Thursday, December 13, 2007

Button Maker Bandit Strikes Again

Brian + Broke + Button Maker + Right Color Polo = Disaster for Retail

It took me 45 minutes to get kicked out asked to leave this time I think that might be a new record.

A few years ago I got what I thought was the worst present in the world....A button maker.
Turns out this was the greatest gift I never knew I wanted. Being to broke to go out and drink more then mouthwash I have to find other ways to keep myself entertained. I have taken to making name tag buttons and dressing up in the uniforms of well known stores and posing as an employee then mocking people when they ask me for help. It is amazing how well you can blend say the Target, Home Depot or Best Buy with simply the right color polo and a name tag.

I like to make my names on the buttons as awkward as possible using foreign names, women's names or names that resemble body parts or curse words. It has that extra sense of awkwardness' that is so fun.

Customer 1: Do you have toy X?
Button Bandit: Why do you want your kid to be dork?

Customer 2: Do you have this in this size
Button Bandit: (Just laughs and then points at their penis and walks away)

Customer 3: Do you have this brand?
Button Bandit: Wow you must be poor! or have a small penis.

Customer 4: Do you have this toy?
Button Bandit: Lets start with mouthwash in isle three.

15 comments:

Muffy Willowbrook said...

That is so funny! Good stuff!

Ma said...

yr so freakin hillarious - let me know next time you go out button banditing, I'd like to be a fly on the wall...haha!

Ma said...
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the108 said...

I have never laughed so hard in my life...LOL! I adore you :-)

Michelle's Spell said...

This is hysterically funny! Thanks for making my Thursday!

Michelle's Spell said...
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JP said...

I work for one of those companies listed and if you'd like to get your hands on a "real" name tag... I can come through with that. Not sure what kind of name I get you.

Rocketstar said...

dude, that was hilarious, don't get arrested.

Terri said...

This is absolutely one of the funniest things I've ever heard! I'd pay money to see you in action.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Wow...The108 said that she thought you and I were a lot alike.

She is a perceptive little monkey.

http://pointless-drivel.com/?p=927

Cheers!

EC said...

You have a great mind :)

the108 said...

I have pimped you out to the great Mr. Fabulous who I suspect just might be your long lost brother. Seriously... the two of you are just insane enough to be awesome! Go check out his blog!

Yours Truly said...

Maybe in the summer time you could pose as a gas station attendant and pump gas. Take the money and run!

Kristi said...

Well see now I want a button maker too.

Mags said...

Ha ha haaa..let's start with mouthwash in isle 3. You are hysterical!!!