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Fucking People Over

Girls Who Give Head

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10 and 2

Pub Crawl Attempts That Never Quite Got Off the Ground

The Blindfolded Bar Hop

You guessed it everyone is blindfolded and drunk stumbling from bar to bar running into people, spilling and ultimately getting into a fight or hit by a car. Not a pretty scene.

The Laces Out Liquor Limp

Now this sound like a fun time until you realize you have signed up and not thought this all the way through. The concept is you have a team of four people. Every person has their shoes tied to the person next to them. All four people form a chain of tied shoes. Then teams of four race from bar to bar having a descending drinking contest.
For Example -

Starting Line - Shot of Tequila...then you are off....

First bar = Shot of whiskey and a full glass of water
Second Bar = Shot of Vodka and a full glass of water
Third Bar = Shot of Malibu and a full glass of water
Four Bar = You call it mix drink and a full glass of water
Fifth Bar = Pitcher of Beer and a full glass of water
Six Bar = Pint of beer and a full glass of water

First team where all four people drink the said drinks at each bar wins.

Why the water you ask? Did I mention the teams have to be co-ed.

This makes the full blatter problem of four people tied together in downtown Minneapolis a little more exciting, not to mention it is hard as shit to be drunk and tied to a drunk person next to you.

Ramadan Marches Towards Summer 10 Days @ a Time

Every year Muslim people around the world celebrate Ramadan. Every year Ramadan begins approximately 10 days earlier then the year before due to the differences in the solar year and the lunar year. It occurred to me that in 2015 Ramadan will be occurring during the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. This is rather significant since the faithful must fast from sun up to sun down. Just thought that was interesting.

Murder Suicide as a Financial Planning Tool

It seems like you can't open a paper these days without reading about some financially stressed out parent murdering their whole family and then murdering themselves.

This fascinates me to know end for some reason probably because I know that feeling when all else just seems so hopeless, what it feels like to disappoint someone you love and be seen as a failure in their eyes.

There is nothing more heartbreaking then not being able to fulfill the needs of someone you love.

I just don't see the need to take the rest of the people with you though?

I mean if these people just kill themselves don't their families get social security checks at the level of income they had before?

i know kind of a morbid way to get a government pension but I wonder if they ever thought about it?

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Like millions of Americans I jumped in my car after work today and dashed across the countryside for the long weekend. Unlike millions of Americans my car was packed with a Super Model, 2 cats and a dog. Kind of a moving Ringling Circus crossing the Wisconsin country side. People often ask me why I go so much, I guess it is the free popcorn at doggers, the distance away from all of the distractions in my life, a retreat of focus, but mostly I think it is joy of the augmented family it provides that is missing in my own life.

Saturday

Read: Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk at one time my favorite author but now just a passing curiously. Lately I feel like I am going through a city that used to be great, searching for that glimpse that the spark is still there and being disappointed. It was a decent read and it kept my attention but no longer worthy of the cult status laid out before him.

Sat and stared into the abyss of life not only did it stare back but it pulled a gun on me and demanded money. Guess this is what happens when you are day drinking...lol

Thankfully the Twins were playing the Brewers otherwise you have to kill someone to get the Twins game on in Wisconsin...seriously

Sunday

Cursed myself for only picking up one book from the library.

Had my first mowing experience on a riding lawn mower and it was a blast.

Two Oaks for some Burgers

Silvercryst, Doggers.

Monday

The drive home ....yuck....nap

Caved....

I am eating a little humble turd pie...

Brian in Mpls is back on Twitter....

brianinmpls@gmail.com

Another Poor Generalization

Is there a comparable obsession men that rivals womens obsession with shoes?

Then it hit me...sports are shoes for mens.

Back in Action

For the first time in three weeks, I did not tear up at the simple motion of getting out of bed in the morning. My back has been killing me and as if by some magic combination of sleep sequence I have arisen this morning with no pain what so ever in my back :)

I might be reversing course on my belief in gremlins

Times Side Effects

I have been waking up an extra hour early everyday to let the dog out and start the morning routine. It is amazing what you can do with an extra seven hours a week. Like get in a little 30 minute walk while sipping coffee and planning the day in front of you.

