bare feet. When I came up to them they were standing shoulder to shoulder in black robes and they parted so I could come between them. I couldn't see their faces but I could smell them and it was familiar. They didn't talk, they just pointed to the lake and I bend over and peered in. I don't remember exactly what I saw but I bolted awake in real life both sweating and with the chills.

And I had this feeling in my heart that someone I know is going to die.

Why Work When You Can Surf

Today's Website - Our Wicked Weighs - By EC:) If you have ever struggled with weight loss or are looking to get healthy in a humorous supportive environment check this out.

Today's Horoscope via the Onion. As a Capricorn and OCD member I found today's extremely funny:)


Today's Article - Neuroscience and Fundamentalism

The Brow Problem

I have a problem with the brow distinctions....

Highbrow

Middlebrow

Lowbrow


Who defines this crap....

If you can not see the beauty, artistry, symbolism and appreciation of female mud wrestling I don't think makes you better then me or more cultivated then me. Art is vulgar, life is muddy get some on you. I think any true intellect can see the wonder of the world, the symphony of life without front row tickets to the met...or a Harvard education. That is why I enjoy browbeating...

I Want to See You With My Own Eyes

Question of the day:

Yesterday an amazing event occurred in human history two massive solar objects were sent hurtling towards earth and simultaneously exploded over the northern and southern hemispheres. The flash of light was so bright that it burned the cornea's of every person on the planet causing permanent blindness. A secondary explosion released a burst of frequency radiation that targeted every zygote on the planet destroying the gene for vision. No man alive would every be able to produce a child with sight. By a random coincidence you were in a lead surrounded room and neither of these events effected you...you are the only person left on the planet with sight and the only man alive who can produce children with vision.

What would this sudden blindness due to civilization?

What would you do with your now super power vision of sight?