Friday, February 29, 2008

Barianas Trench



Luck has nothing to do with it

The barrel feels coarser in my mouth,
Than it looks.
My tongue instinctively goes into the hole,
As if it could stop the 12 gauge slug from tearing off the back of my head.
Stopping my clock.
Thoughts sprayed across the walls of this unfinished garage.
My last fuck you,
As if I haven’t issued enough .

I feel like a bird nested in this pile of papers.
My mini mountain of misery.
Thank god the mail keeps coming.
Thought I would catch a break after the phone was shut off,
After she left,
But they can still send letters.
Most of them are not even open.
As if the balances,
Summons,
Condolence cards,
Don’t exist,
If I can’t see them.

I can smell the vodka,
In the sweat that is dripping down my face.
I like how it feels when the droplets pool on my chin.
Hanging there for just a second before they fall to the ground.
I am in my own little pool of filth.
Mess that I created.
That I am too weak to clean up myself.

Abandoned,
Hurt,
Humiliated,
Angry,
Depressed,
Sad,
Stressed,
Sorry.
It is all in the letters,
Sitting in the mail box,
With its little red flag in the air,
Waiting to tell you I am sorry,
That I hate you,
That you ruined my life,
That I am a coward,
That I should have never been.


*Poem and Picture From Gagging on the Wishes*
By Brian Johnson All Rights Reserved

*Hard to believe I was in this frame of mind three years ago, for those of you who wondered about the title it is a a play on Marianas Trench, which is the lowest known point on the planet. It is also a play on all of the letters in my name in a feminine form indicating a lost of control and de-masculination, a lot of people emailed me when they got the book trying to point it out as a typo*

7 comments:

Kyra Sutra said...

It's been a while since you posted your poetry... I have missed it :)

Bill From Gainesville said...

Whats cool about that poem is it makes you think... I would love to know the story underenath that poem, ( I am not asking you, I am just saying THATS what that poem makes me think) Then I make up my own story for what it is that underlies it all.... Then you wonder how the story you make up in your mind compares to reality.... thats why that is a good poem, it speaks to you with what it doesnt say also... NICE

Colette, aka Lil Sis said...

Wow, you never cease to amaze me. The only thing I can say is I love this poem. It's not happy, it doesn't make me feel good, but it's so raw and real and I just love it.

Reggie said...

I've always admired poets. They are able to say things, well, poetically.

Very cool stuff.

Ma said...

when is the book signing already!!!!!! I want to buy that book, but I'm not doing it until I can get it at your book signing and have it autographed... you better hurry up, I'm leaving this summer :)

Rocketstar said...

dID i EVER BUY A COPY OF YOUR BOOK, i CAN'T REMEMEBER AND ALL OF MY BOOKS ARE IN BOXES STILL...

sORRY FOR CAPS LOCK

90hazelnut said...

Awesome poetry. Wow. I am moved.
In general, I find dark stuff usually moves me more than lighter stuff.
I think I am a sucker for the kick in the viscera.