Running in Place

For the last three years I have been running in place more or less. No progress just barely mantaining my position while the speed keeps increasing. For a long time I was really tired and just wanted to stop, but today I woke up and looked down and it was maxed all the out, the speed was open as far as it could go and I am still running:) I am still here. I will still be here 10 years from now. There is nothing more that can be done to me. No more hands that can touch the speed except for mine. And all i have to do is keep this pace up and as the treadmill slows down I am going to begin to make progress and when finally stops you will see flames and dust in the wake I make filling in for lost time.

Smells Like Something is Up

What if there was an injection you could give someone that would make them give odd a terrible odor. Something like a combination of baking feces and rotting flesh that they could never get rid of or wipe off. People would be able to smell it for blocks. What if they gave the shot to sex offenders instead of having tall meetings to alert the people of danger. Would the shot be an invasion of privacy? I don’t think it would be cruel and unusual punishment cause there is a lot of smelly people out there.

Probably good reason not to let me become a biologist\geneticist because instead of curing disease I would be trying to do stuff like this…

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Project Blackout - I figured I was home with nothing to do for the night so I chugged a bottle of vodka.


Saturday

Fertilized

Mowed

Trimmed Hedges

Barrio for Dinner and Drinks

House Party....ended up a Tailgate...and with a full house of passed out guests and no coffee:)


Sunday

Watched the Twins game

Puppy Training Class - Looking around I suddenly realized I am really lucky to have such a good dog.

Watched the two hour Desperate Housewives season finale it was actually pretty good....no laughing please

Making a List

I wonder if Santa would go to jail these days for his naughty list? Maybe someone would turn him in for his "hit" list?

Expelled from the North Pole as bb guns meant for the nice kids were shown on the evening news being carried out by the police.

Santa in cuffs.

The scrolling news tag line on the bottom of MSNBC "Tragedy averted just in time for Christmas" "Tipster lead police to hit list with worldwide consequences"

Euphemism #58741 - Crate aka Kennel

I wonder how many dog owners would opt out of "crate" training if it was called "cage" training? One just seems more humane then the other. Just a thought.

PS Cage training is working really well.

Shout-Out to Oreck

I have had the same Oreck Vaccum for 10 year it still works fantastic and that is saying alot because I vaccum everyday. Last Friday the belt on it finally gave out and I brought it into the store looking for a new one and they fixed it for free! Seriously I will never own another brand of vaccum because the customer service with Oreck is so amazing.

Thanks Oreck man:)

First Fracture

The first fracture in my family started right after my dad died. It had the effect of dividing my family in two, my mom's side and my dad's side. As time went on I saw less and less of my dad's family it was just awkward and hard coupled by the fact that they lived so far away. When I did see my grandma who in hindsight was probably having the beginning stages of dementia, she would call me my dads name and start going kind of nuts on me. At eleven years old I never really knew how to handle it so I just stayed away and the fracture grew, like icebergs drifting apart across the ocean, until we were just strangers in a room together categorized by something called family that is supposed to have some magical mythical bond that I just don't feel.

It was the beginning of a crack across the windshield of my kin that would eventually shatter the whole thing. It was a stress test that failed.

I have come to think in the years that have come since then that it failed because there was no underlying bond or support rather then it caused the tear in the family fabric.

If blood is supposed to be thicker then water why do I feel so indifferent towards their existence?

Why do I feel more love and emotional acceptance and comfort from my friends and their families then from my own?

10 Bagger

Something fun for all the playboys out there. Next time you take a woman who is a 10 (maybe even a high eight) home from the bar (she has to know\think she is a 10 for this to be funny) right in the middle of making out with her break out a paper bag and ask her if she will do you a favor and put over her head so you don't have to look at her. Boy do they get pissed.

*This has been a hypothetical blog posting Brianinmpls does not necessarily agree with the views portrayed by Bizzio Von Stuffensnatch.

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Actually got some time to do some cleaning it is amazing how little you can get done when you have a little dog that will chew anything it sees to pieces as soon as your back is turned.

Tuned up the lawn mower and filled it with gas...too bad it rained and scratched that idea.

Vacuumed.

Washed all the sheets and clothes.

Got the wires fixed in my back yard!!! Yeah although I feel like an idiot that I couldn't figure it out myself apparently the wire got disconnected further back in the sleeve where I couldn't see it.

Cleaned out the fireplace.

Cleaned the bathroom.


Saturday

Mowed and picked up poop

Friends wedding

Pre-Wedding Party at my house.

Headed down to Church

Then St. Anthony Main for the reception it was really nice Congrats to T & M :)
(Although my back was still really bothering me so I didn't get to bust a move quite like i wanted too...lol wait I was the dirty sweaty kid)


Tuggs for some drinks

Sunday

Nook for a burger

Watched the Twins Game....Can't believe that was Blackburn pitching his best game of the year and the Twins still blow it.

Read: 13 Things That Don't Make Sense: The Most Baffling Scientific Mysteries of Our Time by Michael Brooks. I loved it a good refresher about core science fundamentals and not believing everything you think you believe the world and our understanding of it is an assumption and subject to change. Rocket you would like this one lots of stuff on the Cosmos, Physics and of course sex.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if stores would credit your account for a return as fast as they take your money for a purchase?

Home Depot I am talking to you!! Where is my money bitches..

Some Garlic...Maybe Some Cloves

Sitting here looking at a wet spot on my carpet left .00023 seconds after the puppy just came inside has me wondering what kind of sausage I could make him into? Maybe something spicy? I think he is still small enough to fit into my grinder without too much extra prep?

I am joking of course but the thought did cross my mind..lol

We are three weeks into it though and he is really good. Starting to get used to his leash, sitting on command, starting to get the concept of come and running to the door when he has to go outside. He has only had two accidents in the last four days which is really good and so far he hasn't chewed anything beyond repair. He is still waking up once through-out the night to go to the bathroom around 4:00am but I can live with that. It is pretty cool though I think I like him more then I thought I would:)

Broadcasters Beware

I have started a list of mini-boycotts that I am now doing when ever a particular song or add comes on TV.

Right now there are only two...

#1) Anytime I hear a U2 song played on the radio I immediately change the channel and will not go back for the rest of the day.

#2) Anytime I see that commercial with Sarah McLachlan and the abused animals that plays the entire song Arms of the Angels I change the channel and do not go back to that channel for the rest of the day. This was tested for real on Tuesday when it came on during the lead up to the Twins Game, but since I knew Blackburn was pitching and they were going to lose I didn't lose too much sleep over it.

Birth Control for Men

I hate it when women bitch about having to take birth control like it is some huge sexist conspiracy.

It is just easier chemically for women's birth control then it is for men, sexism has nothing to do with it.

It is just easier to block or confuse one egg a month then it is to block or confuse 3-10 million sperm a day.

Chicken Updated

Instead of two cars barreling down the road towards a head on collision daring each other to turn first I say we update the game of playing chicken to the modern era.

This game begins with two people sitting across a table from each other then taking a diet pill that will cause anal leakage if the amount of fat consumed becomes in excess of that which can be absorbed into the body. In the middle of the table are several large pizzas which must be eaten piece for piece by the players.

The first one to get up from the table is chicken.

Who Has to Work the Night of Cinco de Drinko?

Me :(

Two Blocks Away From My House!!!

http://www.startribune.com/local/44367757.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUUr

Splash Screen People

I can't help but feel like the majority of the people I meet latley are just Splash Screen people colorful introduction with no code behind them. Queries with no results. Placeholders for future development that will never take place.

Where have all the good people gone? I used to be surrounded by them all day everyday...I miss you guys...my brain misses you.

Weekend ReCap

Friday

Not a whole lot did some chores, played with the Puppy.


Saturday

Cleaned out the air conditioner.

Put up a temporary door.

Helped a friend mount a flat screen TV

Through-out my back...bitched

Had a puppy play date and drank till I stopped bitching.

Watched the Derby on TV...sorry guys Cantabury wasn't in the cards this year.

Went to Tailgate.

Went to Ikes

Passed out.

Sunday

Sat outside all day and caught up on some reading and research papers.

Went to Cafe Ena for dinner....thought it was pretty good although their Sangria doesn't come close to our homemade stuff:)

Getting Old....

The first pitch of the game last night Brian is lead off, as I kick and start towards first I feel both my hamstrings pull...ouch...fuck.

I probably just took something bordering an overdose of Alieve just to get out of bed this morning.

But I tell you this for as much pain as I was in, for as cold as it was, for all of the wind that blew last night, for playing two people short, that was one of the funniest kickball games I have ever played:)

Big ups to the Runs on the first win of the season and to Alieve for letting old people play like children.